9 Days until Partial Hysterectomy

I am just so glad that this month has been just cruising right along however- it seems as though these last few days have been doing nothing better than just dragging like crazy.

Next Thursday- the 28th- I finally get in for the Partial Hysterectomy. During my Pre-Op appointment last Tuesday- the 12th- I was re-assured that only my Uterus will be removed (Vaginally) and that my Ovaries and cervix will remain.

Good start from my own point of view- but only minimally comforting at this point. The AUB has decided to run a-muck on me recently- attempting to go from light and red- to slightly heavier- small clotting and darker red which in turn reverts me back to the fact that I should have had the hysterectomy at the very beginning instead of taking my Huband's really bad advice in regards to having Depo therapy for a year which in no way shape nor form helped my situation at all.

A little too late now- to regret not so great decisions I'm sure- but it's all beginning to really catch up with me with every extremely slow day that comes and goes and suffice it to say too- trying to suppress creeping anxiety hasn't been easy at all and for reasoning that I'm just not great at it- but then again- who is.

Either way- I hope this week goes by fast and same with Monday through Wednesday next week. The sooner this gets done- I know I will feel sooooo much better and the easier it will be to get my life back finally too. Once I'm fully recovered- My life is Mine sayeth me and out the front door by myself as much as possible- I will be.

Until then- Ugh.

The end of the month is getting closer. It will be here before you know it. Keep yourself busy, and that will help the time go by faster.

Trust me when I say that I have been trying like a mad hatter to stay busy as can be but it seems like I'm running out of things to do or things to find to divert my attention for just a really short lived moment.

Next Thursday is just right around the corner and not only am I wishing that it would just come right up on me- but- I'm about ready to go Koo Koo too.

I've been given way too much time to contemplate how quickly I will be able to get in after they call me with the time- how I will be confined to the hospital over night and then getting home the next day and trying to get recovery on with out being stressed to the max while home.

Household craziness is more than describably predictable- but when one will finally get into the OR and get fixed so to speak- especially out here- is more than enough to get on one's nerves rather quickly.

Suffering for a lengthy stretch is annoying enough- but having to suffer anywhere between 2 and 5 hours longer after admission is worse.

And to top it all off: Just the other day my schoop hit an even lower peak. My sister in law sent our little family this nice little card with an announcement pertaining to the due date of her and my brother in law's 4th child coming in August.

Thanks to my mother in law and her love of transmitting everyone's health conditions and more to the WHOLE family before my husband's grandmother passed away at the end of January- This whole "Announce such a great thing as not being at a loss to the world at the worst time in someone else's life " thing- just reeeeeaaaaalllly disturbs me and only because I know that a few years from now- my husband's grandchild competitive mother- will be just reveling on about how happy she is for everyone else and just how disappointing I am as a daughter in law who could only have 2 kids and no more.

I am just so not in the mood to have things rubbed so far in my face by family members right now and mainly because I've had so many reproductive problems over the last 13 years as it is and suffice it to say- even though my 5 year old son- the youngest of 2- may be my last- is also the last reproductive miracle I will ever see after next week.

I went through a lot when I was pregnant with him and even more after I had him and even though I said that I would never go through suffrage again beyond that- I guess God sees it the same way- or I wouldn't be enduring everything I've been through in the last 13 months already.

I am just not having any better a time with this and despite looking at the up and coming end of constant suffrage really soon- I can only just imagine how things are going to be after I get back home.

Just schmooped beyond a breaking point and also still exhausted.

Jade_Dove -

I am sorry you are having mother-in-law issues. It is sad that she cannot be more sensitive to your situation. You have two beautiful children, and if that is not enough for her than that is her problem, not yours. We don't always control the reproductive side of our bodies. She should know that.

You have much to deal with emotionally and physically with this surgery. It is difficult enough to handle this without all of these family issues swirling around you.

Maybe instead of busy you can watch some favorite movies. Maybe DH and you go out and treat yourselves. Have a nice outing as a family.

in there. We know how hard this is...

:hugs2u:

I understand what it's like waiting too. Mine is scheduled for March 13th. I've had a period all month in Feb except 6 days. Cramping and I feel like a demon has possessed me. I am in such a sour mood. So moody. MILs can be crabby too, as it seems they always show their ugly side when not needed.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Springcamp I understand what it's like waiting too. Mine is scheduled for March 13th. I've had a period all month in Feb except 6 days. Cramping and I feel like a demon has possessed me. I am in such a sour mood. So moody. MILs can be crabby too, as it seems they always show their ugly side when not needed.

Spring- I know exactly how you feel Hunny.

When AUB started for me 13 months ago- my periods went backwards. Blood for 28 days- remission for 6 days and right back to blood for 28 days again.

After I got the first depo-provera shot- I had 2 weeks of remission and then never ending bleeding.

My flow went over the top. Light and pink for a week- light and red for a week- it's own version of heavy for a week then went back to light and red for a week and then back to light and pink for a week.

Never ending blood and as God as my witness- I've grown overwhelmingly fatigued with doing nothing but bleeding forever and a day. I just soooooo want these next 6 days to go by as fast as can be sos' I can get rid of my defective uterus.

I'm tired of having to change necessities a zillion times a day every day and I am also sick of having to wear certain types of undergarments for the overly messy heavy flows. Just so irritating and every now and then really annoys my bottom half to no end.

Oye Vey!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by marestail Jade_Dove - I am sorry you are having mother-in-law issues. It is sad that she cannot be more sensitive to your situation. You have two beautiful children, and if that is not enough for her than that is her problem, not yours. We don't always control the reproductive side of our bodies. She should know that.

Mare-

In light of familial opinion not meaning much if anything- you would be right- but it's kind of hard to think or feel on an upward swing when I've already gotten 1 really unsavory comment from my mother in law right about 6 years ago.

In September of 2002- I had surgery for a ruptured fallopian tube- ectopic pregnancy and a severe case of internal bleeding from both. I also had problems with my abdominal incision not healing from the inside too.

It took me a year to recover and after that- I tried to get back into the saddle again- so to speak. I tried and tried and tried and tried in hopes of maybe seeing a little better luck. Well- I conceived but- it turned into a miscarriage and I didn't even know it until I went to the ER with some really bad cramping and a bit of sickness.

I was told after they did an ultrasound and labs that I WAS pregnant but that it wasn't there. Disappointing factor #1.

I spent two almost 3 years trying to conceive after that hoping every day that sooner or later there would be another baby in the family but as time went on- I kept having periods and never getting pregnant.

I learned a pretty big lesson about how sometimes it's just better to give up- keep sight of the future and accept the fact that some things just aren't meant to be- well- after my husband- my now 12 year old son (going on 13 next month) and I- all had a shift in life and transferred to another state- my parents-in-law came to visit.

They were in town all of a week or so but there is 1 day that still rings very clear in my head even to this day:

My husband's folks and I were sitting in my living room and we were all talking and somewhere along the line the conversation about kids and grand-kids came into play and no sooner had my mother-in-law mentioned that someone in the family was prego- she looked at me and said:

" So when can we expect another little person out of you? "

I just looked at her and told her that since I had the ectopic and miscarriage and several other reproductive problems that I had long since given up and that I was looking towards supporting my son's future. If it wasn't going to happen for me- then so be it- It was God's will at the time and there were other things that he wanted me to do.

Suffice it to say- my mother in law wasn't very happy with that and she turned right to my father in law and said: " Well- at least we have the other kids to rely on when it comes to having more grandchildren. "

And that very statement has ingrained in stone in my head ever since. I know in my heart of hearts that I am far better than just being black-sheeped- it was bad enough that I went through that with my parents when I was young- but just as I over-came my child-hood- I've found it to be just a little bit harder as an adult to have defected ideals running through me that I have no control over and never did.

Suffice it to say- My 5 year old is a miracle but he is also the last miracle I will ever see.

I love my two boys very much and I've learned that their futures are so very important and even though I came out a bit tough every time I was approached by people I knew- hadn't seen in however long or hadn't really met until my Grandmother In Law's wake and funeral- A) The attention wasn't meant to be set upon me any time people could catch me floating around and B) I wasn't there to outshine my Grandmother In Law during her peaceful sleep in her final place of rest- I was there for her.

I just really hate it when people in our family just go and blather everything like it's "Reuters" "Huffington Post" or "News Week" and the only thing I really dislike with a passion too is just how judgmental and competitive they can be as well.

Ya know- if they only knew first hand- through experience- just how badly people suffer with reproductive ideals- then maybe- just maybe they'd understand- but as it is- such isn't going to happen any time soon- not for them at least and to be honest- it makes me sad that there is just so little to almost no sympathy- it's all happy go lucky- throw the defective off the proverbial ship and just keep right on sailing the ever so dark seas.

GAWD!

Oh, Jade -

I am really sorry. Your MIL and other in-laws sound like real infantile, problematic morons. It really makes me angry when the in-laws treat the wife in that manner. There is no reason for that at all. Your MIL also sounds like she rules the roost in her family, and is one of those types that is never pleased and gets great pleasure out of denigrating people. What she said to you six years ago was terrible and unconscionable. That would forever stick in my mind too. To ignore your medical situation, your ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, is really cold and .. just out of adjectives to describe that!

I know that I cannot fully comprehend all of what you deal with with your MIL. It sounds like such a terrible situation.

Do know that you have much support on this web site for all that you are going through. While we cannot fully make up for a terrible in-laws, or your other family issues, we are still here. We are a safe place for you to come and talk.

Sending you a big

Thank You Mare and it means a lot to me to have good people in life who share compassionate hearts and thoughts.

I had never a day in my life thought that some people in the world could be the way that they are- but if it's one thing that I understand- it's that said people like to ingrain that life is more complicated than what it's really supposed to be.

There are so many unruly rules and regulations to living and surviving that it's at the virtual edge of being redundant. I've just never really saw life and living as complicated and for reasoning that my individual sense of spiritual ideal more than tells me that the biblical scriptures that state: " Love thy neighbor as thou wouldst love thy self " and "Do on to others as thou wouldst have done unto thee " mean more than that in which the rest of humanity has managed to overly re-translate them just to serve purpose.

Suffice it to say- I've been in the same pairs of shoes as others over time and once again I am wearing another pair of not so pleasant shoes. The pain- anguish- anxiety and the clear and dire need to finally have resolve- sets in with me all too well yet shares one more example of how it is that life can take several more turns before the trials and tribulations finally end.

There are more than just the usual forms of "Under-dogs" in the world- there are the medically challenged as well. Such has never ever a day in life made people weak- if anything- it makes them stronger and shows that there have always been- are now and will always be- different ways of surviving whether the piused and biased want to believe in such or not.

Either way- from my own beliefs- judgment day will come soon enough and when it does- I have only but to keep on a strong path of getting through and over-coming and with every example that comes my way- I will know what it means to remain a good person at heart and when the day comes that my boys are all grown up- go to college or what ever they choose- they will at least know that no matter what happens in life- I will always be there with a never ending sense of motherly love and an over-abundance of support.

Should they find their soul mates and marry- I will be the best Mother-In-Law their wives ever had and there will always be a shoulder for both to lean on any time they need it. There has never been- is not now and will never be- any form of soul-less-ness under MY roof- just always an ever-lasting light and comfort which I will fight with my very being to keep existent.

Such are the examples that really unruly people set and no matter how much they despise the fact that others oppose and defy their will- as a really good friend of mine had once put it: " Such is Life " and from my own point of view- " Such is also Reality ".

One way or another though- I will come through just like I did way back when. I've always been a bit of Rebel and really tough Fighter and sooner or later I know too that I will finally find peace even if for just a really short bit and for reasoning that every now and then- unruly ideals just have to crack- break and give up.

Nothing bad ever lasts forever and every survivor receives true and blessed rewards.

Jade -

Very eloquently and profoundly put. It is important to have a purposeful life, and you obviously do. I can tell that you also treat people with respect, and respect yourself. Unfortunately, as you and I both know, not everyone is like that. It is sad that those types of people are so close to the orbit of you and your family. Using these negative people as examples of how not to be with your own two sons as they grow gives you much strength. You are a wonderful woman.