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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
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05-05-2004, 12:08 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 151
Hysterectomy: May 19th, 2004
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
HI!
My LAVH is 2 weeks from today and there are days I really do feel crazy -- my feelings are all over the place!! I'm in the midst of my last period, so some of this may be hormonal. Literally one moment I'm fine and the next I am horribly irritable, depressed, sad and crying, etc. My poor DH is getting his head bit off for absolutely no reason!! I'm very low on energy (emotional and physical) and am finding it hard to concentrate on anything but, of course, my surgery. I guess waiting really is the hardest part. I'm sure all of this is normal, but I'd love some feedback! I'm also afraid I'll get sick before my surgery and it'll be rescheduled or that my doctor will cancel and have to reschedule. UGH! I just want it over with!!
It's also kind of hard for me-- on one hand I can't wait to be period and pain free and yet on the other hand, I feel some sadness about losing my uterus sometimes. I mean, it's a core part of ME that is going to be gone. And it kind of bothers me that this part of me is going to be cut up and actually THROWN AWAY!!! Does anyone else struggle with this?? I am going to do some things to ritualize this loss and passage and find some symbolic ways to "keep" my uterus (ie: I'm looking for a very soft, rich velvety pouch that I'm going to put some objects in that symbolize what this part of me means to me and also make some beaded jewelry that I can wear on days that I miss my uterus. I have an older woman who is like a mentor to me and also had a hysterectomy last year -- she is going to have a little "ceremony" with me honoring this loss. I'm very fortunate to have her.)
Anyway, I'd welcome any feedback, support, or other ideas for healthy ways to let go of my organs and their meaning to me.
Thanks so much for all your support! I'm so thankful I found this website!
BunnyLover
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05-05-2004, 02:29 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 33
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
I don't think people realize what a life change this is for women. Some women go through it and a so happy and never look back. Others feel a loss.
I feel sort of the same way you do. I still have months before my hysterectomy (TAH) and I find myself thinking about it all the time.
When PMS hits I am usually pretty evil, so a tell my DH to have chocolate ready at the door when I come home, as a offering to the wild women. When I feel it coming on me to hard I try and stop and center myself but that is not easy by any means.
I want to do something special as well when the time comes. I think it is very important no matter how crazy someone else thinks it is. They are not going through what you are and it is different for each person.
Take care of yourself, be easy on yourself!
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05-05-2004, 04:24 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 275
Hysterectomy: March 16th, 2004
Ovaries: Undecided
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
Oh Bunny,
Yes I struggled too with loosing this part of my essence, so much so that I fought this hysterectomy for TEN years! My life was much worse than it had to be for a long time, bur everything happens for a reason. Back in those days, my personal life was so messed up, I don't even want to go there, but I was living a life of total existence being my ex-husband's business, and attempting to raise my children. It wouldn't even have been possible for me to think of myself long enough to have this surgery. (I was a total enabler). I relate to everything you are feeling, and you have every right to feel that way. I think it is good that you feel so strongly as it shows that you have a very good head on your shoulders and are allowing yourself to "feel" every thing that is happening.
What a great idea your mentor has, you are blessed to have her.
The bouncing emotions and lack of energy are all the things we experience in those last days. They feel so foreign, and sometimes it feels like our very body and mind have become our enemies. It is such a strain on us to be having both the grief process and physically draining issues all at the same time. It's ok, just let yourself feel what you are feeling and try to rest and do small things that relax you as often as possible. We are all here for you!
s
Leslie
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05-05-2004, 04:30 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 8,499
Hysterectomy: March 19th, 2003
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
Hi BunnyLover!
If the emotions you described signify that you're "crazy" then most all of us Sisters are stark raving lunatics! I'm sure your DH's experience with you pales in comparison to My DH's with me! I would be embarrassed to relay some of the irrational things I said to him during both my worst pre-op and post-op hysterectomy times.
I find your plan for ritualizing the loss of your uterus very interesting -- it sounds like a wise idea. You are so fortunate to have a mentor for this journey...I wish I had had someone like you described when I was in your situation.
By the way, I love bunnies, too. I don't keep any as pets, but I love seeing wild ones hop around on my property. Best wishes to you!
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05-05-2004, 05:38 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 151
Hysterectomy: May 19th, 2004
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
Thanks to all of you for your responses! It's very validating and encouraging! I really appreciate you!
BunnyLover
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05-05-2004, 06:05 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 78
Hysterectomy: April 20th, 2004
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
BunnyLover...
I'm just over 2 weeks post-op from the same surgery you're having and, believe me, you're far from crazy It is such a big loss. I've been bouncing back & forth from happiness (no more pain filled, heavy periods) to sadness. It's kind of a mourning for a part of me that I've lost forever. I've been wanting to find some kind of ritual for the passage but haven't come across anything. I hope you don't mind if I follow a bit of yours.
Hang in there and remember that there's a great big support system out here in cyber space It's a great balance with the support you have with you.
Take care of you,
Deb
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05-05-2004, 06:35 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 129
Hysterectomy: May 19th, 2004
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
First off a big {{{{{{{HUG}}}}} for the Bunny! You are not crazy....just emotional. Normal, normal, normal. I think its wonderful that you are doing a ceremony. Its a wonderful way to ground yourself and come to peace with your decision. Which is the right decision!!!! The positives very much outweigh the negatives!!! I hope you don't think I am "just" giving you a pep talk. I truly believe you are doing the right thing.
As for a ritual/ceremony.....how about a velvet lined pouch...with small things you can put inside (whether it just be thoughts written on a piece of paper, pictures, stones) and these can be placed somewhere in the back of the bottom drawer for you to bring out and figuratively bring that "piece" back for a short time.
I hope this helps. I will be sending positive and healing energy your way on the day of surgery. I'm scheduled 10 days after. Good luck!
Bella
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05-06-2004, 05:57 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 1,221
Hysterectomy: June 14th, 2004
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
Hi Bunny
I love the way (((Bizet Woman))) put it...if you're crazy then I must be stark raving MAD!!! The only difference being, is that you take the time to VENT your feelings. I'm sure DH doesn't think of it as a GOOD thing, but I do.
I'm one who keeps all the feelings bottled up inside. I know that I must be feeling sad somewhere deep down inside at the loss of my "parts". But for now, all I can feel is anger at the pain. As the time grows closer, I'm sure I'll have a major meltdown, and go into mourning for the loss of my "womanhood". However I have spent years mourning the loss of my fertility anyway, so maybe that's why it's not bothering me as much as it is many other sisters.
I love the symbolic idea. My plan is that once I'm healed, I would like to have a small Princess crown tattoo done just above my scar. Every time I see it, I will be reminded of my journey and of all the wonderful women who have gone before me, and of all the women yet to begin on this path. It will also remind me of all the friends I have met here at HS.
The other thing I plan to do is plant a tree. It may sound silly, but I want to symbolize the loss of my uterus with an offering to the earth. I can nurture that new tree as a new life.....one that I was never able to bring into this world myself. So I don't think your idea of a ceremonial goodbye to your parts is silly. I think it's a beautiful idea.
It's totally normal to have your emotions all over the place right now. I hope you trust in yourself that YOU have made the right decision for you. I am sending you tons of s.
Tam
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05-06-2004, 06:29 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 159
Hysterectomy: May 10th, 2004
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
I love your idea of the pouch to symbolize your uterus! I never thought about doing something like that but as soon as I read your post---it made sense to do it.
Please don't think you're crazy. If you are, then I guess I need a jacket, too.
I'm also afraid of the surg being cancelled. I work in cust serv dealing with people face to face & in the past 2 days there have been a TON of people sneezing & coughing in my face. I feel like beating them up! Get out of my face! I couldn't honestly tell you what I would do it was cancelled.
s
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05-06-2004, 04:50 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 151
Hysterectomy: May 19th, 2004
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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HELP! I think I'm a crazy woman!
Hello all!
Just checked my post again -- thanks so much for your support!!
Madilyn-I will pray that you stay well before your surgery--I KNOW I'd become a crazy woman if they have to postpone this!
Tam--I LOVE your ideas of planting a tree and getting the tattoo. Both sound very meaningful!
Bella-Thanks for the big cyber hug! I'll be thinking of you on the 29th!
Deb-Thanks for sharing your experience. It makes sense to be switching back and forth from happiness to sadness. You can definitely use some of my ritual ideas. Give it some time--you'll know what you need to do. Let me know what winds up feeling right for you!
Carmen--Oh, a fellow bunny lover!! I have two house rabbits (Bunnykins and Nellie). They're VERY good snuggle therapy!
I feel so much better after reading your reponses. I know how I'm feeling is normal, but it really helps to vent it and be validated. You've done my heart good! I hope all of you are taking good care of yourselves!! Love to you all,
BunnyLover
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