Am I losing my mind?

Hi Hystersisters,

This is my first ever-post to a support board like this, so please be gentle!

I had a daVinci hysterectomy (complete except no lymph gland removal) on May 10, 2010. While physically I am pretty much healed, I definitely feel changes in my personality & brain chemistry. Simply put, my brain feels 'slow' and 'sluggish'. I am also much more emotional, experiencing sudden bouts of tears (I am crying as I type this). Before all this happened, I was a pretty hard boiled career woman in a high stress job who prided herself on dealing with the cancer diagnosis 'very well' but now I feel like a total mess. Like a frost-bitten plant killed at the root. I am back at work and supposedly 'functioning' but no one has any idea what is really going on inside!

I managed to convince my surgeon, against some opposition, to let me start HRT literally the day after surgery (thanks to reading boards like yours!). I started with Estradot .25 but was still experiencing hot flashes and sleep disturbances so last week (Thursday) I bumped it up to .50. While the increased patch is definitely suppressing the hot flashes, insomnia, etc. I am still experiencing the fuzzy thinking & the emotional stuff described above.

My questions to you lovely ladies: Is all this normal? Will I ever be able to 'get back to my old normal' rather than living in this impaired state? Do you think I need more estrogen or is it just a question of getting used to what I am already on? What is a typical dose for a younger women who has experienced sudden surgical menopause? (I am only 44). And how do I know if I need testosterone because no one around here up in Canada ever offered me any?

Sorry to bend your ears so much but this is really been traumatic-and as much as my friends and family have been supportive-and they have been-they really don't 'get' what I am going through and I know that you do!

Any advice and support would be most appreciated.

Thanks,

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Sorry I can't help you with any info about hormones as I don't take any. What kind of cancer were you diagnosed with? Are they going to do any treatment other than the hyst?

Seems like many of us get emotional after this surgery; I know I did. Crying for no particular reason which is not at all like me, and feeling like a mess. It goes away. And I would probably let it go away before making hormone changes 'cause you may swing too far in the other direction. Just hang in there and know that this is fairly typical. Good luck with your healing; try to get lots of rest, as you went back to work really early. Take care and let us know how you're doing.

I understand your concerns about the fuzzy brain feelings. I have had that experience too. I'm older than you (49) and am also a serious, focused career woman. I have been forgetting things a lot since the surgery. Also I have lost my edginess- that low level anxiety that keeps me on top of everything. If I don't get it back I don't think I will be very effective in my job. But... I've talked to women at work, and they say it comes back with time and HRT. So don't worry too much. Relax, exercise, take care of yourself, and hang out with other smart women who will push your brain to do it's thing. You will come back.

The anethesia does cause some brain fuzziness for quite some time. I have been under several times and can tell you that I couldn't remember the name of that thing that you open to go into a room for a long time...like a month! I am now 5 days post op with this one and had to describe the brick thing in front of the fireplace because I couldn't think of Hearth (just asked my babysitter what it was called!).

Be kind to yourself and give yourself more time to do things. Laugh about it. I cried because...I don't really know why I cried yesterday. It is all normal. Your body has gone through a shock.

See your doc if this fuzziness remains at the end of this month. Be persistant! Doctors know bodies but noone knows your body like you do! Good luck and sending hugs!

Thank you, ladies, for taking the time reply to me. In retrospect, I probably went back to work too early...and I do find it hard to 'be kind to myself' although I did take the night off to go see a flick.

For the record (as we like to say!), it was uterine cancer, stage 1, so far no need for follow-up chemo/radiation. So while I should be jumping for joy, etc. (since all my doctors tell me that 'if you have to have cancer, this is the kind to have!"), I am instead mostly mourning the loss of the 'old me'. In the meantime, I appreciate your advice and will give it the time you suggest.

Thanks and hugs.

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