am i being selfish

my oldest daughter lives in the next city and works shifts . when i go for my op 05/oct/05 she is on nights so i didnt expect here to visit me .but now she has told me she has booked 3 days of work the week before.she has just had a week of .it upset me a bit to think i wasnt worth taking a few days of to visit in hospital. am i been selfish

No, you are not being selfish, she is. You raised her and now she should be willing to step in and help you in your time of need. Since she is a female, and her mother is having a hyst, she might need to think about that fact that she may need on some day as well. Then she will need you!

But, that could be the problem, is she afraid and trying to run from your surgery so she doesn't have to face her fears? You know how some people believe what they don't know won't hurt them?

Best wishes and I hope you do have supportive individuals that will be around to help you.

I can not believe that, you should be hurt and angry. And I think you should tell her how you feel.
You need her, let her know
Take Care,
Kay

thank you for your reply
i have my DH and my youngest daughter who is 11.she says she will be there to hold my hand ,because in her words( i do it for her when she isnt feeling very well and it makes her feel better when i hold her hand.)i think my oldest thinks i asked for the op so i have to put with it.

Why would she think that way, we don't ask for what our bodies tell us need to be taken care of
I am sure you would rather not be going thru a surgery, and like my Very Dear Mother told me when she was taking care of me, (Someday I will need you)
Does she not realize that she might need you to be there for her someday
She is being selfish.......
I will VENT for you
KAY

it might be me taking it the wrong way, because i dont feel very well my stomche and back are hurting and i cant stop being sick.and my dh had to go to work on nights.i just feel so alone.my middle daughter lives a long way from us. its good to have some one to chat to.sorry i keep winging.thanks again for your suport
liz

Many ladies use this site as a sounding board, just to vent, get things off our chest, ask questions we are too embarrassed to ask our dr, so feel free to come here and do the same!

Here awhile back we had a lady tell us about her horrible weekend and we all ended up dying laughing when it was all said and done! Bad thing for the new princesses is that laughing hurts there poor tummies!

You will be amazed at the responses you will find on this site, how something you have expereinced but thought you were the only one, several of us have actually experienced. For instance, just so you know, many of us ended up with new bodies odors after a hyst! But who warned us about that??!!

So, I hope things work out with your daughter but if not, I am glad you have your 11 year old who sounds very compassionate!

Hello there,

As we do not know your daughter I would NOT like to prejudge or say she is Selfish I am a mum of three children - 2 young men aged 26 and 18 and my daughter is 21yrs. At times we have mis-understandings and instead of talking them thru - we can become upset with each other or possibly not understand, just what pain the other is suffering I would like to think your daughter just does not understand the stress you are presently feeling. If you explain this to her or even show her the "Hyster-Systers" Site - she might just get to realise you need her help & may try to change her holidays. I am sorry you are struggling - I am also and this is a good place to Vent or to chat to others. Like you I am Pre Op and my thoughts & Prayers are with you. I sincerely hope that you are able to chat with your daughter. If you make her feel "Less Guilty" but explain your not coping too well - I am sure she will be there for you. If not message me anytime - for we all like to feel loved, heard & understood and WE CAN TALK? You are NOT alone, donna42 p.s. You are having your surgery on my daughters birthday - so I can hardly forget. Also, your daughter may have a viable reason to need those few days off work before your surgery. Plse ask her?

I have to be honest here -- I didn't want ANY visitors in the hospital. Including my dh. I'm the kind of person who wants to be left a-l-o-n-e when I'm sick!!!

I'd prefer to think that your daughter is either a bit squeamish about you having surgery, or she is truly thinking it isn't that big of a deal. Either way, is it really worth it to get all uptight about something like that? Probably not.

Also, I thought you said at the beginning of your post that you didn't expect her to come visit you? Maybe she took you at your word and figured it was OK to schedule work for that time.

For what it's worth, I was much more "up" for having visitors after I had been home a week or so. I'm sure you will be, too. And I have a feeling your daughter will come to see you, although it may not be while you're still in the castle.

If it really does bother you, though -- by all means let her know. No sense keeping it inside and letting a resentment build up. At least clear the air with her! You will both be glad you did.

I don't know what kind of work your daughter does, but I work nights (3:30 to midnight), and where I work we have to schedule our vacation time in November of the previous year. It can be difficult to impossible for me to be granted "unscheduled" leave. I have a supervisor that would not grant me leave to be off when my brother had surgery. Your daughter may not be able to take off for your surgery. Has she said that she won't be visiting you in the hospital? Yes--then it could be she is selfish or possibly scared (none of us wants anything to happen to our parents) or perhaps she doesn't like to visit people in the hospital (I certainly don't).

One question for you--have you ever worked shift work? It takes a lot out of a person, especially rotating shifts. Please read articles about the effects of working "anything but 9 to 5" hours.

Please try not to judge your daughter.

Take care and good luck!

Carol