How will family deal with Recovery

I am fast approaching my surgery date of May 25th and am concerned about the surgery but not as concerned as I am about how my family will handle things while I'm recovering at home. I am 40 and have had 2 children, 1st by C-section 15 years ago and the 2nd normal delivery 9 years ago. After I had my second I had my tubes tied and have had nothing but problems since, heavy bleeding, pain, long periods etc. etc. etc. Along with all of those problems came depression.

I had a Lap done 3 weeks ago to decompress some cyst and see why I had so much pain. The outcome, a hysterectomy including the removal of the ovaries would be best. The DR didn't complete it then because my husband and I had a special trip planed the following weekend to Las Vegas. After the lap I was pretty much back to normal. I rested a little but was able to continue with things without any restrictions.

Now my family is under the impression that I will also bounce right back after the abdominal Hysterectomy. Between my husband and I we have 4 children at home plus 3 foster children.

Ages
18 (daughter developmentally delayed)
16 (foster daughter, really big help around the house)
15 (daughter, helps only when she wants to)
14 (son, thinks of outside chores only)
9 (daughter, loving but not much help, she tires)
5 (foster son, well he's 5 sweet little guy)
3 (foster daughter, well behaved for 3)

My husband is self employed and can take time off but we also farm and raise cattle.

Any ideas how I can make them realize this is not Band-Aid surgery this time. I am taking vitamins some extra B-12, I have started back on my depression meds per advise from my Nurse Pract. I want to have a positive attitude for recovery but I'm concerned that too much may be expected of me to soon.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Signed
Teresa
Lost in the Land of OZ (Rural Western Kansas)

I think maybe it may help to have your husband come with you to the doctor and carefully spell out the restrictions on lifting, etcetera. Also print out some of the posts here and the list, "How to care for a Punctured Princess". Search on Pillow Police--that should get you some nice horror stories on people who overdo. Search for Music Lady Linda's posts, as well. She's very good about spelling out how much rest you need.

Then, do you have family meetings? Maybe you could have one and list the chores you do and mark on a calendar how long it will be before you can do them again. It's hard to argue with a calendar. You can decide together who will do these things while you're laid up and mark it on the calendar for all to see. It could be that a little peer pressure from siblings will help make sure everybody pitches in.

Don't forget little things like bringing in the mail and emptying wastebaskets, things the 9-year-old and 5-year-old *can* do.

It's important to stay in your pajamas as long as possible when recovering, especially as you have young children. Dressed means "well" to them.

I hope that helps!

(All of that being said, i must admit I don't have kids, so take this with a grain of salt).

Good luck with your surgery.

It is important that you make your whole family understand that this is a serious operation!

Can you get anyone to come in and help with the little ones.

I wish you the bets.

Question. I had my tubes tied and I have had problems ever since.My GP thinks that is why my periods are so bad. She hates Tubals and really tried to discourage me from getting it done. My specialist does not think that Tubals cause heavy bleeding , clotting and long periods. What did you doctor say?

Thanks

I think the best thing to do is let them read a few of these posts. My DH went on and I awear it made him understand everything.. Good Luck! Cabingirl

Here are some suggestions, maybe you can use them or modify them:

(1) Take your husband to the doctor's with you. Have the doctor explain what is going to happen, the length of recovery and restrictions during recovering; and why. I think this is important that hubby understand this first.
(2) Call a family meeting with everyone there. Explain to them about the surgery. You husband's knowledge from his visit should help you as back up when the kids have questions or perhaps try to argue the point.
(3) Ask them for their help and tell them how long you will need it. Pitching in and working harder is less painful when there is a light at the end of the tunnel so give them a timeframe.
(4) ASSIGN chores ahead of time, put up a list on a bulletin board or on the refrig. Do NOT assume everyone will just pitch in and do something. Sure are I'm writing this something will happen like there is no clean underwear and you will get answers like, "Nobody told me to do it; that's not my job; I thought he/she was going to do it, etc." Better to just have a chart and duties assigned then everyone knows up front what is expected. Even the smallest kids (3 and 5) can dust or stack magazines or newspapers or fold a towel. The trick here is to (a) set the timer out and give them 10 or 15 min. (b) don't expect their work to be like your work.
(5) If you have family, friends, belong to a church or a civic group ask them to help out in some way. People love to feel needed and like to feel they have earned some extra points somewhere by helping another person. Bring a casserole, take the kids out for a few hours, keep the smaller kids for the afternoon or the weekend, something.
Best of luck to you. Sounds like a family that will work together as a "team"
Hugs,
Miranda

Hi Theresa

You've already received a lot of good advice to help you with explaining to your family how serious this surgery is. I like the idea of the calendar. If I were you though, I'd set the goals for return to activities for the most pessimistic instead of the most optimistic. This way you won't have to re-explain why don't feel up to doing something.

Make sure that you clear any medications you are taking, both pre-op and post-op, with your doctor. This includes any herbal, natural and over-the-counter meds. This also includes vitamins. Medications of this type can sometimes cause interference with the meds used during surgery and post-op and could not only post-pone surgery, but could also cause serious problems during surgery and/or delay your recovery.