Telling people please don't visit!

Any advice on how to get word out that I really don't want visitors at the castle? Family I can deal with and would probably even want to see, but I would STRESS if people from work show up!

I felt really rude to someone yesterday who said "I'll come visit you" when I said "I probably won't want you too." I followed it up by saying "But I love it that you want to." But I still felt really REALLY bad!

Fro-yo

How about, "I won't be up to visitors at the hospital. When I get home, let's set up a time/day for you to come over so I don't get too worn out."

Make sure you stay in control of this, as it can get overwhelming with extra people hanging out. It tends to happen as people want to show they care and want to make sure that you're ok.

I did not have visitors at the hospital, but my sister-in-law came down and spent the night a couple of days later. She helped out tremendously with my kids and household tasks. After she left, my other sis-in-law came three days later and spent the night. She was also a huge help and it was nice to have the company, especially since I was off painkillers and could focus! The next day, a friend came by with lunch and to visit. She only stayed a short time and excused herself when she noticed I was getting tired. So, just pace yourself and take it easy. It'll all work out.

Hi There!

I didn't want any visitors during the three days I was in the Castle, and what "worked for me" when people mentioned possibly coming to visit me in the hospital was to say, "Because I'm only supposed to be there for three days, and I'll be asleep so much of that time, it wouldn't be worth your while to come. If it turns out I have to stay there longer, I'll have my husband give you a call and let you know, because if that happens I will probably get pretty lonely!"

Another option would be (if you have a DH, or someone at home) is to suggest that they call your house first, to check when would be a good time to come to the hospital. And then, the person at home could somehow handle it, by saying, "I talked to her just a few minutes ago. She's doing well, and plans on sleeping all day." That should get the message across.

Best Wishes for an uninterrupted Castle stay!

Fro-Yo
Don't feel bad at all, this is your time. I did the same thing as you because EVERYONE kept telling me they were going to come see me. I was ever so glad when they changed my date and the hospital. I didn't give it out to anyone. I just told them the date changed and I hadn't got the new one yet but it could be sometime next week!
I don't think there really thinking of you! Even my closiest friend I said I love you dearly but I really don't want any visitors, that I need this time to recuperate. She finally listened to me.
Well, after the surgery my husband of course had to tell a few people and then it got out alittle more. So I had acouple visitors and it ended up not as bad as I thought it would be. They didn't stay long.
Some of my close friends, I told them they could call or email me at the hospital so I ended up with about 4 emails and lots of calls, which also wasn't too bad. Check into that, see if your hospital offers incoming emails, all they need is what hospital and your room number.
I wish you luck, it's hard when their your friends and you don't want to hurt their feelings but you need this time for yourself and they don't guite understand.
Karen

:hair:

I too asked for no visitors while in the castle and the first 3 or 4 days home. My parents, DD's and son-in-law were my only castle visitors and that worked well. Even my phone calls were kept to a minimum (immediate family only).
My castle mate had people in and out of the room along with her phone ringing off the hook. She was so frazzled with all that was going on she wasn't so quick to heal. **Plus with all the visitors it made it rough for me to get to and from the bathroom as I had to plow my IV pole through them.
To all well wishers: What until the patient is home and in the comfort of their own environment!

Rosie

Some of my girlfriends wanted to come visit me too.

When they said, "I'll come see you", I replied,

"I am only in the hospital for three days. The first couple of days, I will be out of it and in pain. And by the time the third day comes along, I will be almost home. I would LOVE to have a visit with you when I am at home, comfortable and more alert."

I told myself not to feel bad about any "reactions" I may get with this response. This is my surgery, my time and my decision. I figure that any of my friends that got offended by this request, weren't really true friends anyway.

Best of luck.

Sarah

Wow - it's interesting how we are all different. This was an interesting thread for me to read, because for me, every person that came to visit me in the hospital was a welcome sight

I was amazingly coherent and comfy, resting in that wonderful hospital bed with that pain pump in my hand. Of course, I have a very close "core" of people in my life, and that is who came to see me, so it felt loving and supportive. I certainly wouldn't have wanted just "aquaintances" dropping by, but for me, everyone who came was respectful and it just made me feel......................so..................cared about.

Of course, I'm also in the middle of a divorce, and my close core of friends know that (obviously!), so I felt that they all stepped up for me (welll, most of them anyway).

I say definitely do what is comfy for you and your recovery. I really thought that I'd be sleepy/drowsy/too drugged, but found that I was quite alert and the visitors were a bonus. I think it's great that we all express what we want in our recovery, becasue only WE ( and our hystersisters) know what we're going through!!

I heard this once (I think it was here on HS):

At your pre-op appointment, hold up a piece of paper on which you have written the words, "No phone calls and no visitors" and ask your doc to read it aloud. That way you can tell your would-be visitors that your doctor said, "No phone calls and no visitors".

Seriously, though -- just tell them you would love to see them after you've gotten settled back at home but you're afraid you'll disturb your roommate if you have visitors at the castle. Most of those rooms are too small for more than one extra person at a time, anyhow!

Good luck to everyone.

I can understand not wanting visitors. I really didnt even want my DH or kids to come see me. I called into my office after surgery that day just to check in and mentioned how tired I was and not feeling well. Ask them to pass the word around that I would call when I felt up to visitors. Day four when I was released I stopped by the office on my way home. Couldnt help myself. Everyone was amazed! This helped since everyone got to see me then. Everyone saw I was doing well. Since then I have stopped by once a week and I have gotten lots of emails and phone calls. Several of the girls from work called one day and asked if they could borrow my kids that night. Took the kids to dinner and a movie. Other than that I think everyone can understand you need rest. I have had some awesome support. But truly make it clear if you are not up for visitors. I am sure no one will be offended by it.

Misty

My best freind will be visiting me once in the hospital. She'll probably be there when I get into my room from recovery. Every time that either of us have had surgery, the other one has been there. It's just the way we are... It made our exes soooooooo angry!!!! When she had her last baby, she had gestational diabetes. As soon as she'd given birth and been repaired from the episiotomy, they brought her a tray... Who was right there opening her chocolate milk? Me!!! I know that this is going to be a different situation, but she needs to know that I'm okay, when all is said and done. We're closer than regular freinds or even sisters.... it's like we have the same mind... When she got engaged to her current DH, she told him that in marrying her, he might as well be marrying me (not in that sense...ewwwwww). We each have 3 children and each of the kids call us both Mom... anyways, the whole point of this started out to be that other than immediate family and "My Lori", I won't be taking visitors in the hospital... All of the options given have been great!!! I personally will ask people to please call the house to check first. Then when I'm home, I'll call and set up lunch dates or movie (video) dates when I'm feeling up to it...

Since I rambled on a little about "My Lori" up there, I'd like to say.... Thank the Gods for our Sisters.... here, at home, and those yet to be met