What to tell my 3 1/2 year old

Any suggestion on how to explain this to a 3 1/2 year old? I thought about saying mommy has a boo boo belly, but I am afraid that she will think this is what will happen to her the next time she gets a stomache. She will be fine with me being gone as my parents and husband will be with her, but I think it will both her to see me lying around and in a bit of pain.

Also, she will be having a T&A and tubes in April so I don't want surgery to be a negative thing.

Thanks!

Hi,
I have two girls 5 & 6. I told them I had a bad part inside that wasn't working anymore. The doctor would take it out with a special knife then sew it all up and you will see it when I come home. They were fine with that plus the chance to have their first sleep over at my friends house for two days. I had explained a couple of months before that this might happen. The youngest liked it. She wanted to count the staples, then take care of me, the oldest stood a tad back and told me the scar scared her. So I brought her right up close and let her run her hand along it, and she said....whooo that's a big boo boo. And she was fine with it.

I had all my children delivered by c-section and that has proved very handy over the years in explaining 'how did i get out of your tummy?" My scar was vertical, from navel to pubis, so it resembles the line of the zip in my jeans - 'the nice doctors opened Mam's zip & took you out" sufficed for a good few years!

Now with a teenager, 2 pre-teens & an 8 yr old, the explainations are more detailed, but they are better able for them.

As regards your 3yr old, i would certainly emphasise that only grown-ups can have these problems because sometimes your parts wear out, like the tyres on the car, or the knees of their jeans.

Good luck with the explanations.

I explained to my 4 yr old ... well, nothing until I got home. We explained to both kids that mommy had a doctor's appointment "in the city". Then when only daddy came home, he told them that I had to see some more doctor's in the next couple days who were going to see if they could make mommy "better". Let's face it, our kids know we're not feeling great, or we wouldn't be going for surgery, right? So DH actually only told them about surgery the day I came home. He explained that they figured out that mommy had a part inside (that only mommies have) that was making me hurt. And that they took it out, so everyone had to be gentle with mom when she got home. My 8 yr old was ok with it, he remembered my c-section with my daughter. My 4 yr old was a little shy with me, because it is a little scary to see mommy flat out. But after a day at home, she saw that I was still ME and it was ok. It just all depends on what kind of kids you have, some do better with lots of notice and some do better with no notice.

Good luck with everything!

Children cope so well. They think grown ups do all sort of funny things and this will be one more. I don't think she'll associate it with her at this age. She is too young to realise how serious it is. Keep it very simple. I think you can get away with the only mummys have this at 3. It's like a cut knee that needs to get better but it's inside mummy's tummy- no big deal. I know they're older but I had to explain to my class of 6 year olds. They were more fascinated by the hospital than how I'd be! I just said surgery to them, no details.

I am a teacher of prek-12 years old for over 25 years. Often parents tell children too much and their minds cannot understand the information and they twist the facts. I have a 18 month and 4 year old grandchildren. I did not let them come to the hospital. I did not want them to be frightened (although I would have loved to see them.)

A 3 1/2 year old child needs to know that Mommy will be gone for a couple days and who will be taking care of them, what they will eat, what they will play, etc

Do not explain the surgery. This tends to upset children. They have stomachs or bellies too. They might begin to worry that they will have to go to the hospital for a sore belly.

Also, try to include or even empower the child to be the helper before and afterwards. Make some dinners or treats together and put in the freezer for when Mommy gets home. Get her to help with household things--emptying waste paper baskets, picking up toys, bringing laundry to you. She will love being a "big girl."

She will view all of this as a game to be with Mommy. If you approach this with a need to know --and 3 1/2 year olds do not need to know many details. Things will go fine. Often it is our need to express our fears, anxieties and concerns that make us "blab" too much to these young people.

Best wishes! Jan24

I am the mother of 3 (3 years apart). I have lost 3, and I have had several surgeries for various things. I found that the younger the child, the less they needed to know. My story was that mom is going on a trip (which I did from time to time) and I would have the kids stay with a relative until I was well enough to talk to them without showing pain. Then if there was a question as to why mom was in bed, it was a simple mom doesn't feel well, and I would remind them of a time when they didn't feel well. As long as the younger ones, had plenty of things to do, and the older ones were sworn to not talk about it to them, it worked at fine. As I remember, until my kids were around 6 or 7, they could care less that I was in bed, as long as I talked to them.

I agree with you Donna.. I hate to quote Dr. Phil but I will anyway..lol I heard him once say, there's no need to discuss something negative with your young child that they can't do anything about or have no control over.. He was commenting on giving the real reasons for a divorce but that comment stuck with me for a long time.. it makes sense..

We just feel the need to explain but if knowing will make no positive difference in their life, then I think do't bother them with it..
Just tell them as much as they need to know..
My "stomache or bad belly" has influenced our lives but I try to leave them out of all the negatives about it..

I need to discuss that it will be getting fixed, therefore be sore and that's the reason for not being able to pick them up and cuddle really close for awhile..

but I remember when my mom had a hysterctomy..
I was in grade 7.. I was told absolutely nothing.. I was scared to death and all kinds of things started going through my mind.. I thought she was pregnant and lost it but didn't want to tell me, I thought she was terminally ill etc... Reassurance is a great thing but they have to be told something at that age so their mind doesn't overreact like mine did.. That's just what I think..

When I explained to my 2 1/2 yr old, I kept it simple but honest. I told her mommy had to have surgery and she would get to go to grandma's to play until I got back. I told her that the doctor was going to make my belly feel better. I also stopped picking her up as much so she would get used to me not being able to. After I got home I told her that she could sit in my lap if she was very easy and I told her my belly was sore, but it would get better. She still asks if my belly is still sore-which works out well since I can say Yes but its getting better. She is very understanding and intuitive as most kids are. I'm sure your child will be the same way and be willing to help take care of Mommy.

My youngest son was 7 when I had my surgery last year. I told him that Iwasn't feeling really good lately and that was what was making me cranky and that I was going to the hospital for a surgery to make me feel better. His reply was "Thank goodness!". lol I about rolled on the floor laughing. I knew that I had been cranky and all...but not that bad. Kids are very intune to things.

I agree with what the other ladies have said, just tell her that you have to have something fixed, but that you will be fine.

Good luck!