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A warm hearted Message from my friend. (children mentioned) A warm hearted Message from my friend. (children mentioned)

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Unread 04-08-2006, 09:33 PM
A warm hearted Message from my friend. (children mentioned)

My good friend wrote this to me due to my fears of everything. Maybe it might give some of you a little more comfort as to wondering how your children will be while your layed up.it did me.
Hi Honey,
It will be fine, I promise you. You have to make it seem like a great adventure for DD. She is more resilient than you might think. DD was only 6 years old when I had my hysterectomy. Back then I was in the hospital for 5 days. It is tougher on you than it will be for her. I was the same way. You have to be positive or she will be an emotional wreck. You will come out of this so beautifully, you will wonder what all the fuss was about. You will definitely be in much better physical shape than you are now. Because you will not have the pain and discomfort. You will not believe how much energy you will have. You will feel like a how new person. Trust me , Julie, it will be so good., you will wonder why you worried so. I have a very high pain tolerance so I recovered very fast. You know how I only missed work when I had pneumonia that time and had to stay in bed for 4 days on doctors orders. The awesome part for DD is that you and she will have some time to be together. She will absolutely love that!!! She will become your little nurse just like DD did for me. One of the cute parts is that DD would wake me up to see if I needed anything. I didn,t mind as she was being so attentive to me. Selena will want to help you. Also, don't forget that DD and DH also have a great relationship. She is secure in her love from both of you. Just keep thinking positive even if you don't feel it for DD's sake. Kids process things alot differently than adults do. God will be here for you. You will go to sleep so fast and wake up and ask," Did you do the surgery yet?" Trust me honey, it will be fine. Also, they usually ask you what kind of music you want to listen to and BAM! !!!, you are waking up and it's over!!!! Take care.
Love ya,
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Unread 04-09-2006, 04:35 AM
A warm hearted Message from my friend. (children mentioned)

Wow, very nice and how comforting. Sounds like a great friend to have.
Unread 04-09-2006, 12:54 PM
A warm hearted Message from my friend. (children mentioned)

(((jade_rose))) I'm sorry you are feeling so afraid and anxious about how your family will deal with your surgery. It was very sweet of your friend to write you such a comforting letter, and I'm sure she had only the very best of intentions... I just wanted to mention that, of course we all know, no one can really guarantee that anyone else's surgery will go perfectly, or that they'll be "just fine", or that they'll "definitely be in much better physical shape than you are now", or that "Trust me honey, it will be fine". It probably will all be fine, but we just don't know.

I'm not trying to make your fears worse, only we all need to realize going into surgery that there are no guarantees about outcome of such a major surgery. If everyone did "just fine" and was in much better physical shape afterwards, we would have no need for our Road Less Traveled, Aching Hearts, Sexual Dysfunction and Bladder Matters forums, to name just a few places where ladies who are not "just fine" can go to find support. If everyone did "just fine", we wouldn't have any reason to suggest that everyone get a second opinion before going through with surgery - it would be the best thing everyone ever did. Well, I can tell you, it is not the best thing I ever did -- the only reason I'm ok with it is because I really didn't have a choice. The important thing (imho) is to be resigned to the fact that you are doing what you must do to preserve your chances for a healthy future, and concentrate on dealing with your recovery and getting on with life after hysterectomy, whatever that life may entail for you.

When I get in my car every day, I am taking a chance. I may be (am ) a great driver, but that doesn't mean something awful can't happen to me -- it can. Someone else can make a major mistake, or I can get distracted and not see something I need to see, or... there are any number of negative outcomes that can occur, through my own fault or that of a complete stranger. If I spend all my time agonizing over whether or not I'll be fine, I'd never be able to go anywhere -- I'd be paralyzed with fear. So, I just accept that the world is full of surprises, both good and bad, and try to make the most of each day as it comes. I think the surgery is the same thing, once we've decided that it's our only option. In other words... the time to agonize is before deciding to go through with it. If you've truly decided you must, then there is no point in worrying about all the what-if's. Besides, all that worry can become like a self-fulfilling prophecy -- it can cause your family to worry when they might otherwise not have.

My kids were 12 and 8 when I had my hysterectomy, and were very aware of what was happening and why. With smaller children, imho the best approach is to tell them just the minimum you need to to explain why you will have to be in the hospital -- something like, "Mommy hasn't been well for a while. The DRs are going to remove a part which is making mommy feel sick/hurt, and then mommy will need to take it easy for a little while so she can get better. I know you will be a big help while I'm trying to get better."

As your friend so rightly stated, kids are really resilient. They can roll with the punches a lot more easily than some of us can! I think, as long as we present the concept to them as something which is supposed to make things better for us all in the long run, they can deal with whatever disruption occurs in their lives in the short term.

Please try not to worry too much (I know, easier said than done) about things you cannot control, or things that may not even happen. Focus on preparing for your hospital stay and recovery, and trust that your family will rally around you.

Good luck with your surgery!

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