what is wrong w/ me??(children mentioned)

ok here goes ya no ya want to feel better and you need this surgery and everyone says never fear it will all work out but i still want them to shutup-I am just 30 have endo-adeno-&pcos I dont have periods often but when i do i wish i was dead-they are horrible-I have 2 beautiful children by the grace of God and really dont want anymore -but even hearing all this and knowing everything I am going threw and have been for yrs I still am very emotionally bothered by this surgery-it is eating away at me and as it gets closer I think i will faint from the panic-WHY?? this should be a great relief and yet i feel like someone or something inside me is dying-Bottom line-i no i need it and want it but my heart is breaking-what is wrong with me?

It is normal. I cried for a long time and the thought of it made me so sad. I too have been blessed to be able to carry full term twice (lots of complications) and they are 15 and 13. More kids??? I'd love to being that I am in a fairly new relationship. But I had to think of what was important for me.
I was suffering constantly and in so much pain. But as the days went by and got closer to my date... I think I had the worse cycle ever, it lasted 28 days. That was an eye opener. As if my body knew that I was in doubt and before I changed my mind, reminded me why I was having it done.
I was afraid that everyone would know, that my DH would feel different about me, etc. I was feeling empty.
No one can tell you how you need to feel. Only you can make that decision.
From my experience... let me tell you, I am no less of a woman today than I was 11 days ago, but I sure have a different view on life. I have a chance to enjoy it and enjoy those around me. Before I was raining on everyones parade due to my condition. Now I know I get to start all over again, I as you I felt that I was dying inside. I am alive and eager to get this recovery over to start my days with energy.
As doubtful as I was... I see that there was light at the end of the tunel. Hang in there, if you know that this is to get you back to a healthy woman... it might be the best thing.
We are all in this for the same reason, a second chance to better the quality of our lives.
Today, I have not regrets. I am on a road to recovery and eager to take off!!!
When I think... no more pads, welcome Victoria secrets undies... I can't wait!!! No more pain, and welcome back energy. But that is me... hope this helps. I have left over tissues from my "what should I do" days... want to borrow???

I would also suggest that you talk to your Doctor about these feelings. I know it helped me, he understood my concerns and gave me options. And that is how I saw the positive in all this.
Take care, will pray for you,

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, you just sound human.

We all cycle through intense emotions as the day looms closer, it is part of the process.

I alternate betweeen numbness, panic, denial, relief and disbelief.

Try and tell yourself:

"My fear will not defeat me."

You are not alone. (((HUGS)))

I will turn 33 on December 11 along with my beautiful daughter turning 9 the same day! My little boy is 4. My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful children also. I do feel too young to have this all done, but I am at the point in my life that I am miserable, and it affects my whole family! My husband has been so supportive of me! I know that God will take care of us. I can't quite thinking about this surgery. I am a worrier. I know it just makes things worst on me! I feel that we will just get worse if we don't go ahead now and have this surgery done! We are both young and we need to enjoy our children while they are little. For a year now things have gotten worse. I feel like I am ancient. I want to feel young again and enjoy live to the fullest. We just have to put it in god's hands and I know he will take care of us! I have seen too many miracles within my family. My prayers and thoughts are with you! May God be with you during this difficult time!

Believe it or not I know how you feel! I'm 47 and DH had a vascectomy 19 years ago. I've known all this time that I didn't want any more children, but have known all along that I could. I just found myself feeling so sad over the fact that after this happens I won't be able to have any! I laugh at myself thinking I'm being silly, since DH and I made the joint decision all those years ago to not have any more, but I still find myself being sad. I pray a lot and it helps a little.

Terri

thankyou all for reminding me its ok to be a little crazy I feel better and your prayers are such a comfort-its great to no im not alone-Bless you all!!!!

Ginnly
Just know that we all have days like you are having. I think about my up coming surgery all day long. I will turn 44 the week before my surgery. I too was blessed with 2 wonderful children. It took awhile with 2 mc in between. Maybe when my surgery date gets here I will feel like I am loosing something. But right now I just feel like I am gaining my life back. I do not have the bleeding problems that so many of the sisters do. I just have everything falling out. I am tired all the time and get very uncormfortable when I walk a lot. Try to see the good and put it in Gods hands. Maybe when you go to bed tonight have a little talk with God. Tell him your fear and let him calm you. Take it one day at a time.

I'm looking at this as a new beginning. I have a beautiful 3yo DD and a wonderful DH. I have had the heavy bleeding since I started at age 11 until I had ablation last March. Pain is so severe now I have no other choice. But this is the choice I wanted three years ago.

My patience with this running my life is wearing thin, as is my DH's and my DP's (dear parents) Both my grandmothers had a hyter. before they were 30 so I guess you could say I'm sticking with tradition.

I used to be very active and full of life, but as one post above put it, I feel ancient, and bring everyone around me down. I'm tired of planning my life around if I feel well or not. I've wanted to go out west on a cattle drive for years but never could, now when this is done, my mother and I are going to make plans to go in a few years when DD is old enough to stay home with her DD and DGD.

Lots of luck to everyone, think positive thoughts and about having the chains removed.

Your thread sounds like how I felt the week prior to going to the castle It is perfectly normal, we associate this with who we are as mothers, women, wives. But really, it has nothing to do with any of these things. We are mothers because we are raising children, whether they are adopted or produced in our own womb. We are women with or without our uterus. And we are wives because of our DH.

I too knew for over 5 years that I was done with childbearing days. I was blessed with giving birth 2 different times and made a decision to have my tubes tied 2 years ago, even though my DH had a vasetomy already - I was done. But, I was looking at pregnant women and wanting to experience it again the week prior to surgery - it is weird, but now 3 weeks post-op, I don't feel any of those issues. I feel very much like a mother when my kids are screaming and arguing like usual. I feel like a very sexy woman/wife, when my DH looks into my eyes and tells me how proud he is of me and how I have done with recovery. We have even talked "naughty" to each other some.

You will feel better as time goes on, but remember you are not alone.

See you on the other side in the post-op site.