Need a shoulder to cry on...

I think it is really hard for our men. They are used to feeling like they are in control, and when it comes to our female trouble, they aren't. Even worse, we aren't fully in control either. So they get grouchy.

Before mine, my DH acted pretty ok around me. But I've had trouble for years and he was used to me being in pain. I though he was ok with the surgery. Well, he wasn't. He talked to a good friend/mentor over lunch a couple of times, who assured him things would go ok. That man's wife had a hyster many years ago.

Well, word got back to me and we talked about it. I took him with me to the Dr, had Dr explain everything to DH again, and we talked about risks. DH was worried about being left to raise kids alone (5&7), the surgery not helping, etc.
Once I finally got him to talk to me, things started getting better. After the surgery was over, DH was in a much better mood while I was in the castle and came home.

Hang on. Keep using us for your concerns. We understand!

I love you all...for your care and support. I will definitely have my DD speak with my DH...to set his mind at ease.

Thank you again for your support and words of wisdom. I am so glad that I found this site.

I went through these ups and downs with my DH during my breast cancer scare and surgery 5 years ago. Now my hyst is June 6 and since his mom died of ovarian cancer, this is bothering him more. One day he worries over me; the next he leaves me alone and spends an afternoon at the firehouse with his buddies while I miss him and pout. We are much more open with our feelings this time. Weird, but I must be more cheerful than him, and I am having the surgery. It makes him feel more secure I guess. He is a honey bear who loves women, but sometimes that macho guy thing takes over. I try to go with the flow! Good luck!

I just found out part of the reason for my DH's moods. He called me just now and told me that his company is sending him out on the road to Mobile and New Orleans on Sat. morning and he won't be home until Thursday. He installs software on oil tankers and carries and such. He got stuck on the road on his mom's birthday a few weeks back (she just turned 91 and is not doing well). Now he misses being with her on Mother's Day too. His siblings are not being understanding about this, laying guilt trips that this may be her last bit of time on earth, etc...

So I offered to re-work his resume for him since I cannot be out bike riding, and then I will post it on some job sites as well. I know he will do well once he is out on the job market again...it is just getting him there that will be rough on us.

I'm going to post an answer from another point of view...a single woman. I am divorced. I have no family. I am 4 weeks post-op and I did just fine and continue to do so, thank you very much.

Even though you are married, your strength does NOT have to come from him! If he can't supply or won't supply it, use YOUR own strength.

If you read enough self-help books and/or Mars/Venus you know that men are the fixers. They feel strong when they are able to solve the problem. But they can't solve our problem, they have to stand by and wait. Some just don't want to be bothered. Whatever kind one has, a woman still must look inside herself to see what she is made of and realize that she is MORE than she gives herself credit for.

A significant other/partner in life is great. They can make things easier but you know what...sometimes we rely upon them too much and forget about our personal power and how strong it is. If one doesn't use it and stores it away and uses someone elses it can feel as if one doesn't own any.

I heartily encourage printing off information and threads from this site; making a list of things you have heard your partner verbalize (complaints/worries); make an appt. with your doctor (tell them ahead of time its to talk) and take your husband and the list with you because sure as anything he'll forget stuff or be too embarrassed to ask etc.

What ever you do, realize that it isn't your responsibility to be supportive of your partner's emotions. Your focus should be on yourself, your emotions, your ease, your future as a healthy person.

All the best of luck to you!
Hugs,
Miranda