Overly emotional and sudden body changes...4 mos. after total

I do not understand what is happening with my mind and body. I had total on 12/12/11. I was originally scheduled to have partial laproscopic but cancer was found so it changed to total. In so many ways physically I feel better without having constant pain from cysts and extreme pain each month. BUT I feel like I have lost my mind. I have been grieving the loss of my girl parts, sad knowing there can't be babies....feel like they took part of my brain when they took the other stuff. I am depressed, on edge, not sleeping, dealing with instant menopause, can't remember things, can't concentrate...my skin and body are going thru all types of changes. I have no sex drive and what few times my husband and I have tried anything I am not climaxing. I know this has to be better than cancer and I feel blessed in so many ways because of that, but some days I am okay and others I feel so stressed and depressed that I have actually thought about ending my life. The next day I may wonder what led me to feel that way, but at the time when those feelings hit you it just seems to take everything you can hold on to not to act on those thoughts. It makes it worse that no one in my family seems to understand how I feel physically and emtionally. My doctor put me on HRT for 18 mos. and an antidepressant for 6 mos, I started on the meds about two months after surgery. Why am I still feeling this way and how long is it going to last?

Hi ...
I understand how you feel, sweetie. I am almost 20 years post-op from a total hysterectomy. I had those EXACT same feelings after my surgery. I was 18.

It's hard enough to deal with the physical changes, but add the emotional changes and the fact that nobody understands ... it makes it very difficult. Please know that you are NOT alone. Not only is God with you, but you have a group of sisters here who understand, and can see you through.

How you are feeling will level out. It's different for everybody how long it takes. I HIGHLY recommend seeing a psychologist. There's no shame in it. I went to one, and go on an ongoing basis as it's hard to accept we'll never naturally have children. Only people who have experienced it understand: but a trained psychologist can help deal with the different emotions we feel.

Everything happens for a reason. I promise you that. We were given a second chance at life, at the cost of not producing life. But there is a reason. We may never know what that reason is, but live your life cancer and pain free. Know that you are not walking this walk alone. There may be days where you fell you are along ... but you're not. Carry a mirror around with you and every time you feel alone, or have thoughts of harming yourself, look in the mirror at your beautiful self and say: I have beaten the odds. I am a survivor. I am beautiful and God loves me enough to keep me on earth for His purpose.

Much love and God Bless.

I understand exactly how you feel, with the exception of the HRT. Im not on anything becuz I had breast cancer, but everything else is the same as you. I was 50 when I had my sx, and now at 55, I feel much the same, minus the hot flashes, which are now few and far between. They decided everything had to go because my breast ca was estrogen fed. Im FED up, but for skin I use lotion, for my moods I try to think positive, and for my sex life, well, lack thereof, we just do our best. Married almost 32 yrs, and I guess the Dr was right when he said that we've had enuff! (i hope you smiled a little).. hugs hugs.. I really DO understand, but it gets better.. thank God they got rid of cancer....Prayers for your peace.. Peachy..

thanks for your support

If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I had a total hysterectomy when I was barely 29 years old, by one week. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride. I really wanted to reply to your post because I thought about taking my life also. In fact 2 weeks after the surgery I was invited to a baby shower and I came home and thought, "well crap, I can't do that ever again." Everything felt so final. I had an amazing doctor that I was able to talk to and it's okay to continue on the antidepressant. I still take one and I had my surgery in September 2010. Also don't think you are crazy if you need to see a therapist, I did. All of my friends and family are still having babies and aren't having all the symptoms and really just didn't understand. Hystersisters has helped a ton on facebook too. Just know you are never alone and you have sisters that don't know exactly how you feel (because we all live through different experiences) but can closely relate. My faith also sustains me and I hope you know there is always someone above that understands. Good luck and a million hugs your way.

to you sweetie. You are definitely not alone. My sx was in July 2011 and every day I try to cope with the sadness, anger and resentment about my sx. I am still taking my anitdepressants. Try as they might, no one in my life truly understands. I just keep coming here to my sisters and I find offering my support makes me feel better.

Some ladies find it helps to keep a gratitude journal. Everyday write one or two things that you're grateful for, no matter how small. The sun shone today, your favorite store had a sale, a stranger said some kind words, a bird was singing outside your window when you woke up. It helps.

I had a TAH last June, and also went through some very dark times after surgery. Anxiety attacks, deep lasting depression, the loss of feeling like a woman...I am 37, and just lost the chance of ever having my own family. I had uterine cancer, and had no choice in the matter... My family pretty much ignored the surgery ever happened, acting like I had the flu when I got home. It was horrible...but then, I began to feel better. Somehow, I figured out if I can go through this, the whole menopause thing, that I can pretty much do anything. I drew on that for courage and strength as I left an abusive situation, started school and began a new life. I'm not saying I don't have dark days still-I do. One thing I wanted to mention is that I went on HRT for a couple of weeks, and felt suicidal and slightlyy homicdal. I called my Dr., and told her I was going crazy, and we ended up stopping HRT all together. Please, let your Dr. know what you are going through. Perhaps a change in dosage will help you...and please know, there are woman all over the world that know exactly how you feel. you are not alone, and please, come to this site for support and strength when you feel bad. It is a powerful tool!

you can pmail me for more ?s
but i had my chemo during pregnancy and surgery after radhys & ovaries (lots of nerve damamge etc).
I did go crazy-slammed into menapause while nursing!!!!

6yrs later i have sex every other day-eat well, exercise and make it happen everyday. that is what you have to do.
I take 5g of corvalen ribose every morning(reduced my muscle/nerve issues and a miracle in the sex department), vagifem 2x/week. spirulina 1500mg every nite eat lots of crazy foods (spinach drinks chia seeds quinoa etc). it does help. workout first thing in the am atleast 15 min.

sex-buy a vibrator and lube from adam and eve-their lubricant is the BEST-I have tried it alllllll. Your sex life is an important part of your marraige. It will take work on both your parts (sometimes it will be uncomfortable-especially at first-but the more u do the better it gets) he will have to learn how to do more up front work

i am 44 and my husband is very supportive. i wont say we didn't have some dark times. It was tough for me to realize that he needed sex (they all do even if they wont admit it), but i also realized i needed it too-endorphins are great natural mood lifters.

feel free to pmail with any ?s as i am not on the forum often(saw the post on fb)