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Relationship woes with Vagina/ bladder fistula Relationship woes with Vagina/ bladder fistula

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Unread 06-18-2017, 10:58 AM
Relationship woes with Vagina/ bladder fistula

It's hard to carry on when your partner is repulsed by you. I've been living for over 5 months with a Vesicovaginal fistula and only now have I been put on the list for surgery. It's taken so long because I also had Endometriosis and the Gynaecologist wanted a scan to make sure it was all gone before I could have the fistula repair... utter ********, don't get me started.
Anyway I've had 6 UTI's since January, 6 UTI's in 5 months! As if it's not bad enough that I urinate out of my vagina, have to live with a Foley catheter and unable to work. My boyfriend of 9 years can smell when I have a UTI before I even start getting pain and it repulses him. Because I have to live like this I've stopped noticing the smell. If I was in his shoes I'd be repulsed too.
How the hell is our relationship going to survive after this?! I can't imagine having sex, the thought scares me to tears. I doubt he'd ever find me attractive after the things he's seen and smelt anyway.
Having the hysterectomy is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
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Unread 06-19-2017, 11:21 AM
Re: Relationship woes with Vagina/ bladder fistula

(((Wenderz_land))) I am so, so sorry you're dealing with all of this and truly wish I had a magic wand to make everything better. But, please try to keep in mind that this situation isn't going to be forever, and things will resolve themselves. Believe me, we know that sometimes it's difficult to stay positive at all. But, you will get through this, (((dear sister))). You will.

As for your relationship, your BF has been with you for nine years, so he must have deep feelings for you. After all, he's still there, right? If you're going to build a life with someone, it's pretty much inevitable that there are going to be unpleasant situations to get through. That's kind of the true measure of a relationship, as it's easy to hang around when things are all sunshine and roses. So, perhaps even though things aren't good at present, he is trying to see beyond this moment into what will be down the road. And, maybe even more than you know, he realizes that you and your life together are worth it. As far as his being able to forget things related to this experience, time is a wonderful healer, and those will fade into the distance.

All that being said, we have had sisters whose partners didn't stick with them. And, if that would turn out to be the case, well, good riddance to bad rubbish, as you absolutely deserve someone who will love you unconditionally and be there for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. If he's not man enough to handle this, then he's probably not the man worthy of you.

I don't know if any of this helped at all, but your post touched my heart, and I felt compelled to share my thoughts. You are SO worth it, dear sister, so please don't add to your worries. I truly believe things work out for a reason, although things often aren't clear to us at the time. Sending loads of hugs and caring thoughts your way.

Unread 06-22-2017, 05:15 AM
Re: Relationship woes with Vagina/ bladder fistula

My heart truly bleeds for you! I had to live with a VVF for over a year and a half. The leakage was horrible. I felt so disgusting and self conscious. As for your boyfriend, if he's been with you this long, I'm sure you two have come across other difficulties and this is just another bridge to cross. Fortunately, in my situation my boyfriend was very understanding. Just keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault and it's only temporary. I know how difficult that sounds, but if you've already got the repair lined up, just keep on counting down the days. I had my Vvf repaired vaginally nearly 3 months ago and so far everything is great! I haven't had any leakage at all, and over the last month my bladder seems to be back to where it was before my emergency hysterectomy. I'm hoping I'm fixed for good. I'm not sure how long after surgery the signs of fistula recurrence are, but I'm feeling optimistic. I really wish you the very best!

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