TAH husband just doesn't understand

Hello everyone! I'm wondering if any of you ladies are having problems with your husband understanding that even though you look better on the outside, you're not healed on the inside. My husband thinks since I'm home all day laying around, that I could be doing something like cooking or laundry. My mother and aunt and sister have been helping me the first two weeks and have been a Godsend. None of his family has come over to help at all. I mentioned to him last night that he or my 19 year old son should be sorting and doing laundry. I don't want my mother coming over to my house only to do laundry when they are capable of doing it themselves. When I mentioned this to my husband, he just told me goodnight and walked off with some what of an attitude. I'm trying not to argue or be mad But he has no idea what I'm going through. I feel terrible watching my house get dirtier and dirtier and not being able to do anything about it right now. How did you get your husband to help out more and to be more considerate of what you're going through? I refuse to put myself back in the hospital trying to do what he thinks I should be doing. So very frustrated... Any suggestions please. Thank you all so much and thank you for this site! It has been such a blessing during my recovery.

Hello there I agree that your husband should pick up and do what really is his share of the laundry! It is frustrating that you want to get better but he is not being compassionate about what you are going through ( I am almost 3 weeks post abdominal hysterectomy and so I say this totally understanding your situation still mostly lying in bed)
I don't know how you can get him to understand except if he has undergone any surgery or hardship that you can try to make a comparison to. I really hope he turns his attitude around but in the meantime don't do it. The laundry will have to pile up and then maybe he will have to give in to avoid having his mother in law wash his boxers!stay strong my Hyster sister

I m 2 weeks post op but had total laparoscopic hysterectomy and even still today my husband came home went to his tablet (hoping someone would get dinner going - not me!), in the meantime I came back up to bed now writing this to you. Men just don't get it. Waiting for him to say we're having cereal (easy way out) or he will ask me what I want ....no, no, no YOU figure it out. I think some of them were catered to as children and now they still want that same attention.

So sorry to hear about your husbands attitude. Mine was the same. I came home the same day from surgery and was doing normal housework the next day. BAD IDEA! In the end it costed me several more weeks off from work. Also, you had an abdominal hysterectomy - seriously - at least 6-8 weeks of recovery for that! Mine was just Davinci. Some guys just don't understand. I wasn't blessed with having any help from anyone during my recovery though. I feel your pain!

If you find it calming to do so, how about prayer or reading of some sort. Stick to ur HysterSisters for additional comfort.
I've asked husband twice now for the bed to b changed!!!!! Still waiting .....

I'm sorry you ladies are experiencing this. I am 2 weeks TAH post op today. My husband has done everything that needs to be done. Except for knowing I'm not healed, and the remaining bulge that is still evident, I feel great. I have actually washed a few loads of clothes, but he gets them out of the washer and dryer, and I have cooked one dinner. Other times, he has made us soup and sandwiches or picked up takeout. I'm not sure what you can do to get your husbands to understand if they just don't get it. I hope that a light bulb will come on for them. I can't imagine the stress this is causing you.

Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. I am fortunate that my boyfriend is understanding, but if he wasn't, I'd probably play the sex card.

Like, "I won't heal properly if I am under stress because of being expected to do things my body isn't ready for. And the longer I take to heal, the longer it will be before we can have sex."

That is way more politically correct than what I would want to say, but don't want to offend anyone.

I totally agree I'm one week post op from lavh my husband was very considerate and helpful for the first couple days and then just stopped I've had family help out through day 5 but now it's me with five kids trying to do the laundry and cook and sweep my kids r all 10 and under so they vacuum and try to help but we know how that goes god love them! But I was sitting here crying when I read this post cause I feel like everyone was so supportive wanting me to do this for me and then I'm left hanging I wish I could give words of encouragement but all I keep telling myself is it'll all b ok it won't last forever I wish u the best and wish men were more understanding keep your chin up we will all pull through

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Originally Posted by ABOUTTODOTHIS ...I feel terrible watching my house get dirtier and dirtier and not being able to do anything about it right now...

The house isn't your problem. Neither is the laundry. Your #1 job is to take care of yourself and heal. There is no #2.

The house will still be there in six weeks or so when you can do something about it. By then you may have to go at the mess with a shovel, but the walls will still be standing.

In the meantime, if your husband and son want food, they'll figure how to make it - or order out for it. If they want clean clothes, they'll figure out how to do the laundry. Or maybe they'll just wear dirty clothes - they're guys, they may not notice.

But none of this is *your* problem.

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Originally Posted by ABOUTTODOTHIS So very frustrated... Any suggestions please. Thank you all so much and thank you for this site! It has been such a blessing during my recovery.

I completely understand! I wish I knew how to get him to help out more (or your son) and be understanding of your recovery process but I haven't found that magical solution yet! My husband is the same way, making snarky remarks about how I do nothing all day and yet is the first one to make a mess and turn a blind eye so for now all I can offer you is a hug and some understanding! If you find the magical solution before I do, please do share!!!