finally had sex--good news and bad news

I finally got up the courage to have sex with dh. I had mesh removal surgery on Febr. 5th, along with recoterocele, enterocele, and a urethral sling made from my own fascia.

Intercourse was nicely pain free--the good news--but I can feel nothing in my clitoris. I couldn't feel anything with orgasm there--just a release! I am so upset! Do nerves ever regenerate after surgery?

Another thing TMI--when I had a bowel movement this morning, that hurt a little bit.

I feel somewhat relieved that I'm pain free vaginally--but at a high cost.

That is mostly good news! I end up with a charliehorse-like cramp in my vagina when we try. I am glad you are painfree. I couldn't last long enough to have an O the last 2 times. I made DH stop when the cramp hits.

I also have numbness. I am numb the whole length of the right side of the opening of my vagina and the labia. I have no idea if this gets better. I would be much more upset if it included my clitoris too. I will be interested to see if anyone knows. I think I have read that nerves can regenerate. Let's hope so. You have been through too much to have to miss out on the really good stuff!

I also have tenderness in the rectal area after intercourse and I think it is the muscle repair not liking the stretching it must get. Actually, I kind of hurt inside and out in these early days so you are doing well if you got rid of the pain. Hang in there...it has not been that long since surgery (I know it feels like a lifetime!!!!).

cheryltwin,
I wouldn't get too upset yet, the first time I tried to have an 'O', I couldn't feel it at all, but with time it's getting some feeling back. I sure hope you have the same luck. I do however still have a long way to go to get back how I felt before the hyst. Hugs.

Carol-- Did you have any procedures at all around the clitoral area? It does make you wonder why the nerves there would be disturbed, doesn't it? I've been thinking that at least initially, the whole vulvar area is awfully stretched by all the instruments when doing any vaginal surgery so it wouldn't be surprising if something is temporarily numbed or even perhaps slightly injured. I'm NO EXPERT but it does seem sort of logical if you've ever looked at pictures of such surgeries.

TMI: For me it seems to be a hit-or-miss thing with intercourse. I know it works but I think now that it's anxiety that causes me to have problems. Once I feel that cramp feeling--similar to what Kathie mentions--I am nervous of things proceeding to the O and just mostly stop 'progressing', shall we say. I am pretty sure my problem is mental at this point. I KNOW there will be pain since there already has been and in anticipation of the further pain, I don't 'allow' myself to go on. It happens about every other time my DH and I have intercourse. It isn't good, I know, but I just can't seem to help it. Who wants to have pain? <sigh>

I think the good thing for you, like the others have said, is the lack of pain. If you keep on going, you may have a total return of ALL feelings. That would be a GOOD thing.

Please let your doctor know. S/he might have some good advice to offer or even someone else to refer you to if s/he can't offer anything more him or herself. The bowel thing is something you DEFINITELY need to let your doctor know about. If it's related to having had intercourse, you may need to go a bit slower and have the episodes a bit farther apart for now BUT ask your 1st.

Sending a and +++ thoughts....

Cheryltwin,
Nerves in the body can regenerate, however it can be a very slow process. I do not know specifics about nerves in the clitoral or perineal region. I would encourage you to let you physician know that you have no clitoral feeling. I hope you get the feeling back soon!

Katheim, thanks for your words of support. I hope your numbness goes away also.

Bowlingirl, you give me hope that it is just a temporary thing. God, I hope so! I had this surgery to get my sex life back... and the big O is a big part of it!

Orahdeb, I, too was very anxious before having post surgery sex. I had a few glasses of wine to smooth the anxiety a bit. My husband has waited too long--he had some trouble holding back--I kept having to remind him that I had surgery--kind of a downer, huh! You are right--the lack of pain, except a little at initial penetration--it felt like I was a virgin (I think--its been so long!).

Nurse83,
I am going to try again and if I still have so sensation, I will call the doctor. I'm kind of nervous to call--I'm scared he'll say, sorry but there is nothing we can do--sometimes that happens.

Carol, you are welcome. I really do think the sensations will come back. By 12 weeks I thought I would not even feel like I had anything done and it is a much slower process than I expected. I used to have to really focus to have an orgasm and now all my focus is on controlling the event (my DH gets a little carried away as well) and changing positions and changing my mind. I feel like I am directing a show or something. Hard to keep the mind headed the right direction.

I really think time and some stretching are going to to alot for our future sex successes. I found myself relieved that I did not have to try this week after the silver nitrate. I know I need to lose that negative feeling or it will grow into a big problem. Just try and stay relaxed (we may all turn into winos) and it will fall back into place!

Thanks Katheim! I'm still toying with the idea of calling my doctor. I am still having a small amount of thick yellow/cream discharge that dries hard. After I had sex, it had a slight amount of blood in it. (Sorry--too much info!). I wonder if it is still unhealed granulation like the doctor burned off with silver nitrate, at my 8 week check up. He said that I didn't need to come back--to just go to my family doc for followup--but I really don't think she would have a clue about what to do with unresolved granulation, if that's what it is. I'm putting off calling my surgeon, because I am just tired of dealing with this! I'm hoping it will just go away!

Does anyone know if granulation goes away on its own? When I had granulation pre second surgery--it was covering mesh that was rearing its ugly head. I am paranoid that the mesh that is left is trying to come out! I'm probably a bit depressed and am thinking too negatively.

I think you are right--its time to try and stay relaxed and not to fixate on everything! I had to laugh at the wino comment. Wine does help with the relaxation part!

Carol, Do you go to a regular GYN closer to you? I think that DR can get rid of vaginal granulation as easily as the specialist surgeon can. Maybe you could call and ask if s/he could handle it? Just a thought in case you don't want to go back to the surgeon.

I don't know if granulation goes away on its own. I also remember its presence always trying to grow over the mesh and it sure made me nervous when I had it at my 6 week checkup. It was all gone at my 8 week check after the silver nitrate burn-off at 6 weeks. I know it's overzealous tissue growth but maybe it would go away eventually? My old UroGYN used be glad it was there trying to cover the mesh. The only way to really find out is to ask a GYN, I believe.

Kathie--You made me laugh. Directing a show just describes it. "Orchestrating a performance" is a phrase that just popped into my mind, too. Oh, it's WAY difficult to keep one's mind on the 'here and now' sometimes when one is trying to think ahead and worry about something in the near future. (Did that make sense to you? Sometimes I feel like the scarecrow on the Wizard of Oz: 'If I only had a brain'.)


Do either of you remember the old song--"I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home"? I first heard that song--believe it or not--on my wedding day nearly 25 years ago. It was in a tabletop jukebox at 24 hour diner where we had breakfast. Ahh, the memories....[Btw, I don't drink but I think the song's a hoot. ]

If we did not have each other to laugh with we would be crying by now. No one else in the world understands what is in my head right now but you wonderful ladies! OrahDeb, you made perfect sense AND you understood just what I meant. I vaguely remember the song. My ex MIL who I loved dearly )she passed away 4 yrs ago and I miss her as much as my own mom who passed 30 years ago used to sing it when we were joking around. She would watch my kids on Sundays when I worked and have dinner all set for me with a glass of wine every week. It was the only pampering I got for 15 years. Your reminder brought it all back. Thank you!

Carol, the way my Dr described granulation I think it would go away some day but be very easily irritated in the mean time. Call your Dr and see if they can treat it. It seems pretty standard fare for regular gyn's. My surgeons partner used it earlier on me when she had to clip a stitch that was too tight at 3 weeks.

In the meantime, thanks to you both for being there! "Misery loves company" comes to mind but that isn't it. I wish really good things for you but feel a little stronger knowing I am not dealing all by myself!