Feeling like a failure

My surgery is scheduled for April 26. Vaginal lap, but possibly TAH because of scar tissue. Some of my women friends I've told question my decision. I tell them I've tried every alternative treatment I could find and still no relief but I sense judgment coming from them. And I know that it wouldn't bother me if I didn't feel the same way about myself. I feel like I'm caving in to western medicine and taking the easy way out. Like I should spend more time using progesterone cream, visualization, acupuncture, etc. But I'm so sick of these fibroids pressing on my bladder and bowels and looking five months pregnant. Has anyone else felt this way? If so, what did you do to gain peace of mind?

Thanks!

Tayjamie:
I'm sorry you are not getting the support I know you want and need.

I understand what you are going through, I tried everything I could to avoid getting my hyst (6 mo. post op) and when the dr told me it was the only thing left, I felt like a failure not only as a woman but as a patient. I kept thinking I should fight harder, deal with the pain better, but realistically I couldn't do either. Between the extreme pain and bleeding, I was miserable and out of work more than I was there and when I was at work I just wanted to scream and cry from the pain.

I too had people give me that look of disdain, but I also had close friends and family that supported me. Some of these family and friends also had been through a hyst. the best information that I received was from my mother-in-law, she said "Life isn't about having a uterus, but about having a life, if you are spending all your time in bed then you have NO life and are missing seeing your kids grow up." "It isn't quantity of life, but quality"

I can say that having my Hyst was the best thing I EVER did, I no longer spend weeks bleeding and everyday in constant pain. My marriage is better because I no longer dread the pain of sex....EVERYTHING is better than before. I wouldn't change a thing!

You have to make the decision based on your experience, and your tolerance for pain. The people that aren't supporting you apparently haven't walked a mile in your shoes, when they do, you can be there to support their decision.

I hope I have helped you. Take care and god bless you!

Tammy

I know how you feel. What can I do, what did I not do, what could I have done etc...etc...etc.
It comes down to--how do you make a fibroid/uterus/adno/endo shrink?
There is no fool proof way to shrink them. HOW LONG are willing to be a test bunny for every remedy that is out there. If there was a magic pill out there that worked, this website would not be here. You know what you feel every day or every month. Those other ladies don't.
How many Drs have you seen for your problem? How many alternative procedures have you done? Do you really believe in them? Why do you really think you feel like a failure? Do you think that loosing your uterus is a failure? Or do you look at getting a hyster as a way to fix your problems?
Talk w/your Dr about alternatives. When you feel like you have done what you could then maybe you feel more comfortable about getting a hyster. Try to look with in yourself to feel good about what you do with your body. We all take risks. The best thing I believe you can do is educate yourself and if you have a religion/belief system--use it.

Well, as a person who's not afraid to use a more holistic approach, I'd say it sounds like you've run the gamut. That stuff doesn't always work, just like medicine doesn't always work. You have to use what works for you! Whether it's one or the other or a combo of both. A year ago when my problems started and were misdiagnosed by various MD's for 10 months, I sought treatment from a very good chiropractor who I still adore, he ran hair sample tests, gave dietary advice, body adjustments, herbs and supplements. And truthfully it did offer some relief, the body adjustments, but it did not cure what I have. When I finally got dignosed and had that first surgery, then I knew I was on the right track with my new Gyn. I think after my hyster, I am going to go see the chiro. and get my spine back in alignment. I'm sure it's all wacked out from these new cysts and my uterus tipping.
Plus my neck got REALLY kinked up after the last surgery, the way they had it bent when I was out. I bet that will happen again. Anyway, just do what you need to do to feel better, and don't feel guilty!
puppet

Ah, Hon!! Your friends do not live with your pain, YOU do!!! You make the decision based on what you feel you need to do for YOURSELF! Did you know... you have the right to live pain free! Did you know... you have the right to a productive life without pain, stress, etc... that these medical issues are putting on you! Did you know.. you have the right to live without worries of what others think. Did you know... you have the right to make decisions for your own body! Did you know... you shouldn't judge yourself so harshly! LOL Did you know... you will feel better emotionally about yourself when you feel physically better. Did you know... The list goes on Hon!!
I sought counseling to deal with my issue's of feeling like I was failing myself and my family. I was failing my family due to my medical needs that I was not taking care of! I was unable to do the activities that I always had been able to do as I was constantly tired, in pain... etc... I was failing myself I thought by not being able to suck up the pain, deal with it, and still be superwoman. Having someone to chat at made me see that if I took care of myself, I would be better able to care for others in the way that I was used to. I am still working on that issue and have had to reschedule some of my appt's due to other family members needs... but I am NOT going to put it off much longer... early May and I will be on my way to feeling better physically and better emotionally!!! Honest.... you need to do what YOU feel is right for YOU!!! YOU are the only one that knows what YOU go through each day!!!
((((((((((((hugs and prayers!!!)))))))))
Linda

Hi Tayjamie,
I know exactly what it feels like to have bladder pain from fibroids. I always felt like I needed to use the restroom. I also had a fibroid cutting off the flow of urine from my right ureter, so I had no choice but to have my surgery.

I also had questions from my friends, rude comments from those I least expected and questioned myself because of their comments. I decided that I had to take charge and make my own decision. I had three doctors opinions and made sure my questions were answered. If you have any doubts at all, call your doctor and have a heart to heart conversation with him/her. Go into surgery educated. Make sure this surgery is what you need to have a healthy you. When all your questions are answered, your doctor is confident that surgery is important and you trust him/her, you will have peace of mind. Be the one in charge of your health care and don't allow others to make you feel like you haven't done enough. No matter what your decision, you are amoung here and we will support you!

Karlene

I have a slightly different twist. All of my friends are overjoyed that I finally made the decision to have a hyst. I wonder if I should hold out. Maybe I should be stronger. But, I have suffered through severe anemia from heavy bleeding, bouts of nonstop bleeding, have tried BCPs, been on Provera, Megace, Lupron, and Depot Provera. I had an unsuccessful ablation. I finally decided to have a hyst. But the doubt lingers. After bleeding for 30 days straight, I stopped and now I wonder, should I? I'm almost 49, maybe I'll reach menopause and this will end.

In reality, I have suffered enough. I have scheduled my life around my bleeding and it needs to stop. And I must stop doubting.

I am sorry you are not getting more support on this.. That is what we are here for. My situation is not like yours, but I did live in pain for at least 6 yrs. to the point I would go to the restroom up to 40 times a day and my prolapse for so severe it caused extreme discomfort with bowels and bladder function. I waited to long and since my surgery I feel like a new person.. much of my lower back pain is gone, I dont map my day around a restroom now more. I feel free to live life again.. Ultimitaly you have to do what is right for you. No one can say anything unless they live with it themselves. I also have a hidden disablility Fibromylagia and carpel tunnel syndrome.. Many days you wouldnt know I am in constant fatigue and tired to no end.. But I put on a good show most days. My plea to you is it doesnt matter what others think , you have to take care of you and the rest will fall into place. We only have one life. I finally chose to live it and so happy I did.. I hope you can find the support you need and please turn to us if you need it.. May god bless you and give you peace with this..
Loreine (((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))

Tayjamie, you don't owe it to anyone else to choose the medical treatments of their choice. And no one in the world has the right to judge you for your medical condition, or for the way you choose to deal with your condition.

It's your body and your discomfort. Only you can choose the right treatment for you. If friends want to offer support, brief suggestions, or help with chores you don't feel up to performing, they're being friends, and they deserve your thanks.

If they offer criticism or disapproval, who needs 'em? Change the subject, leave the room, or tell them that you are comfortable with your doctor's medical credentials and can't use any more medical advice at the moment.

It sounds as if you're tried alternative treatments, without success. Wouldn't your friends want you to receive treatment that works? Isn't that the bottom line? Ask them that question, and watch their jaws drop. If they really care about you, they'll agree that it's time to find treatment which will help you.

Good luck with your surgery, and with your friends.

Best wishes,
Helen

It is really inconsiderate of people to presume to know what you are going through. I applaude you for seeking a positive path - having a hysterectomy is only a small portion of your life - a significant one, certainly, but not a definition. Be stronger? Sure, that's important. Why, with current technology would anyone choose to fall victim, at random, to the extreme discomfort which many of us experience. I don't know a man, man enough for the job! I broke my back 4 years ago - I've been to 10 on the pain threshold and my hysterectomy is scheduled for 4/20. I will NOT live in pain - life is too short with too many unexpected turns - I plan to live each day to the fullest - my choices on resolution to my U problems are mine alone - I want to be there for the good times, not vomiting on the floor unable to be out of the bathroom. I have kids to raise and oceans to sail - I can't wait till 4/20 and I won't consider for an instant someone daring to tell me what to do. May the wind be at your back, the sun, shining on your face, and the love of God present in your life. Bless you and stay strong - YOU are a winner!!! Love, Anne