Journal of 33 y/o journey

I thought I would do a journal of my journy . I found this site about 4 days ago it has been a great sorce of information and support.
It started years ago with my very first period , it has been hell since . I have gotton worse over the years . From the time I was 16 or so I had over 6 D&C's preformed . I have a HX of endorometreious and cysts . I had a horrid experience as a younger lady with OB/GYN doctors that had kept me away from care till roughly 2 years ago . I finally did go to one , but could not bring myself for treatment. I went back in on the 10th of july and was able to bring myself to get the care I needed . The doctor I am seening now is AWSOME , he understands my fears and that they are real . He spent over 4 hours with me on the 10th .
It is July 18 ,07 about 6am I am about 5 days before my surgery that is scheduled for the 24 at 5 am . I woke up after not getting a restful nights sleep. I have a million and one things running thorough my head . Like do I need anything from the store , is laundry gonna be done , What will the pain be like . Do I need to do any thing else before monday so that I may get a bit of rest.
I have been doing all the nesting (not sure why tho I do not have kids)
I really dont ever give off my feelings of being petrified ,I just keep them to myself . I have no real support other than this wonderful group of ladies here.
I have a neighbor that is mad as a hornet that I am getting this done ! She just had hers done a few weeks ago.
I will be seeing my neices and nephew this week end . I really want to make the most of it .
I cant really focus on any one thing at a time .
As the day wears and the time grows ever closer I will update my journy journal ...

Well I am 5 days from my surgery and have decided to deal with my issues and not get the surgery .
I have a jerk of a husband that needs to be begged to be there for me ! I am nearly in tears and just can NOT do this any more . He was going to take off on tuesday for my surgery but then work on wed , thurs and friday . My mother has her own issues and I can NOT rely on her or other family members as I have been abandoned by them .
I should not have to beg for support on this . After all when he needed me I was there no questions ask ! I will be calling the surgeons office when they get back from lunch at 3 pm to cancell it . I am a wreck over this and will just have to deal with the wrath of "aunt flo".
Like I have said before I am not sure why I have stuck with this butt wad for 15 years I guess I feel he is all the better I can do . I have started to disconnect with all the bad that is happened and am going to need to go to counceling to learn to cope . I have given up so much for this sorry excuse of a man and again giving up even more . To my other half I know you are reading this I just want to say thanks for screwing me yet again . Some day I hope to find the strength to take the "trash " out I hope you never need me or my support cause just like you I wont be there !
It should also prove that since you are not allowed to make any decisions for me should something happen shows that I no longer trust you

Oh honey, I am soooo sorry. I know exactly how you feel. My jerk of a husband has never been there for me either. I have done the raising of a child she is now 7 and gone thru tons of d&c's and hysteroscopies and others all by myself. Then my hyst cam along and he was not there for that either. But I knew I had to do it for medical reasons. I wanted to live be it without him if needed. (But I am one of the ones that are still there. Too scared to leave.) We have been together for 18 years and i have wanted to go for sooo long and just keep dealing with the stupid ****. Anyway, if you need to have this done for your health then please do it. Don't let him take that away from you also. Just remember let EVERYTHING go afterwards. Then when you are healed you will be much more up to and ready to deal with him. PLEASE don't let him take your health away from you. Your family either. Remember you are all you have in this life. What state are you located in???? If you are close to me I will help you. Cuz please remember I completely understand. You can send me a pm if you would like. But I will be tracking your journal. Best of luck to you.
ConnieK

Thanks Connie it is cancelled I called the hospital just a short time ago . I can honestly say if I were to die I would not be missed nor would I care

I'm so sorry to read what you're going through. It is unfortunate that you have to live through this. I think you need to seek help - one to get your self-esteem up enough to say hey - this is my body - this is what needs to be done - and I'm doing it with or without you!!! Take care of you! That's all that matters right now!!

OMG, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible time! Boy do I know how you feel about the jerky hubby thing... my dh now is a sweetheart, but my ex.... he's another story... and I know how hard it is to leave, it took me quite a while to get up the gumption to walk out that door...

Please reconsider your decisions... do what is right for YOU and your health NOT your hubby or family. I am lucky I have help, but I do know that if I HAD to do it on my own, I could make it through this surgery too... If you ever need to talk, vent or anything, please feel free to send me a message!

Great big s and you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

Sounds like some of you need to take care of your mental and physical health! The relief of this surgery when you have awful periods and complications is overwhelming, I feel like a new person after having this fibriod removed and could almost weep at not having deblitating periods, pain and anemia anymore.

You can truly handle this surgery on your own, you don't NEED their help...you are stronger than you think! I have a (great) hubby who travels alot and I've been alone for several weeks of my recovery and I've been really good, have had lots of time to think and work on stuff for me alone...it was kind of cool. You will be suprised at how strong and affirmed you feel if you make this decision for you. When you think of how much life you lose every month to periods..it's worth it!

Best of luck to you girls, I know you can do it!