anyones husband not understanding?????

Hey, i was just wondering if anyone elses husband is not very understanding? Mine was in the beginning, but now he thinks all is well and i shouldn't be hurting anymore. I'm only a month post op and just started having bad pains again, and he thinks nothing is wrong and i should go back to work. Just wondering if i'm the only one going through this? Thanks for any comments, i'm feeling kind of alone.

Hello Misty
My husband behaved in exactly the same way, but he seemed to think I should be doing things from the first day I was home from the hospital.........

I printed off two pages of do's and dont's off the internet and left it in the kitchen for him to read. I am not sure how much sunk in, but so far if he does not hoover the house, then I just ignore the mess

Take care

Bev

Misty,
It is so hard to feel alone and in pain. I had more pain the 4 and 5th week than the first 2. I think that all my nerves were getting their firing going again and some were misfiring big time. I think also many people see you looking better so they wonder why you are not feeling better.
You are not the only one going through this. There are many threads with many people upset because mothers, daughters, friends, coworkers don't understand and expect the healing process to be done.
Is your dr a good dr? Would it be beneficial for your husband to take you to your 6 week post op appt.? Can you call your dr or the nurse and explain what is going on so you can make an appointment with your husband and they can explain to you your limits and he hears them?
Do you have the aftercare literature from your dr or the hospital that he can read? Or is that not a god idea? Is there a neutral party that he would listen to?
I hope he can hear what you need him to hear. Have you gone to a neutral place for coffe and tried to discuss it so both your emotions are not in the way? I find that going out for coffe is the best place to discuss hot issues with my boyfriend because we have ground rules, no blaming, I statements and by giving it a day or two we can be more receptive to the other persons needs.
Please do not do anything that would hurt yourself and hinder your healing. I know this must be very frustrating and you must feel hurt. It has been hard on both of you.
Marg

Yeah,

I hear ya. My dh has been supportive, but I'm only 8 days past surgery here and it seems he's expecting more. I overdid it today, now I'm paying for it. I mean, he's not demanding, just seems like, can't you do it? I even thought I was doing well today until I figured out that I did too much and really need to keep taking it easy. Guess all we can do is take it easy no matter what anyone says, we know our own bodies!!

Wendy

I think my DH thought I would be released at 2 week appt. today, but I told him if I do too much it will really delay my recovery and showed him the do's and don't on the website. He's been really great because we live on 6 acres and have horses(which are alot of work) and he's doing everything around here. I really don't know how the sisters with young children can handle this. I feel for all of you and wish you the best.

No matter what, this is *your* time. Do whatever it takes to let your body heal. Not everyone can relate to this surgery. If they have not walked in your shoes, they are completely clueless! I agree...if you are up and look as though you are fine, then people think you are "back to normal"...no way! Your body will continue to heal for 6 mo. to a year.

Continue to pamper yourself! You have lots of healing to do, and this takes time!

My mom stayed with us for 3 1/2 weeks after my surgery. After I got the green light to drive (2 weeks post op) she went to visit my brothers and was gone for 5 days. I was evil and put the fear into my DH and DS. I did a strategic cut and paste of the dos & don'ts, and repercussions of over doing it and not taking care of myself. It ended up 4 pages long. As soon as it was printed, I gave it to both of them along with the comment of "I want you to realize what could happen to me if I over do it and that I am not making any of this stuff up." It worked. DH even got BIL sucked into the mind set of 'Cathy can't do anything.' That day we went to a church festival and DH made sure that we sat down every 30 minutes or so for 15 minutes, made sure that I didn't carry any of our purchases and I even got him to go grocery shopping with me - a major miracle. The sweeping and vacuuming isn't getting done as often as I like, but it is getting done. I haven't had to do laundry since 7/17 and it will probably be another 3 weeks before that chore is returned to me. I made the mistake of doing 2 loads of sheets and hanging them out to dry on Tuesday. I was reprimanded like a 5 year old by DH and a friend (gotta love em). My bad. But I would rather get my hand slapped than do any serious damage to myself. I proudly showed him my swelly belly as a result of doing too much.

Hi Misty, You are not alone! We are all here for you.

Your husband certainly is not understanding and from what I have read 4 weeks can be very uncomfortable and painful since you still have stiches that are heeling inside of you. I am just over three weeks and the past couple of days I have not been feeling all that well. My belly keeps swelling, it hurts to go to the bathroom, I have pain in my abdomen and my back is killing me. All normal things.

Your husband needs a reality check. Just remember you are married because you want to be partners it does not make him your boss. You know your body and when you can and can't do things. Maybe you can have him look at the for husbands section of this site. Or have him go to your doctor with you, have you been cleared to go to work by him?

It really gets me that these men seem to know all about the womens body. If my DH tried to tell me that all should be fine I would ask him when he had time to go to medical school and get his license to practice medicine.

Julie

Lets face it - husbands take their wives for granted. I learned a long time ago to stand my ground and that's just exactly what I did following my surgery. No matter what, only do what you feel like you can do. As far as the discouragement his unreasonable expectations cause, you have your sisters here to vent to. Only we can really understand.

I am afraid of how things are going to be post op. I have help at the house for the first 3 weeks and then it is just me and my DD 3 year old. I had 3 c-sections and I recovered fairly well with those and I am hoping that is a good indicatior of how I will do with the TAH. Realisticialy (sp), how long do you really need someone there to help out? Especially with an active 3 year old?