What was the stupidest question you were asked after diagnosis/treatment?

I saw something online the other day about stupid things people say to a person diagnosed with cancer or going through cancer treatments. While most people are well meaning, some questions are just idiotic. What questions were you asked? OR statements said that made you think "you're kidding, right?"

For me the first stupid question I received was in the radiation waiting area. I was 2 or 3 weeks into treatment and an older gentleman asked if I was there for treatment or waiting for someone else.

I said I was there for myself. I forget his exact words but he said something to the point of "but was it benign?". At the time I couldn't remember if benign was good or bad, so I responded with "it was cancerous". I mean c'mon, I felt like having a major surgery for no reaon and radiation is just for kicks.

At one of my follow-up scans, the tech asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Let me think . . . NO. I understand this is a routine question, but c'mon now. Could you at least check the diagnosis code first?

Mine wasn't a question it was a comment...since no other cancer was found after my surgery (a d&c got it all) i received the comment of "well you really didn't have cancer" Uhhhh did i just have this surgery for fun?!?!? I think not and i was having follow ups with a gyn-onc

It hasn't been any one comment for me. It's a lot of people saying that I'm cured now, I don't have cancer anymore and they act totally shocked that I have to go for checkups every 3 months, like I'm crazy for thinking it's necessary and I'm crazy for worrying it could come back, or even when I say it could already be there and just hasn't been found. They all seem to think it's all over with now and I'm just being a hypochrondriac. My mom says I'm crazy to drive 2+ hours each way for followups, that it's just a waste of time and money. She thinks it would be soooo much more sensible to go back to see the PCP who ignored my symptoms for years or the gyn who made mistakes prior to my hyster.

Personally I have not enjoyed being told I have the best cancer. I understand the meaning, but "a good cancer to have" just doesn't set well with me.

The most shocking and ignorant comment I received was from the gyn who first diagnosed the cancer. I couldn't get in to see my regular gyn so my GP, who suspected cancer, sent me to another town where I could get an appt within a few days of her examination. Therefore, I didn't know the gyn at all. At that time I had been married for 15 years. After the physical examination, this gyn put his had on my knee and asked me if I'd been fooling around with other men. I was too astounded and dumbfounded to slap him, but I wish now that I would have.

It wasn't technically a question but I did get a card from someone at work saying, enjoy the time off, you've earnt it. I'll trade work over Chemo and rads any day! Maybe she got me confused with someone else who was actually doing something fun!

Wow some of these are just shocking!

I know other cancer survivors that have family member's thinking they are crazy for running to the doc when something isn't right. I try to explain to them that after cancer, crazy doesn't count.

Probably my most frustrating question from my Gyno/Onc was when I was asked about my number of sexual partners. What an ignorant question and totally irrelevant. Who cares? Does it really matter?

And, the most infuriating statement I heard was from my ex-husband: "Well now you can sleep around and not worry about getting pregnant." As if that was a good thing!

Mine was a so-called "friend" who, upon seeing me walking around with a brachytherapy catheter inflated to the size of a golf ball hanging out of one breast for a week plus, said "gee, that seems like a lot of trouble to go through. Why don't you just cut them both off? You don't need them anymore". I made the mistake of trying to explain to her that the standard of care for my cancer was breast-conserving treatment and that patients who elected radical surgery did not have a higher survival rate than those of us who did not, and that as a single woman I preferred to at least appear when clothed as though I still had all my body parts, but it was all lost on her.

Sometimes people just don't think through what they say before they say it. Actually, most of the time they don't.


-Linda