I feel Like I'm losing my mind!!!

Still waiting on a surgery date, three years in the making. I'm told in less than a month I'll have it, which is exciting yet all of these stupid horrible things keep happening
My Papa (grandpa) passed away a few weeks ago, he raised me and it was completely horrible for me and I'm still struggling with that.
My pain has escalated so much that I'm now in wheelchair and have to rely on DH and my friends to get me around at school among other places. I feel like the biggest burden on everyone and they keep reminding me of it as well. I know they're joking around and they would do anything for me but gosh does it hurt when that's what I hear all day long. Then DH REALLY has been making me feel like a burden and I hate being dependent on other people.
AND I found out the other day that DH has been taking my pain meds! how in the heck am I supposed to trust and rely on someone who betrays me like that. the whole time I had been asking and questioning and he denied it, i thought I was going crazy...
Then I work at a doctors office, but from home (amazing technology these days), and majority of our patients don't want to talk to me anymore! We have a newer gal who is in the office all the time and they constantly request her, I understand that not a huge deal. Yet I ask what it's regarding and they refuse to even let me schedule their appointment, like I'm some incompetent woman!
I know it really does sound silly but it's all just too much for me to handle and I feel useless anymore, is this what a breakdown is called? Sheesh

Wow - your plate is not just full, it's overflowing on all sides.

I think the only way to get through dark periods is one step forward at a time. You can't possible tackle all of those situations at the same time, so pick one and start taking small steps.

As someone who has also been in constant pain for months on end, I suggest that's what you tackle first. You may find, after you walk through all the steps between here and healing after your successful hyster procedure, that everything else becomes more managable when severe pain isn't your constant companion 24/7.

I'll pray for you.

Thank you so much, I've always been a strong person and I've been through SO many things, suicide of my boylfriend, guns held to my head and shot at, and even more personal things and throughout all of that I was STRONG and I never ever ever got like this. It's so frustrating!! Your kind words really do help me, thank you for reaching out to me <3

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you're going through such a difficult time. Take it one step at a time, & remember, you only have control over yourself, not anyone else . . .

Thank you, wouldn't it be nice if sometimes we could control certain actions of others? But yes one step at time, I'll remind myself of that

OK, that is a bit scary about DH...how on earth did he explain it? I am so sorry about your grandfather--that is such a loss, especially on top of your health issues. Thinking positive thoughts for you!

Dee

I am so sorry you are having to wait so long for your surgery. I have been waiting for a couple of months to get to where I am at now with my GYN, but it feels like it has been years. This test and that test and waiting in between it all. I feel like I am going crazy too. Not to mention how much all of my problems have affected my family as well. I totally know what you are going through with your DH. My DH has done this several times in the past. One time I was on a cough medicine with codeine to help suppress the coughing bouts I had and he mixed a regular cough med with mine. I guess he thought I was stupid or something. HELLO! Before he tampered with my med it was yellow in color and had a certain taste. Then after he took some of mine (not sure how much) it all of a sudden was now a redish color and had a terrible taste. He has told me in the past that he likes a "drugged" feeling and it really bothers me. After my 2nd child was born (C-Section route) I was put on pain meds. And because I knew how he was, I hid my medicine. Then, our first child had his tonsils and adenoids taken out and he was put on liquid hydrocodone/apap. And when he stopped needing it I knew what level it was at. I even put a small mark where it was and slowly I have seen it go down. So I hid it as well just in case my son needs it in the future. A couple of weeks ago I was put on flexeril for awful cramping and pain in my female area, and I have to keep it hidden too. It is terrible when you can't trust someone that you love and are supposed to be with for the rest of your life. Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with work! I hope you get to have your surgery soon! I will be thinking of you and praying for you!!