5 days post op, need to rant

OK. I wasn't expecting miracles or anything but this is starting to get to me.

I'm so mad at one of my best friends. She told me for weeks that she would come up and help me out this weekend. My mother was with me for the first 3 days and she went home Friday thinking my friend was going to be here Saturday morning. Hubby had to work and the friends hubby was going to help him out (remodeling a house). Thursday night the friends hubby says they will be here unless something major came up. Didn't hear a thing from them until today when she sends an email wanting to know if we want to buy some cookie dough off her daughter.

Now can somebody tell me what is up with that. They've been telling us they would come over for weeks. Had it all worked out so my mom could go home and my MIL could get some of her work done and not have to be here all weekend. Well, she ended up here all weekend and I had to go the entire day without help. And I've got a 2 yo still in diapers. That kid is 40 lbs. Can't lift him. I'm so tired I could fall over.

But I can't. Why? Because the MIL "forgot" how to get the 2 yo in bed and got his sleep schedule messed up and he doesn't go to bed until midnight. Oh, and she didn't give him a bath because he said he didn't want one. She just wiped him off. She offers to come down more but then I get to here her talk about all the stuff she needs to do (real estate) and how she needs to go but can't just leave the 2 yo.

Hubby has been doing pretty good but for the past 2 days he wants to complain about EVERYTHING. Then with the next breath he'll tell me not to overdo it. He'll get to it.

I'm about ready to check into a hotel. I would rather nobody be here than everybody be here and not do anything or make everything worse.

Sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest and the only other places I write on on the Internet the "friend" can read. She doesn't know about this place. I think venting helps the healing process. And right now it's vent or throw things and I can't lift much and I sure ain't going to bend over and pick it up.

Omg girl I'm reading my life !! And u made me laugh!!! Wow I'm 3 wks out from a TAH, I have 4 kids 2of them are 19month old TWINS!! I am so there with u !! I'm ready to check in to the mental ward lol anything for rest!! And my hubby thinks anything full of sugar is ok to feed the twins so forget about a schedule mine are bouncing off the wall!!!I cry for 10 mins rest!!! Today had to carry them down 13staris insane !! Hurting so bad tonight! It is SOoooooooo HArd with little kids!! To heal from this ... I was wondering does anyone else have any tips?? If u have little ones!??because it's really crazy !!!
Thanks as always,
M..

hey girlie,

I know exactlly what you are going through the same thing happend to me last year when i had my hyster, my best friend who happens to be my older sister said and swore up and down that she would be here to help me so that my hubby and my dad could safely go back to work with out having to worry about me, well guess what that is not what happend what did happen is my hubby had to take an extra two weeks off work, and well i didn't hear from my sister for a month and the reason she gave me for not coming over and helping me was because of the fact that i did not want her boyfriend in the house and the other was because she said she had no gas for her car to get to my house which is seven mins from my house to her no thanks to her our father was majorly honkerblonked and well my husband was even more ticked

i wrote on my myspace page that I was getting ready to tell a bunch of people off. Well the "friend" emails me.

She tells me that if she is one of the people that I want to tell off she deserves it. She feels so bad about not coming over this weekend and that there was no excuse for it.

Not only did she screw me over but her husband, who is my husband's buddy, screwed my hubby over. My hubby works and also does remodeling jobs. Right now he is painting a huge house and it has to get done ASAP. This is the reason he isn't home a lot right now. Her hubby was supposed to help mine with the painting this weekend. Nothing. Now my hubby is getting up at 4 am and not getting home until 10 pm. Needless to say, he's mad.

People never realize the true person they are dealing with until you need them.

I'll probably rant more on the MIL later. I know I'll here the same ole "got so much to do but if I didn't have so much I'd be down there all the time for you." And hubby with his "This place is a mess. When you get better you're going to have to do something about it"

Just makes me wonder what they would do if something did go wrong and I was laid up in the hospital for a week.

People can really disappoint, for sure. My next door neighbor promised she would be there to feed my animals and let them out because I needed to leave the house at 4:30 in the morning and would help me with the outside large animals when my husband traveled. Needless to say, I never heard from her AT ALL... hubby had to drop me off at the hospital and come home (an hour away) then back to hosp.... Then had to cancel his travel plans and be home that second week to take care of the animals...

Well, I'm doing a lot myself with a 15mo old, so don't feel bad.
My BF was supposed to be here this morning, but guess what? Still not here, lol.
I think some people just don't get it. Maybe they feel like they've done enough by just offering help or something. Uh, hello, the help comes when you actally FOLLOW THROUGH on the offer.
One of my best friends was going to keep my 2 oldest boys, and then she and her family just pulled a no show at my oldest's b-day party (and they are like his god parents!), so needless to say I made other arrangements for them. I didn't need her to pull something funny when it came time for me to go into the hosp. I also had my BF act stupid just days before my op and had to make other arrangements for our 15mo old, which meant he would be here at home with another good friend (one that comes through when I need her), who ended up staying here for days after I got home to help me (bless her heart!). BF has helped out since, but I swear, it just makes you not want to ever depend on anyone again. One day he's around to help a lot then the next he's saying he's on his way and shows up hours later or not at all. Luckily I have the older boys to help and I'm doing okay on my own with the 1yo. My DD is staying with her fathers family and won't be home until this weekend.
I've learned to just assume someone is full of doo-doo until they prove other wise. I have started to keep my distance from so called friends who aren't there when I need them, especially when I consider myself a woman of my word and have helped out lots of my friends when they didn't have anyone else at the time to help them.
My one friend who I said was supposed to keep the older boys, I let her and her 3 kids live with me about 4 years ago, rent free for 8mo, while she was pregnant with #4, and bought ALL of the baby's stuff for him because her and her husband were seperated and she was pg by another guy and totally broke. Now shes back with her husband and can't even return the favor. Not that I expected her to owe me when I was helping her, but its just what friends are supposed to do, right?
I haven't talked to her since the no-show and she hasn't called to see if I needed her or even if I'm okay. Guess I don't matter much to her, thats how I see it.
The people who do actually show they care will be the ones I stay friends with.
You know the saying, "You don't know who your true friends are until you really need them"? Well, I found out.

Sorry your having such a hard time. I hope the rest of your recovery speeds by!

I fully agree with you jess. I've learned that I can count on me. Plain and simple. That whole "I'll believe it when I see it" when it comes to everyone else.

I'm glad my older boys are home. They do help out a lot.