Emotional basketcase (TAH/BSO upcoming for cervical cancer)

I am scheduled for radical TAH/BSO with pelvic lymph node dissection on Oct 7. I have invasive cervical cancer with very abnormal uterine cell findings also.

I've been doing very well until these last 5 days. It seems all I want to do is cry, eat, sleep, and have a temper tantrum. This is so unlike me. I'm asleep within seconds of going to bed and sometimes fall asleep sitting up watching TV also.

I have a million things to do before surgery......... both in the home and outside the home.......... and find I just don't have the energy to do it and so am getting nothing done and feeling bad about being so lazy and unproductive. I know I will panic the last few days because there will still be so much left to do and so little time to do it in.

Has anyone else been through this...... and if so........ is there a way to settle myself down and get organized and get the work done? I'm not consciously thinking about the surgery all the time or stressing about it, but think that has to be what is going on.

Thanks

I guess the first thing I would reccomend is not to be hard on yourself. You have to allow yourself not to be all together because of your situation.

Have faith. Believe that you are in good hands and try to think positive thoughts about your surgery.

Take a deep breath and grab a pad and pen. Think of the most important things you need to get done. Don't sweat the small stuff. Take one at a time. If you can delegate or get help don't think twice.

What I went through was a PE (Blood clots in the lungs) about 1-1/2 week after my LAVH. I was having a real hard time just breathing and was total dependent on morphine and blood thinners, for the first few days. Then one week in the hospital. At first I couldn't stand up without teetering like a drunken sailor after I was off of the morphine. They had to pull up a porta potty because I came so close to falling a couple of times. Still needed help to just get to the porta potty. Yep I was pathetic. The first day I try to walk, I seen what condition I was in. I broke down and cried like a baby. The nurse assistant tried to encourage me, but I was having an emotional breakdown. I hadn't had the opportunity up to this point, because I was to busy surviving. It was when I was out of the crisis, that it finally hit. I had a few more breakdowns after that. I had severe nightmares. I am not a weak person, but everyone has their breaking point.

So I hope this help. I pray that everything will go well for you and that your body will heal.

Peaches

I'm so sorry you are so stressed out! I think that most of us are overwhelmed with surgery coming up. The fear of the unknown is the worst--whether it's fear of pain, the final diagnosis, loss of control, et cetera.

We also all have different ways of coping, some women become cleaning and organizing powerhouses while others become close to being paralyzed by it all. Like you, I'm in the latter group; I just can't motivate to arrange life with me out of commission for a while and can't find energy to exercise.

Have you spoken with your doc about how you are feeling emotionally? Maybe you would benefit from some anti-anxiety medication to take the edge off the panic. I know that I'm not sleeping at all (but I haven't built up the courage to talk with my doc about it either!).

I just keep telling myself that this time next month it will all be over...

hi there I am 6 months post op (cervical cancer insitu)
and I was just like you totally stressing out about everything!!!! It's a terrible state to be in and I really feel for you cos I can totally relate.

I know its really hard to do but allow yourself time to relax everyday.....even if it's only 5 or 10 minute her or there......do some slow deep breathing ......I found counting up to 4 slowly breathing in and hold for 4 breath out for and stop for 4 helpful and doing muscle tensing and squeezing then letting go...do this for various parts of your body.

I found his website really helpful and reassuring and hope you do too.

Some things I found useful in the preparation were:

-Stocking the pantry with small tubs of canned fruits; baked beans; tuna; muesli bars; dried fruits; prunes; nuts aswell as some treat like chocolate covered apricots or sultanas; sweet biscuits; crackers etc so they are ready for you when you com out of hospital

- I froze a meal or two but dont stress if you dont do this as friends will
make some meals

- Stock the fridge and freezer

MAKE SURE THESE THINGS ARE ON A SHELF IN FRONT OF YOU SO YOU DONT HAVE TO REACH UP AND IN SMALLER SIZES SO NOT TOO HEAVY ( I'm not sure if you have children but I had big 3 litre milk's so started buying 1 litre as not so heavy]

Another huge help was putting a plastic outdoor chair in the shower...this was so helpful in the early days when you return home.

Get some books, magazines and DVDs ready for when you come home too.

I hope this has been of some help to you wishing you all the very best.

First of all, big hugs. Second, give yourself time everyday for crying, being upset, etc. Like 5 mins at 7:30 am. Once you have a good cry for the day, dont let yourself go there again until the next day.

My aunt had a kidney transplant. Her anti rejection meds gave her aggessive cancer. She had a radical hysterectomy. She is about a year out, FEELING GREAT now. Even on a VERY low dose of estrogen. You WILL get through this.

its very normal to be nervous and scared..dont be hard on yourself. do what you can to get the things you need to do done and if you dont get to everything..it all will still be there when you recover from your surgery. good luck

Hi OregonSun…

I’m experiencing a lot of the same things. I am not my typical self and have been overly emotional… and I think that’s pretty normal when facing major surgery and related concerns (thank goodness for all the great ladies on this site!!!). I’m going in for a TAH/BSO/LOA on Oct 1 (fibroids, cysts, loads of adhesions, possible cancer/other issues, etc. … they said will only know what all is going on when they get in there).

I’d been plugging along, but losing steam the past several days and feeling like a slacker. Yesterday was my meltdown day. I totally lost it and felt that I just couldn’t do one more thing in preparation. My DH also got an earful about all my concerns (what will they find, how will he deal with taking care of me and doing all the stuff I usually do around the house and in our own business… yada, yada, yada). After that tantrum I decided to just take a break and try to stop thinking… the best medicine for me was to chill in the living room and watch a couple comedy movies… ahhhhhh… I forgot my cares for a while and just enjoyed the humor. Afterwards I did have a few “to do” items on my mind, so I jotted them down and went to bed.

This morning I felt a lot better. I looked over my list and prioritized. While I’m the type that always wants to be prepared for just about anything, I realized that I need to cut myself some slack, so I moved some stuff into the “would be nice” to do category (hard for me!). I’m going to focus on the crucial items and try to stop overwhelming myself. I also broke the activities into smaller chunks rather than one big huge list. And if things get rough again, I’m gonna take a time out and catch some laughs!

Hope you find something that works for you! Take a break and recharge when needed. Focus on the most important items, and if you get other stuff done too, then that’s a bonus!

(((HUGS))) to you! Hang in there and I hope all goes well with your surgery and recovery.

OregonSun, I found that I spent a lot of time sleeping or struggling to sleep in the weeks after my cancer diagnosis and before my surgery. I have been impressed and amazed at the Hystersisters who found the energy to organize everything before their surgeries. Since no one does my job at the office when I am gone, I focused more of my efforts there. DH and I are empty nesters so I figured we could get through without a lot of advance preparation.

Originally, my surgery was scheduled three weeks out as my gyn onc already had a family vacation planned. However, when a cancelation meant that I could move up my surgery with only three days to prepare, what I found was that I was able to get the necessary things done at work in that short time span. I did not worry about getting things done at home because there are only the two of us there.

I had the same experience as Tearose - so many neighbors and friends brought us such delicious meals that for three weeks after my surgery, DH had nothing more to do than to warm up food. Although he does not do a thorough job at cleaning up the kitchen, we had no bug infestations while he was in charge!

The house was looked after largely by my regular cleaning person. After we did a remodeling project a couple of years ago, I hired a cleaning service for all of the post project mess and found it was money well spent - so I then found someone to do it on a regular basis. I would encourage you to think about having someone come in a time of two, if you do your own cleaning.

As far as taking care of myself afterward, DH and one of my sisters spent the first week with me. (DH alone would have been plenty of help but my sister was very worried about the cancer diagnosis.) I did not go out and buy new nighties or bed linens or anything. Although I did take out some books from the library, I found it difficult to concentrate on them and must admit I spent my two weeks at home either sleeping or watching TVs or DVDs.

Please take it easy on yourself, OregonSun. You only have this one chance to "pamper the princess."

Thank you ladies for all your helpful and thoughtful sharing of ideas and experiences. DH is just gonna have to everything for the first few weeks after surgery....... and I think he'll rise to the occassion when he has to. We'd planned on help from my sister but her husband was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer and will also be going in for surgery within the month, so she will have her own patient there to keep her busy. We will make it work. I'm not even so worried about after surgery as I am about getting things done that need to be done before surgery........ the things I am not doing cuz I fall asleep instead

...nothing wrong with a little sleep avoidance !!! I ended up the last 2 weeks before surgery calling my dr. and asking for a short supply of Xanax. It really helped so much... I wanted my mind to be able to relax so my body could focus on the physical healing!

God's peace with you!!

Lea