Emotional wreck - BF MIA

It almost makes me sad to think that all of the technology we have to today has turned us to insensitive people. We don't really reach out to one another like we used to. This surgery also helped me "weed out" the people who I thought were my friends. It wasn't my emotions either, they were just too self-centered to care about another individual. Good riddance!! But ultimately it gave me a true appreciation for those who do care and humbled me enough to be the one who is there for the next fellow who needs someone. So I guess ultimately it was a positve

I am the same - happy to go out of my way for my friends. I have been shocked and saddened by the realisation of who 'has my back'!
I have 6 sisters - with varying degrees of relationship two haven't even bothered to text or Facebook message! Good friends have used the opportunity of my housebound status to offload their problems!!! How bad things are with work/relationship/periods!!!
One moaning text was the day after the op!!!
On the other hand, people I am barely friends with have offered to come by, look after little one (22months). My hubbie (2nd marriage) has been amazing - not good with hospitals but after. He has been doing my share and taxiing my two teenagers. Even my ex husband brought my daughter to the hospital. My teenagers have also been great!
It has been one emotional roller coaster and I never thought it would be added to by the hurt and loss of some friendships.
Well I will let go with love, concentrate on my recovery and pour my time, love and attention into my real friends.
Just joined here and loving it!!! People who get it

Livvy72, you are so right, lets concentrate on our recovery. High maintenance friendships are soooo draining.

Glad your support system at home is strong.

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Originally Posted by mwetu Livvy72, you are so right, lets concentrate on our recovery. High maintenance friendships are soooo draining. Glad your support system at home is strong.

Are things any better? How is your recovery going? We both had our hyster on the 3rd. Hope you're resting

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Originally Posted by Livvy72 Are things any better? How is your recovery going? We both had our hyster on the 3rd. Hope you're resting

The doc says I am ok and the incision looks fine.. just a superficial opening which he told me to continue washing with warm water and salt.


He was ready to release me to go back to work but my energy levels are low and am still weak.. He thinks I am not eating well and so I have to eat more and drink plenty of fluids.


Dear BF showed up and took to to my appointment. we even had lunch and I expressed how deserted I felt. He told me I was being emotional. Well, at least now I can drive and I do not have to wait around for him to do stuff for me. lol

I am 8 weeks out now, but most of my friends were there for me. What really bothered me was that I felt abandoned by DH!

I didn't see him for a few weeks. His mom and my Dad came and helped me, and lots of my friends stepped up, so I had help at the critical time -- I just didn't have HIM. He mostly just worked.

I've noticed this before with him. He really runs from me when I get ill, and doesn't reconnect till I get better. I know he loves me, so that's not the problem. It sucks for me, but in a sense it's HIS problem.

People get sick and need caregivers, and some people just can't cope. It's not necessarily that they don't care, either, though it seems like it.

So some of your friends might be in that category -- maybe even your BF, given that he came back as soon as you seemed a bit better.

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Originally Posted by mwetu The doc says I am ok and the incision looks fine.. just a superficial opening which he told me to continue washing with warm water and salt. He was ready to release me to go back to work but my energy levels are low and am still weak.. He thinks I am not eating well and so I have to eat more and drink plenty of fluids. Dear BF showed up and took to to my appointment. we even had lunch and I expressed how deserted I felt. He told me I was being emotional. Well, at least now I can drive and I do not have to wait around for him to do stuff for me. lol

I am glad to hear you are doing so well I can't imagine going back to work yet.
Good for you telling your boyfriend how you felt. Think his reaction isn't great - bit of cop out

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Originally Posted by cpj_0001 I am 8 weeks out now, but most of my friends were there for me. What really bothered me was that I felt abandoned by DH! I didn't see him for a few weeks. His mom and my Dad came and helped me, and lots of my friends stepped up, so I had help at the critical time -- I just didn't have HIM. He mostly just worked. I've noticed this before with him. He really runs from me when I get ill, and doesn't reconnect till I get better. I know he loves me, so that's not the problem. It sucks for me, but in a sense it's HIS problem. People get sick and need caregivers, and some people just can't cope. It's not necessarily that they don't care, either, though it seems like it. So some of your friends might be in that category -- maybe even your BF, given that he came back as soon as you seemed a bit better.

Thank you for understanding where I am coming from. When he is around, I feel much better and I told him as much.. He promised to try and be there more. Let me wait and see..

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Originally Posted by Livvy72 I am glad to hear you are doing so well I can't imagine going back to work yet. Good for you telling your boyfriend how you felt. Think his reaction isn't great - bit of cop out

I am not going back to work yet... I still feel I need to get back on my feet.

Yeah... Dear BF is not getting it at all, but he promised to try.

I have felt the same way and it has been bothering me since my surgery. I feel so hurt and alone. I don't have a huge circle of close friends since I have moved to live where my husband is from 6 years ago, but I thought that the close friends I did have would care enough about me to at least call. I am always there for my friends whenever they need anything and if any of them were going through this I would have been helping them out. I have 2 small children so my husband(who has been AMAZING) was on his own with them. I'm sure he would have gladly taken help from people. Even his friends and their wives seemed to have forgotten that we exist. It has been so disappointing. My one friend finally asked how I was doing a couple weeks in when we both happened to be on Facebook at the same time, but then she followed that up by saying she needed some help from my husband filling out some tax form. I just didn't respond back after that. I had even told her how hard of a time I was having and how hard this was on my family and all she was looking for was something from me. She called a week later and I let it go to voicemail. She asked how I was doing and then asked me to have my husband call her to help her. I never had him call. Now she said she will be passing through and Friday and is wondering if I want to get together. I really don't but don't know what to say. I just don't know that I need people that only want something from me in my life. I would like a little given back when I need help too. The one that really crushes is me is that my brother has not contacted me at all. Not one phone call or even an email. That hurts. I have not received one get well card either. I only have had support from a handful of people and that includes my husband and our parents. It has helped me realize how important it is for people to get support when they are going through hard times though, and I will always remember the people that did reach out. I will now be sure that I always send a card or call or go help out when others are in need. I usually do anyway, but now I realize how much people need that and will never forget to help others. Now I just need to figure out if I really want to keep up the friendships that haven't bothered to care about me and how to tell them how much they hurt me.