scared

Hi! My name is Dawn and I am 25 and scheduled for my hysterectomy on 12-17. I was fine with it up until last week. I have not been able to sleep well and then last night we told my mil that we would not be at their home, 45 minutes away in good weather, for Christmas Eve. She blew up. Said it was bad enough that we were not getting my 2 step daughters because of me, and now we would not be there. She went into how she had her hysterectomy at 50 and was not restricted of anything but driving and lifting. That she ran all around town the day she was released from the palace and she felt fine. I also remember her calling her dr. in severe pain because she over did it. I told her that I was happy her trip to the palace went so well, but I have a dh, 2 ds and 1 dd to think about and I am going to take it easy and rest at home like my dr. said. Also told her if she was able to do all that, then she was a better woman than I! And dh just stands there not standing up for me at all.

As for my family, they are very supportive. My mom will be the one taking care of kids, taking to and from school, cooking. Everything! And other family members are asking my mom when my surgery is so they can bring dinner when I get home.

I have my pr-op tomorrow a.m. and am armed with a huge list of questions, mostly thanks to this site. I am so glad that I found everyone here. The information has been invaluable.

My sil has called already too. Steaming mad about Christmas Eve. I don't know how much more I can take. I know that I need this surgery. For me, this is the best timing because of Christmas break. But, they are making me feel so bad and guilty, that I am considering postponing(sp) my surgery!

Has anyone else had this problem? Please help!

Sorry this is so long and I keep ranting, but I have no one else to talk to about it. If I tell my mom, she'll go after my mil! LOL!!

Thanks!
Dawn

Dear Dawn,

How frustrating for you. I'm really sorry that your MIL is giving you such a hard time -- and that her memory of HER recovery is a bit skewed...... maybe she HAD to do all that running around - maybe she didn't have a lot of support - however, it is a pity she doesn't remember how hard it was on her body.

Stick to your guns. This is one Christmas Eve out of a life time of Christmas Eves. Maybe (and I say this cautiously) maybe your dh can pop over to his mom's for a wee bit on the day as a peace jesture?? just an idea....

and maybe you want to have a heart to heart with him and ask him why he won't help you stand up to his mom.... maybe he really wants to - but even from the short message you wrote, she sounds like a pretty intimidating woman... maybe he isn't sure how to balance this situation?

best wishes for your surgery and your PEACEFUL AT HOME Christmas Eve.

Yikes

It sounds like your MIL and SIL are being extremely selfish. You will have just had surgery recently and will not feel up to going out on Christmas eve. I am over 2 years post and had a remarkable recovery compared to some sisters. There is nooooooo way that I would be able to go out and Socialize less than a week after surgery. Just stand tall and proud and keep to your plans.

I would have a little talk with DH. Perhaps he can deal with his family. Geesh Men I am sure that your MIL was not doing what she says she was after her surgery. It is amazing what the mind will remember or change when it wants to.

Good luck with your surgery. Remember this is for you. It is not about anyone else.

Take care



Katie

Cheryl,

It's not that she's intimidating, he is just one of those men who likes to avoid any confrontation. At all costs! Even though, I have told him before that he needs to remember that I am the one that he lives with now! LOL!! Thank you for your good wishes. I really appreciate it.

BTW, he suggested that the family could get together earlier and he would bring the kids out, but she said it could not be done. For the first time in my 7 years of being with this family, her and her hubby have to work till 4:30. He told her sorry. That he won't be there either because they would be home with me that night. At least he stood ground a little.

Dawn

Katie,

Thank you! I am so glad that I found this site. Finally, a useful search from a search engine!!

I remember when I had my c-section 2 years ago that I felt awful and I over did it. Had surgery, out of palace on Saturday. My aunt & uncle came right over to see the baby and then we walked 4 blocks, felt more like 4 miles, to the local pizza place for dinner. OUCH!!!! I was in so much pain after that.

History is not repeating itself!

Thank you again!

Dawn

Everyone has different physical limitations whenever surgery is concerned. Your doctor is giving you a basic guideline to ensure a sucessfully outcome. The doctor is the one giving you this information, you aren't making limitations as you go. Listen to your doctor and your body to determine what is best for you. It has been a month since my surgery and I still experience lightheadedness at times. My sister was able to hit the ground running upon leaving the hospital, but she does understand and takes into consideration my needs. Fortunately, you have family members to support you. As for the mil and sil I am sure they are disappointed and maybe you could get together at a later date but for now you must protect your health

Hi Dawn,
Aahhhh, in laws....I understand completely. It's too bad they are only concerned with themselves and not your health. I wouldn't feel bad at all not going there...you have to take care of you. Plus it's your dr's orders not something you're making up so you don't have to go there.

I have a hard time believing she was running around town the day of her surgery...time does erase some memory....but come on. I'm glad your dh is standing up for you. I know it's difficult when it's his mother who's involved but like you said....he lives with you now and that's where his loyalty should be.

Stand your ground, have Christmas at your house. They'll get over it and next year you can be with them. You will recover better not having the long drive and being able just to lie down when you feel like it.

Relax and enjoy the holidays. Know in your heart you are making the right decision.

Best wishes for a wonderful holiday, successful surgery and uneventful recovery. We'll be for you. Hang in there.

I had so much stress and anxiety pre-op that I told only my DH, my Sis. and the two or three at work that were in a 'need to know' position. I only told my family and in-laws AFTER my return from the castle. This was my mechanism for saving my sanity during this time - and it worked for me and my DH.

Dear Dawn,
What an old goat and sounds as if her dil is of the same mold! She certainly has a short memory too, it sounds. This is the one time you really need to look after No. 1 (and make sure everyone else is thinking along the same lines). Be firm and friendly is my advice and know the old UK saying "there's nowt queerer than folk"!
Why can't they come and visit you for an hour I wonder if they so badly need to see everyone on Christmas Eve? She sounds pretty inflexible.
Good luck.
Nellie One

Dear MiamiLove, I have a solution for you! You NEED to get a CALLER ID!
Good luck with your surgery!
Ikoyi