3 days post op and feeling sorry for myself

I suppose it's normal but I just feel like crap. And, it appears it will all be on me to mend with little to no help. Not surprised, but sad nonetheless.

Today, my mom left from being here while I was in the hospital. DD had to drive her to the airport (she is in for the weekend from college to "help"...aka see her boyfriend). So, she reluctantly takes the little boys with her ( my youngest are 4 and 6) as she would rather go visit old highschool teachers. So, here it is, quiet, which I was thankful for, but all alone. I had to clean the tub out (it was spotless before surgery but DH had the kids take a bubble bath with God knows what that left quite a mess) so I could take a bath and then get my own lunch. I managed ok, but was tired. DH finally calls home to check on me at 4:52PM. Nice, huh? Fortunately, DS was home from highschool and got me a diet Coke. I feel so bloated, nauseated and in pain yet noone seems to care. DH had fast food with DS and DD took the little ones to a movie and then dinner. So, once again, I was on my own for food. I found some cereal in the kitchen and had that for dinner and noone even seemed to notice that I had to fix my own dinner. I didn't expect a lot but geeze, I am only 1 day home from the castle. To top it off, DH says, "Gee I really hope we get some sleep tonight. I am exhausted. I didn't sleep at all last night"> I have a horrible sciatica pain from surgery and all I wanted was a little back rub, but he had already fallen asleep. I was in the living room dealing with my DD (aka the drama queen) having a meltdown about not feeling wanted. Honestly, it makes me want to crawl bak to the hospital and stay there. It doesn't help that I have a pounding headache and was supposed to go to the doctor today to get it checked but noone was around to take me, nor did anyone seem to care that I wasn't getting that done.

I know this post is whiney and martyr-like. I'm so sorry to whine. I just want to cry. How in the heck am I supposed to take a few weeks off when I can't seem to get some help for a day? I asked the family to go get a Christmas tree and they all balked at that. So, the heck with them. I don't care if I have one at all. Screw it. Thanks for letting me vent. I just don't think they understand. Now if I could only get some relief for this bloating and have that first BM.
Tricia

I was so sad to read your post. I can't imagine being just home from the hospital and not being supported on all sides. How awful for you. They didn't even think to include you for dinner??? I'm so sorry. Just try and concentrate on getting better and stronger, even if no one is helping you. You must feel awfully alone at this time. My thoughts are with you. Hopefully the next time you write things will be more positive for you. Many hugs.

I feel terrible for you. I want to say quit doing anything (especially the tub) but I know how hard it is to let things go. DH needs to set the example for the others. Sometimes a little drama helps everyone see the error of their ways. Would a meltdown get their attention? You need to rest or you ( and they) will pay for it later. Good luck and much sympathy.

Housework has to be left- dirt doesn't matter- honestly. It can all be cleaned later. I think the only person who noticed in my house was me, so try to ignore it all. Doesn't matter if the washing builds up a bit at all. it'll get done in the end. Get some microwave meals in so all you have to do is press the button.

I'm so sorry, Tricia. Hope you find that today is a better day.

Hugs to you,
I am one day ahead of you is all...from what I read, DH thinks he IS helping you by taking the family out to eat, he just forgot to feed YOU, or maybe he just thought you could get a little something, yes microwave meals are handy for emergencies. I also think DD thinks she is helping by being there, and you would want that right?

So far I am doing pretty good i guess, watching what I do, and there is a SD, 13, SS 17 and DS 14, still in the house. You know what, they can fend for themselves, and that is that. I do leave instructions on what they can fix, I have been a pretty good teacher, they know how to cook, clean, all that, its just getting them to do it! Course right now when I need it done, it isn't happening unless DH instructs them to.

I have a DD with a baby 400 miles away, nope she is not here, I have a DS working on the pipeline trying to make a living, he isn't here, but they call and check on me, so I know that is good, they at least care. Mom and Dad are on their way to visit brother, who is in jail, not in the general population mind you, but in a counseling area for drug rehabiliation. 2 hours away, I am the same distance, they were there when I came out of recovery. But I have always took care of my three babies, and now this, I guess pretty much by myself. DH is not a nurse, but he will do what he can, and I don't want him to think I am helpless, I am not. What so far I do, is save up some chores I want him to do, instead of everytime I see him, ask something. I want some hugging time also with him. So far this works, but then I am just into this.... hope this helps some?
Hugs!

Tricializ,
OK...now if you want to heal properly, you will NOT clean the tub, vacuume, move furniture or anything else that requires any amount of physical strength. Let it go!!! You might want to check with your Dr. too about the tub bath thingy...my Dr. told me that I could not have a bath for at least 6 weeks...showers are ok though. Also, I was told to stay away from soda, cola anything carbonated, as that causes more gas and bloating. These are just a couple things you might want to ask your Dr. about. And ya know...maybe a meltdown is just what is needed. Maybe then your family will sit up and realize that you have just had MAJOR SURGERY and you need rest and to be cared for.

Heal Well!

Oh Tricializ how can they be like this it is awfull. You have had major surgery. I think you need to throw a hissy fit at the lot of them. Can you call in home help services? They have them in the UK for help with housework and meals? If not ignore the housework and the washing let them go around dirty serves them right. Please at least get some microwave meals for you, Is there anyone you know who could give them a right ear bashing even over the phone. Please take care BIG to you.

Moody Mare

aww tricia, I am so sorry you're not getting the support you so need. That really is the pits. It's normal to feel sad after surgery and overwhelmed. In the beginning you feel worthless and like you will never be you again, but I am here to say yes you will do things again and be back to normal in time. It takes lots of patience and just time.

You will get through this. I promise. Sadly it's at these times we really see who are true friends are and familie's reactions huh? After my surgery, I found that a friend of mine who I thought would be there never even came to see me...isn't that something? Yet, I cooked for her and offered to take her for groceries after her H...but when I was down I only got 1 phone call in 10 weeks and NOTHING else...I am deeply hurt. So I understand you being hurt over your family. I hope it gets better.

Hang in there. It will physically get better for you in time. May God give you comfort and peace in your heart.

You ladies are absolutely the best. It was so nice to get up and read your kind and thoughtful messages. As for the tub baths, I am allowed (thank goodness). The only reason I cleaned the tub was because I wanted to take a bath more than about anything in the world. And trust me, whatever bubblebath residue was in the tub was disgusting! I had asked DH and DD to wipe it down for me but I think they forgot. Anyway, I do think in a weird way they believe they are helping. They are so used to me doing everything that they are practically paralyzed when I don't do it. I think making lists for them is the key. Then there aren't expectations I have that they don't know I have and they know exactly what I expect. The less emotion the better I think. As for me today, it is almost 11:30 and I still am not out of bed yet. Of course, you might think that someone would bring me breakfast, but that isn't going to happen as I think they think I am sleeping. I am going to have a bowl of raisin bran and go back to bed making my lists. LOL I do feel a bit better emotionally today and have a plan as to how to get the help I need. If they don't follow the lists, then I will call in some help and just pay for it. What else can you do? I really appreciate you all reading my pity party for myself. I felt at an all-time low last night and to have this support from all of you means a lot. Today is a great football day....Go Navy...Beat Army (my DD is at the Naval Academy) and Goooooo Huskers, beat Oklahoma!!! So, at least I will be preoccupied. Thanks again and happy healing to all.
Tricia
P.S. As for the diet coke, I am trying not to have too much. It is a bad addiction. My doctor even told me to have some as she knows how much I "need" it. I am just trying to not have 6-8/day and have 1-2 instead. LOL
I chase it with phazyme and colace.