Advise for DH

Hi, my Dh wants to know if there is a Hyster Brothers web site.
He often reads some of the posts with me. We're both newbies
when it comes to surgery. No kids, never been in the hospital and scheduled for a TAH on 5-11. The swelly belly thing really got him, not to mention, potential shoulder pain from the gas they inflate you with! So...all kidding aside, are there any resources out there for the families/spouses of pending hysterectomies?

LIW in Colorado

Hi

There isn't one as part of the HysterSisters site. I believe that in the past it has been tried, but men aren't like women, they get their answers and then don't stick around to help other men dealing with a partner's surgery, so those sites just fade away. On the other hand women do stay after they have their answers and their surgeries and help others.

Cooper,

Seems for men, the best we can do for them is show them posts from here and let them come to a doctor visit with us. I'm not sure they ever "get it," though. It's either tough for them to comprehend just what we're dealing with or they tend to pretend it isn't going on because they're just as scared as we are (or more.)

Good luck to you both!
s
Cat

My hubby is full of questions too. Its funny cause we both work in the same place and when we come in to fill them in on how I was doing after my last visit he was doing most of the talking. He goes with me to all the dr visits and stays there through the entire visit,physical exam and all. I would suggest to you to have him keep looking through everything with you. As for the gas,I think everyone is different with how they can tolerate it. My mother felt like she was having a heart attack from it. I have had it twice durring a gallbladder and a laproscopic surgery and never really knew I had it. I am not saying she is a whimp and I am not I just didnt notice it like she did. I would try to not stress myself over things like that. I have noticed the more I panic the worse it is. Just try to relax. hope things go well for you!!!~

I thought I would jump in and let you hear my advice (for whatever it is worth).

Men do play a VERY active role with the hysto.

I think first is education. Don't expect DH to go looking through books, sites and so on for what you want him to read. Not only will he never find it but he will read all the things that say how easy, no pain, jump back into your active life once you get home from the hospital (grin).

Print off the documents you want him to read. Highlight the problems you have so he knows what you are feeling.

Ask him to help get the house ready for your return. Cook meals ahead of time for the family. Move things off the high shelf so you can reach them when he is off doing manly things.

When he is at the hospital, set some small rules. Do you want him laying on the couch watching TV all day? Do you want him to give yu a full body massgae? Okay both are exctreme but you get the middle point. A family member staying at the hospital is there to help YOU.

I work in a hospital and I do direct patient care. Nothing burns a hole in my butt more than a lazy family memeber. I want to say, "why on earth are you here". Family is good to help not get in the way of their work, but make you more comfortable.

Your homones will be adjusting and you might need a few pillows to switch out with, you need to walk a lot and it is nice to have a loved one there to support you.

Get DH to tell friends/family to save on the flowers and get plants (if you need to have any). Flowers can cause asthma flare ups and or some have too much of a scent and can make you sick.

You don't have to have DH's guild line done from point A to B and even a marked spot to pee. Just get an idea of the things which you might want done. I know my DH wanted to help but didn't know what to do.

Hugs,

My husband and I are going through some really tough times right now. He says he cares enough to stay with me until after my surgery.

Today I asked him to please do some research on this. I want him to see that it isn't just me that has gone through the mood swings and outburst for the last three years. I wish I would have known then what I do now.

He said that he would try and read all that he could find.

If anyone has any good books for him to read or web sites to go to it would really help my situation with him. I think that he could realize that I'm not alone and either is he, maybe he would be more understanding.

I wish there was a web site for the hubbies. Maybe there he could get advice and understanding from other guys.

Help if you can, I need him to come back to me and care.

Love,

Mopsey