Single mom needing advice (hyst/BSO due to BRCA positive)

I am a 47-year-old single parent of 3 (ages 8, 12, 15) and have just learned I am positive for BRCA (breast cancer gene mutation),
I have decided to have a BSO and hysterectomy (I also have a troublesome fibroid I'll be glad to see the end of!)
I have not met the surgeons yet but suspect it will not be done laparascopically. (I've had 3 C-sections and probably have adhesions.)
What kind of help will I need when I get home from the hospital. (My mom is caring for my dad who is recuperating from surgeries and my sister is nearby but busy with 3 kids of her own.)
I'm also fairly independent and do not like having to ask for help!!
I have read many posts about women and their loving husbands but alas not the case here. (He lives in another country)
How long does it take before I can drive kids to school? shop for groceries? cobble together a meal?
Have women hired help? What kind of help was most useful?
(I generally try not to feel too sorry for myself but I am feeling a little sad at the moment and envious of those with great husbands!).
thanks

Hi canadianbelle and

We’re happy you joined the Hystersisters community! There is a ton of solid information on the site, and the members have unlimited cyber-hugs to dispense and experiences to share with you at every stage of your journey to good health!

If you haven’t already done so, please do yourself a favor and register to receive Hysterectomy Checkpoints. It’s one of the best features of the site, in my opinion -- designed to accompany you through the entire hysterectomy experience from start to finish, and beyond!

You can take the opportunity to prepare yourself for what’s ahead by reading the Pre-Op Articles. You might find the following particularly helpful:

How Others Can Help

You might enjoy browsing through the stories in the Tell Your Hyst-Story section. Each story has a title which includes the type of surgery that was performed so it's easy to find the ones which match the type of hysterectomy you are scheduled to have.

Through the years, hundreds of women have shared their personal suggestions in Hints from Members that you may also want to peruse.

Your surgeon will advise you in regard to your own "recovery timeline" for returning to normal activities including driving, pushing a shopping cart, lifting, etc. Post-op restrictions vary widely based on the type of hysterectomy surgery you have, your age, reason for surgery, overall health, etc.

Rest assured you have come to the right place. Best wishes as you prepare for your trip to the Castle!

You'll manage. You just can't lift or bend or crouch. You can walk around, cook, shower, dust..but you can't drive, do the floors, take out rubbish, carry laundry, change the bed, clean the bath...so you will need a hand but that's all. Cook some foodand freeze it, do your shopping, get some books and videos, sort your clothes and you will be fine. Same age TAH/BSO. I had a Nurse for shopping and housework 2 hours a week, I did need her but that is all apart from having someone deal with the fireplace.

I have a person who cleans every other week, and I would suggest you might want to get someone to clean once or twice for you. It helps!

We were blessed with lots of meals from friends, neighbors and church family. You may want to do some cooking in advance, especially if you think you will be the only one looking after the meals.

My first trip to the grocery after surgery was exhausting but in part that was because we needed everything and my husband made fun of the idea of my using a motorized cart. I would suggest that if your sister can pick items up for you, have her do it for a while. Otherwise, don't try to make one big trip. The grocery bags are heavy, too, so you will have to watch that.

I learned to wash dishes at the age of 7, so it seems to me that your children may be able to take on assigned chores - extra jobs if they already do some work around the house. I would think they could set the table, do laundry under supervision, run the vacuum, clean the bath and even scrub floors.

Best wishes to you!

you should be fine...cook some meals ahead of time and also get some easy things to reheat like soup. cold cuts and bread so you and the kids can have sandwiches. explain the situation to your dr and ask if you can have the least invasive type of hysterectomy possible..i had 2 csections and a few other abdominal surgeries and i had no problems having the lsh. not everyone has problems with adhesions or scar tissue.
good luck

Try and COOK meals a head of time to freeze or have simple meals that can be done by the teenager. Have them all sitting out on the counter, crackers, soups, can chili, cereals, mac and cheese, tuna casserole stuff teach them ahead of time how to cook the pasta, and if you need to be on one phone in bed as you walk them through a meal, do it, best to stay in bed if you can, and any freezer items all in one spot, put the teenager in charge of giving you your meds the first week and writing it down, so you know when your last one was, the times can run together the first week or so. KEEP THE MEDS in your room ONLY though.. for safety sake.. This will help them be in charge and be a part of the healing, they fell very important with this job. TALK to moms of your kids buddies, I am sure they will do their part taking and bringing the kids to and from school. They may even have them over for homework or dinner a few days. I say a FULL WEEK of in bed only will be needed before you can get up and fuss with anything like meals or helping get the kids dressed. Make sure they know where all their clean socks, and undies are before surgery and that they know to keep their areas tidy so you wont stress, and PLEASE DONT BEND! use your toe if you have to bring any thing up a few inches and then move it up a few more inches to another chair before you get it. ITS IMPORTANT TO heal correctly the first time, you can get scar tissues and bulges or worse if you dont follow dr orders and rest and dont strain for how ever long he says, I added 2 weeks to what my dr said just in case. I DONT care if you feel great and feel you can run a marathon, DONT BELIEVE IT..REST REST REST I read on here to many sisters over doing it an that leads to problems down the road.. GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY HEALING!

hi...I had a very large uterus removed. I was 56 at the time of surgery and otherwise in pretty good health. I am a single parent and didn't have much help when I got home. I had clearance to drive at one week and clearance for all other activities at four weeks. I did light cleaning, some laundry, cooked meals, without difficulty. So I didn't vacuum till the four weeks were up!! it was no big deal and I have felt great ever since.

I made sure I rested on the couch whenever I felt tired and I honestly didn't push myself. When I say i had very little help I really mean it and everything came to pass. My sixteen year old at the time was somewhat helpful but didn't stress herself at all. I see some women had hired help after the surgery. My only "complication" was my age!! and I had a previous C-section and that really didn't make a difference since it was 23 years before.

I wish you the best...be confident, you will do well!!

Love, Ruthie

Hi canadianbelle,

I'm a single mom too (I have two 7 year olds). I'm having a TAH in less than a week and tried to think of ways to get by while I recover. I've been cleaning like crazy since it won't get done again for a while. My kids can't cook for themselves, but thankfully, they're pretty easy to please when it comes to meals. I'm planning to have my groceries delivered as I live in a second floor apartment. Do any of the groceries stores around you offer that service? My daughter is pretty good at spot vacuuming with a hand-held vac, so she can help out. My son isn't as good at cleaning, but as long as they don't totally trash the place, I figure I can fix it as soon as I'm strong enough.

Good luck!

I already had a cleaner come in fortnightly so I increased it to weekly. I shopped til I dropped for cleaning stuff, toothpaste, soap powders, toilet rolls, all types of household stuff, filled the freezer, stocked up on drinks, all the sort of stuff that will keep or has long best by dates & I am just running out at 9 weeks.

I had friends & family around to get the perishable stuff with me on a regular basis - Could you go to the shop with your sister so that you can choose but she does the pushing & lifting as it is good to get out & about post op, even if you are a little slow. It will tire you out a bit so plan for rests after.

I also needed help with ironing. Laundry wasn't an issue, carried it down a few bits at a time and did the same thing to empty the machine when finished.

I could do heat and eat type food fairly quickly but couldn't manage large heavy pans of potatoes or pasta for a while.

Great idea to get the children to pitch in, even the younger one will be able to help in some ways. But if it was at all possible I would want additional adult help for the 1st week or 2 as you may be sore & very tired. The last thing you want to be doing when you are trying to heal is to force yourself out of bed to care for the children. You may need to be looked after a bit too :-)

Good luck for a safe procedure & an uneventful recovery

Katy

First off I am all for child labor!!! LOL My kids can either pitch in or pout in their room. Start a chore list for post-op, your children are old enough to understand the extra duty is temporary. While I do have DH I will only have his help for 4 days. (And one of those days I will be in surgery)

Everyone has already given you great advice, so let me just say this....
Learn to ignore that little part of you that wants the house super clean and makes you think you can do anything. I don't think anyone has died because the house got dusty and the dishes were not done right after dinner. I'm sure my mother would disagree on that but oh well.

Best of luck to you,
Cristy