This isn't a competition!!

I have a gf that had her hyst 2 yrs ago and another gf that had one 4 days before mine. Every single time I talk to either of them it's "well I did this" and "i was doing that by the 2nd week" blah blah blah...

First of all, I don't want to talk about this EVERY time we talk! We are strong, intelligent, interesting women. Surely we can find something else to talk about. ( And besides, I have Hyster Sisters for that and yall are more fun anyway )

But the worst of it is no matter what it's about, i.e.: walkin, peein, poopin, pain meds, you get the picture... it's a constant competition to see who was either worse off or better. If one of them says they had a hard time with something the other one tries to out-do by saying it was even harder for her. Then it'll be "well I was able walk 1/2 mile after 4 days." so the other gf of course was walkin a full mile by day 3!

Isn't there some way to get them to just shut up? They both stopped by last night and I finally fibbed and told them how tired I was just so they would leave. Which I hated because it was nice to have the company for a little while. ( Plus they both had a comment about why I was still getting so tired by now ) Anyway, you gals get the idea. So the next time it's brought up how do I tell them to *stuff it* and move on to another topic without hurting their feelings?

Dear Cassidy,
I know its difficultto be in your position. I'm sure your friends don't realize they're alienating you with their 'one-upsmanship'. They probably feel that by telling you the accomplishments and hurdles they've crossed will ENCOURAGE you. Obviously, this is not the case. The best approach would be to tell them you'd like to discuss anything BUT surgery and post-op course. This should redirect the conversation elsewhere.

Cassidy,
I have 8 sister's and I can relate to the one upmanship! I call it the race to be right and it can get tired fast. Maybe you can have them over for stricly a girls night, silly talk only, no surgery talk, do your nails and then maybe your natural flow of conversation will creep back in and no one will be the wiser. Sometimes with my sisters certain topics are banned by one or the other of us and we end up having a great time. Not so much when we are one on one but when we are all together it is hard to get a word in at all. They sound like good friens and important to you. I think they will get the hint. I hope you recover well. Marg

Not gonna happen sisters!!

As long as everybody has post surgery goals, THAT will be THE topic of conversation no matter how many subways get bombed and no matter how many hurricanes come ashore. BUT, as soon as everyone is through healing, your topics of conversation should change. If they don't, THEN say something. Until then, aren't you feeling kinda tired and need a nap? Hugs

CNC;

I am kind of envious of you having friends who have gone through this. I have been taking care of my husband for three years and in those three years have lost all my friends...I am totally housebound and don't get out unless it is to go to the doctors office or the grocery store.... I have no one to call and talk to about anything... would be kind of nice to have a live friend rather than all the cyber ones I have.... Mind you I love all my cyber friends; they tend to keep me some what sane... But a live person is something I can't have... My husband and his medical problems take up too much of my life....

I would think if you were just honest with them and told them the truth about how you feel they would really understand and who knows they may not even realize they are doing it...

Ces.

Ces,
Are there any respite care workers , volunteers in your area to releive you a couple of hours a week so you can get out? Take care of yourself,
Marg

Ouch. Well, I think I got the moral of that one. Although what they're doin is irritating the living ____ out of me, I should be grateful that I have them. And thinking about it, they were nice enough to stop by and bring me Reese's peanutbutter cups ( I would live off of those if DH would let me ). I must say, Ces., you really put it into perspective, thanks! ( But they could call first next time )

As for respite care no I don't get any....

CNC unfortunately what has happened to us with out friends happens alot more than people realize... It is common for head injury patients (whether be stroke or accident) to have friends and family gather during the emergency but after the emergency is over they cant understand the changes in the person and they tend to drift off..... even his family doesnt call or come out to see him.... It is sad but the truth...

Ces.

Ces,
My dbf was injured in Afghanistan twice and the last time it did a number on him. He is very angry and some of his family and friends don't get it. I have found a group at the VA to be very supportive. Do they have a group for head injuries nearby? I guess I am wishing there is some way for you to just get out of your house even if it is to buy a cup of coffee and enjoy the weather......maybe you would meet new people who would understand...

I do belong to a group locally but I never am able to get out of the house to attend meetings and such... No one to stay with hubby.... They did get me some help right after surgery someone to come in and take care of his needs... but that was only for a week....

I took my vows of marriage over 16 years ago and ment every word of them. I am not complaining about our situation. I love my husband dearly even though a big portion of him has changed I would not change our life one bit....I have learned to adjust to life as it is now. It does get lonely at times but then I get on the puter and find my cyber friends and I find strength in them for there is always someone who has it worse than I do.

Cleo I hope you are able to continue with your DBF, it is comforting to him to know your still with him.. but please remember by no means is there any one who would fault you if you didn't, if you decided it is more than you can handle... It isn't an easy life, take it from one who knows....

Ces.