How to explain to those who don't understand hysterectomies..?? (children ment'd)

Hi all,

I am exactly 1 month post-op from LAVH, and I have relatives and in-laws that seem to think I am "exaggerating" not feeling too well yet (for visiting and resuming all my normal activities, especially housework, work, etc.). My husband is in-between jobs and is thankfully able to help me out, and my mom lives closeby, as well, so I get lots of much-needed help. Mainly, I have not been able to attend a lot of little extended family gatherings, as we live out in the country about 1 hour away from nearly everyone, and the drive is a killer each way (much less having to participate and exhaust myself in dealing with everything - I have a 4 y/o and a 3 month old to keep up with on top of everything else).

Mainly, it's my in-laws that are trying to understand why I am being "babied". LOL. Especially my MIL, who informed me that it was HER understanding that hysterectomies only take 10 days to recover completely from, tops. Period. She even started giving me and my husband advice on how I should recover more quickly (i.e., she told me to start vacuuming one day, and then up the next level of house cleaning the next and do more and more each day/build on that and I should be fine. She has never had a hysterectomy, obviously!), since she thinks I am "taking too long" and exaggerating my circumstance. She refuses to believe that my doc told me no pushing grocery carts, vaccuuming, any major cleaning/housework, bending, lifting, etc. until 6+ weeks, and even then, he told me that I may need more time before I'm OK to do those things, each woman is dfferent, etc.

Like me, she has had c-sections, and I'm not sure about anyone else's experiences, but my c-sections were WAY easier to recover from than my LAVH (which surprised the HECK outta me, to be honest).

It's not even that my recovery has been so bad, but I have had little set-backs (lower back pain, being sore if I try to do too much, this 'n that, etc.) and therefore needing more rest than normal, and it has been frustrating for ME that I haven't "snapped back" immediately. I don't know how to take the comments and digs and snarky remarks on top of that.

What do you gals tell everyone when people aren't understanding that a hysterectomy is a serious surgery, and needs serious recovery time like all major surgeries?? I'm trying not to get too ticked off at MIL (she's an arrogant know-it-all about everything and everyone anyhow, so I know it's not just me or this sitch) or other in-laws that "question" why it's "taking so long", but I never can think of a good response when they make up stories like, "Well, my friend's third cousin's sister's daughter had a hysterectomy once and they were back to work within a week and doing everything they could do before the surgery at that time. Why can't you?"

It also doesn't help that I caught the flu in all of this, and the coughing is killing me while I'm trying to heal!

Grrr! Sorry to vent!

Thanks for listening.

Kathryn

Vent away! That's what this site is for, support. Maybe you can try referring your MIL to this site. Perhaps if she sees that the great majority of us are not back to "super woman" status in "10 days" then she will begin to see that you aren't stretching the truth to her. If you had followed her advice, you could very well have ended up in even worse shape, maybe even back in the hospital. Take the time you need to heal, dear. As if often said in here, we only have one chance to do this right.

BIG HUGS and Blessings.

Hi
I agree send her here let her check it out herself. Then again she well probably find one of those made of steel super women (theres always one) to compare to
Also for your dh there is misterhystersisters.com that he can check out. mine did and it helped tremendously. Then maybe he could stand up to his momma (Haha) for you.
Good luck to you.

All I can say is thank goodness for this site and the wonderful women who are here. I am 3 1/2 weeks post SAH BSO and am beginning to get hints that I should be over this. In fact, one from my BIL who is a physician! Tells me the recovery should be no differnet than a quickie gallbaldder repair!

I too have been surprised by the slow recovery from this surgery. I have had 3 previous c-sections and was back up and on my feet within 2 weeks tops. Granted I was a few years younger, but I have been taken aback by just how much this has taken out of me. I cannot get through the day without a few rest stops on the couch and by evening I really do need to just stop and put my feet up and be a princess. I pretty much have never asked for help so this is all a new experience for me - and one I cannot help but admit I am feeling some level of guilt about. But then I read the posts on this site and it makes me realize I am not alone nor am I going through this in a unigue way.

I fully intend to take the time I need to heal - I do want to come out of this on the other side feeling better than I did going in and with no complications to impede me going forward. And I have all of you on this site, with your years of wisdom and experiences to share, for guiding me along the way!

Wow- would refer your mil to tjis site,and let her read a few of our threads.You only get 1 chance to heal,and what if you broke some stitches inside,and had to go back into the hospital?Just let yourself heal,and everything else will get done in time.

Oh,by the way my boyfriend called me today and asked if I was "wanting some"yet and I laughed at him and he said-well,it has been 10 days,aren't you all healed?I told him I had MAJOR surgery,and he still doesn't get it.Oh,well.People just need to get over theirselves and let us heal!

I tried to go to work,my DR even gave me the go ahead with weight restrictions and no pushing and pulling,but my supervisor won't let me come back.So I will just stay home and heal,while iIworry about the bills.

You should check for a previous thread labeled "MIL driving me crazy."posted by someone else in pretty much the same boat. Loads of helpful responses, all variations on the theme of tell your MIL to butt out. Really. You do not and should not have to justify yourself. Doctors orders - that's it. Tell her stuff it. sorry but this just burns me -- which is weird bc my inlaws have been great. Good luck!

Do not let anybody other than your doctor tell you what to do. Make sure you take care of yourself b/c if you don't your recovery may be longer than necessary. I am 12 days post op and my husband called me lazy 2 days ago b/c I didn't want to babysit my 1 and 3 yr old boys at 7 am and just stayed in bed and slept. I told him if he did it again, I am just going to start crying and telling him about my pain and discomfort all day long, then may be it would click in his brain that I am sick. I hope he understood Please rest as much as possible!

I also have had some hints about maybe I am just as it was put to me milking all this a little bit but I am just ignoring it. You have to take this time to heal it is all the time you are going to get and if it gets messed up then there is a good chance you will be sick again soon. I dont think that anyone who has not had this done can understand what it does to us so I am really just not expecting them too, I know that I never imagined recover was going to be so hard so how could they.

OMG I am so glad I found this thread. I am a few days past one month after a VH removal of one ovary, the cervix and uterus. The recovery has been HORRIBLE. I am just beginning to feel like a person and I get the feeling that others think I should be "over this already" My sister said, OH Hyst. are no big deal, in and out, NOT like the old days" she is only 2 yrs older than I am. I had some complications that set me back as well.

I am so thankful for this list and this thread too

Susan