Today I recieced a phone call from the hospital to make my pre-op appt. Seems like nothing but it has made this real for me now. Now I am getting scared
. My surgery is June 12. It seems so far away and too close at the same time.
I have started to have a really big fear that when they go in they might change there minds and not do the surgery. I know this sounds stupid but let me explain:
In 1997 was my last surgery Laparoscopy plus laser for endo. A while ago I asked the secretary if it was written at what stage of endo did I have. All she told me was written "mild endo with adhesion on the left side". The next time I saw my doctor she said I had "significant disease". I don't understand what that means? I am so confused
, to me mild means next to nothing but significant means something.
The last time I saw the doctor was when she said that they were willing to do a hyster and that was the only way I would have no pain. But they have not ordered a ultrasound or anything. This is now 2002 and I know I have pain and that "relations" is next to nothing due to pain everytime and PAP tests will send me almost through the roof. But what if when they go in maybe its not as bad as they think it is from just my decriptions. What if my descpitions of the pain does not worthy this surgery?
I don't know, can they decide not to do it when they go in? Am I just over reacting or freaking out? I have to let you know that I haven't felt comfortable to ask my doctor these questions because she knows that I am just finished my nursing course (today) and I am too embarrassed
.
Thanks for listening
Kerri