between my mom and my sister, uggg..

OK so I posted last week that my sister is completely against me having this surgery. Well nowmy mom has started in on me. She says I'm too young, and she had a T28 when she was 38 and they left her ovaries and she started menopaus two years later, and that I should keep trying other options. I explained to her it was not just the heavy bleeding, it was also from being in too much pain to play with my boys, or drive to my daughters track meets, or make love with my husband. It is the pain of having my uterus attached to my bladder and bowels and having so much scar tissue and my stuff so stuck together and moved to the left side of my abdomin(sp) that bowel movements make me cry and it is going to take three surgens to do the surgery. I have gotten a second opionion and tried the hormonen treatments. My husband and I decided together, as we decide everything together, that this was enough. I know it wont be easy, but I want to be able to do all these things. On top of all this, I have 2 herneatied(sp) diska and a buldgeing disk and my spinal colunm is narrowing, but my back doctor can not treat this until I have my surgery because the treatment can cause heavy bleeding and it is too high a risk. I tried to explain this to her and then when she kept going on and on about the "bad choice I am making" I said mom I really appreact(sp) all of your advice and all of your worry but we are doing what is best for me and our family. Now she wont even speak to me. I know I need to just let it go and move on but it makes me so mad. I have stood by them through 8 marriages, drunken nights, and every other selfish choice they have made. Is it too much to ask for a little support, or even just accept that this is what I am doing and move on. I know I cant dwell on this but I just needed to vent. Get it off my chest so I can move on. wheew

That is pretty unfair once the decision is made. For me family can disagree with everything in their power WHILE a decision is being made, but true family and friends switch to SUPPORT as soon as a decision is made. That's their job and they're just not doing it. As for you doing it for them? That's just how you are... I'm the same way... giving to people that always have some excuse not to give back to me when I most need it, but if you're like me, you won't change. You'll continue to be who you are and love and support those people around you even when they don't seem to know how to give it back. So just know that you're not alone I guess.

You sound like you're at peace with your decision, so it's just time for the rest of the family to fall into line and support you!

*hugs*
Deedee

I am sorry that your sister and mom are not being supportive. But I am sure they are just worried for you and about you. As you want to feel healthy again for yourself and your family, you have to make the best decision for you. They may come around and accept your decision at some point..perhaps after you have surgery and they see that you are feeling much better. Hang in there.

Thank you. I am at peace with my choice. I think. I mean I am at peace with the hystorectomy itself. It is the actual surgery and being asleep while people are cutting on me that makes me nervous. I am so ready to feel better. They can get on board or wait for the next train. My DH is being my support systemm and his family is helping out with the kids. I am good with all this. Having all you ya'll to listen and support has helped as ya'll understand in a way my husband can't. Thank you again!!

That's so great that your DH and his family are at least on board with your decision. Don't give up on your sister and mom..they may just come around eventually.

While they may be concerned about you, they need to realize this is your body, your decision. No one can understand the pain and problems you are having. They are entitled to an opinion but they need to shut up and support you. Sometimes people can be a...s! Even family. My mom has been great but I had a second cousin email my mom prior to my surgery all the horror stories she could find about hysterectomies. I think it was about four pages long. Every day, she kept sending them. I told my mom that I could find them on my own, thanks so much and to tell her to knock it off. My mom got really ticked at her and told her to stop. She did realize that this wasn't helping and then began sending very helpful messages. Hopefully your mom and sister will realize you are doing what you need to do. If not, we are all here and we do support your decision. Sending lots of

Don't waste your precious energy seeking approval & support from someone who can't give it. Be grateful for your wonderful husband and his family. You have children you can't enjoy as much due to these health problems so get it fixed and enjoy your life, health and family. You will be in a better frame of mind in a few weeks, deal with them later, focus on yourself now.

It's sad to hear that your mom and sister don't support your decision to have the surgery, but remember you have to do what is best for you and your health. No one should have to suffer from this kind of pain!! Unless they go through this themselves, they will not understand.

You are not alone. I also have some relatives who are very cold and insensitive...and they think that my pain is all in my head! I still have a good support network that I can turn to, however, and this site has been a great place to vent and ask for guidance. All the best.