Co-worker "jealous" of me for having surgery...what to say to her???(kids mentioned)

I havent returned to work yet but had a mandatory meeting this past thursday at work (also had one in october) and I noticed that one of my co-workers, who I thought was also my friend, wasnt talking to me. When all the others were asking me how I was feeling and telling me how great I look and how much better I look then I have in years (due to being in pain a lot etc, didnt take offense at all) but she was acting like she was upset with me.

Then last night I popped by work to see how everyone was doing and get my schedule for next week because I am returning to work, she told me that she didnt want to talk to me right now...I asked her why and she said "I am upset is all...I asked my doctor about a thousand times to do a hysterectomy on me and she refuses to and you go in July and have your surgery by the end of Sept....it isnt fair" After talking a bit more it became clear to me, she wants a hysterectomy because she never wanted children and already has one but has no issues that would warrent the surgery. I tried to explain to her that I had problems that caused me to need it and that I have been in pain for years and she just walked away from me.

I am not sure what to do, I dont want to lose a friend and I really dont want to have a co-worker who would shun me when I am around because we work together all the time. Any suggestions on how to deal with someone who is jealous of such a rediculous thing? I cant imagine wanting the surgery for birth control...but that is me.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit. Btw, I talked to another co-worker who said she has been complaining since I left that she has to cover extra shifts so I can have the surgery and she didnt see why I needed it because I worked harder then most around work and how could I have done that if I had all these issues. I know I did because I love my job and always want to do the best I can and pushed past the pain for so long.

OMG! I have never heard of anything like this! Who would want to go through this voluntarily?

I am sorry you are facing this when going back to work... IMHO I don't think there is a whole lot you can do but give it time. She seems to be mad that you got a TAH, got time off work and she had to pick up the slack.

I had a coworker that acted similar once but she wasn't a "friend". About 20yrs ago I had a fibro thycoma on my right ovary that was the size of a cantaloupe and getting bigger everyday as it was filling up with blood. That coworker told another coworker she didn't believe anything was wrong with me because in her expert opinion she didn't see anything on the ultrasound.

I hope you don't take it personally. She may come around.

Hang in there!!!

PookieCat

The thing is that back in May she got sick and ended up in the hospital, I worked double shifts for 2 weeks to help pick up the slack for her and never complained, I knew she was sick. I also know she was upset with me because I was getting more hours then her prior to surgery and it makes me wonder why she is now angry because she had to work more...makes no sense. Although she might be upset now that we are getting closer to the holidays and I am getting my hours back so she is back to part time.

I also have a hard time understanding how she didnt know I was in pain. I worked hard and made sure to do above and beyond what I had to do (I work in the retail side of a Cracker Barrel) and always made my sales but everyone knew I was pushing myself harder then I should have. The last couple of months I wasnt able to pick up anything heavy and had lots of people willing to help me so that I didnt lose my hours. I guess I just feel like it is a slap in the face to be treated like this when all I wanted was to do what was needed to make sure I was well again.

Hi Hannie!

I so understand! Some people are so caught up in their own drama & emotions they cannot see past them! They are so worried about themselves and what they are getting that they don't take the time to see what has been done for or given to them.

I hope it will get better for you! I hope what she is doing doesn't cause you worry.

I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Seriously?? Someone is jealous of SURGERY? The only surgery I'm jealous of is the one my friend had to get new boobies... Would never be jealous of someone having an organ removed... I think that girl needs therapy - and keep in mind this is HER issue, not YOURS. You don't owe her a thing so I'd pretty much write that one off... Holy cow....

Hannie,

I am so sorry that you are going to have to face this when you go back to work next week. I have had co workers in the past that have treated me like crap, and it is miserable.
I think Inlineskater8 is right, she needs therapy, and it is her problem not yours. Take care of yourself, don't over do it when you go back to work next week.
Love ya.

So sorry you are faced with this. Remember to just deal with your own issues, and since she hasn't had a hyster she really doesn't know what she is talking about, does she. Good luck as you return to work. Peace

Wow, I'm speechless. I know it's easier said then done, but try not to let it bother you.

Thanks guys! I know she isnt really a "friend" if she is acting like this but it also is hard to know that she has talked about me while I was gone. Fortunatly the rest of my co-workers have been very supportive and so has the management. I guess it is bothersome to know that anyone would be mad at me for having a surgery that was so major. I wonder if part of her problem is that my co-workers came to see me at the hospital and noone went to see her? Although I have worked there for 4 1/2 years and she had only been there 5 months when she got sick.

I am looking forward to working again and plan on having a smile on my face no matter how others feel...I feel better then I have in 10 years and I wont let anyone take that away from me.

Thanks again for listening

Maybe your co-worker doesn't understand her own emotions about your surgery. Try taking her lunch or giving her a Thank You card for covering for you while you were out. Good Luck.