Why do people on the outside always dismiss this surgery as being easy, no worries?

Why is it that when you talk with someone outside of this site, and try to hold a conversation about being nervous or anything concerning an upcomming hysterectomy, they say it is no big deal?

I am talking about women who have had the procedure already.

Is this surgery like having a baby in the respect that once you hold the child in your arms, the pain goes away from your memory?

Don't women out there remember the stress felt during the time they were awaiting their fate?

It makes me mad when I try to find women to have conversations with about what is comming and they are all like, no big deal girl, been there done that, you shouldn't be worried at all. It isn't as bad as you think. A hysterectomy is so minor, don't stress.

Can't they remember the fear of the unknown?

I agree that it is a big deal..But I think that so many people repond that way because so many women have it done. 600,000 a year is a huge number. It seems that many people do have a casual attitude towards the surgery.

I wonder the same thing!!! I have 3 friends who have had hysterectomies and they all were like, oh you'll be fine, it's not that bad, I was up painting my livingroom in 4 days!!!
Now they act like I'm milking it after being 2 wks. post op!!!
They call and want to take me out shopping!!!
I now wish they would all stay away until I'm totally recovered!

Hi Kelly,

I agree that it is indeed a big deal. Like Pearle said, it is a common surgery and maybe that is part of the reason.

For me, it was a big deal and it was major surgery. Compared to what some ladies here had have to endure before and after surgery, maybe in some way, my surgery and recovery experience was no big deal to some. I was very lucky and blessed to have a very uneventful and uncomplicated surgery and recovery but it was a very emotional time for me and time out of my life to have surgery and recover.

I saw my mom go through a radical TAH/BSO and recovery at my age and it was no walk in the park. She did well and is still doing well today, but recovery took time.

I can say, 'been there done that', but I would never say it was no big deal and you shouldn't be worried at all. You are going to worry...we all do.

I will say that I will keep you in my prayers that you have a good surgery and recovery and send you my very best wishes and s.

s

Deb

Hi ladies, thanks for the replies.

I am not over stressed about the surgery, or worried either. However like many ladies in waiting, I have tons of questions. The closer I get to surgery, the more questions I am thinking of.

I haven't found a chat room deticated specifically dedicated to hysterectomy's and the closest I have gotten is a woman's chat room.

I don't want women out there to feel sympathetic for me and what I am about to go thru, I just want to be able to ask questions and get answers.

I promise once I am on the other side, never to dismiss a person who wants to ask questions.

I think part of the reason people say don't worry it's no biggie..is so that you won't worry.
Kind of like when a pregnant woman asks what childbirth is really like and you don't really say....it is the merciful thing to do you don't want to add to someone's worries who is already going into surgery.

There is also the "Forget factor",people forget exactly what they went through especially if it was hard. People are good at blocking that stuff out.

When I told my employer I had to take time off for a hyst. her response was,
"Do you have to I just put an ad out for you...."
I had to repeat myself to her
" I said I am having a hysterectomy not a vacation to Hawaii."

I think alot of people hear the word hysterectomy and hear Hawaii.

Just my own observation.

Toodles,

Judy

I think it's probably a combo of things...

*Many people get uncomfortable around other people's fears and don't know what to say, so they say "It's nothing!"

*People tend to generalize their own experiences to everyone else. Maybe some women *were* out shopping 2 weeks later. I know I wasn't! Kinda like when you have kids and other people give you all sorts of advice based on what worked with *their* kids, when all kids are different.

*I'll bet a lot of people *do* forget the anxiety they had beforehand...especially women who are not that in touch with their feelings to begin with. They like to forget about it when it's over because those memories are not pleasant.

*Then there are the people who are scared for you and don't want you to know it, so they minimize it.

*I agree with what someone else said about giving birth...why scare a new mother-to-be? Giving birth is rarely pleasant, except for that wonderful prize at the end. Surgery is rarely pleasant either, and you don't get the lovely prize, either! (But you also only have to attend to yourself, not a baby, too).

*And then there are women who remember being *very* afraid beforehand and then being *so* pleasantly surprised when it wasn't so bad. You know, all those sisters who say that waiting was the hardest part...

Well, that was quite the ramble. Hope I didn't bore you all to tears!



Margot

I've got to agree that a lot of women do forget the details, which is a good thing. I know that if I hadn't kept a journal, and then stayed here as a Hostess that by now my surgery and recovery would be nothing but a dim memory. I do go back and re read my journal every so often to remind myself that yes, I did have some constipation a couple of weeks after surgery, and also so I could remember how very nervous I was. Looking at the journal - in the weeks leading up to surgery I was writing in it each day, and the closer surgery got the longer my entries became. After surgery, for the first few weeks, long entries each day, they started getting shorter, then less frequent, til I might now make some kind of notation when my hysterversary rolls around.

Please cut your friends some slack, although they will try to be supportive our surgery isn't as important to them as it is to us.

S and best wishes!