I have scheduled my hysterectomy... but I don't think I can go through with it!

Hopefully I won't have to have it but I have scheduled my hysterectomy for April 16. I am doing a trial of Spinal Cord Stimulation on March 23 for my pain related to adenomyosis. Since I don't have bleeding the pain management route is a good one but there is, according to every doctor I have consulted, only a 50/50 chance of it working so I scheduled the hyst so that if it doesn't work at least I won't have to wait too long for the hyst and just get it over with. And if I have to cancel then I will be thrilled to do so!

BUT- my heart is breaking. I honestly don't know how I am going to do it. I keep picturing myself sobbing uncontrollably in the hospital the morning of the procedure. And I feel like I could stay like this for weeks or months or even years even though I know I shouldn't. I am in so much pain that I pretty much have NO quality of life, unless you call sitting at home in front of my computer chatting online quality time.

I am almost 31, newly married, no kids. I HAVE to do this- but how?

Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry you are going through this. You don't say if you are feeling this way because you are afraid of the surgery or because you won't be able to have kids. If you are terrified of the surgery I understand that because I was and wanted to cancel up until the night before but I did it and I am still here. If it is because of not being able to have kids please remember there are a lot of kids out there who don't have any parents and would love to be adopted.
Best wishes and I hope your procedures go well for you. You will have a lot of support from this site. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ah News, I know this cannot be an easy time for you. I know the physical pain that you are going thru. The last few months prior to my surgery were nothing but pain and all I basically could do was sit or lay around and take pain pills. I hope that this site will be a welcome relief for you. Get all of your questions and alternatives answered by your dr. Best wishes.

hey there, i know what its like to be young, im 28 and am 1 week post op. i do on the other hand have 2 children but i still struggled really hard with the fact i could not have the longed for 3rd to complete our family. i also know the other side of being wyoung with no children and facing this as my mum had a hysterectomy 3 years before i was born. as you guessed it i am adopted and if you have to go down this route in the future the children will always feel like yours no matter if you spent 20+ hrs in labour or picked them up from the hospital 5 days old.
you will be the one to nurse them, fix their cuts, solve their problems and spend a fortune on them.

think of your health and your living style with pain at the moment, so whats best for you.
good luck, i'll keep an eye out for you on this site!

I am not at all nervous for the surgery, it is the fact that I will never be able to carry my own children that is so terrible. I know that there are tons of kids available for adoption but it is not the same- I want to be the one to carry them, to deliver them, to hold them for the first time and know that they are a perfect mix of me and my husband. I know I will adopt if I have to... but right now I COULD carry a baby and I am finding it so hard to let go of that.

HOW can I get over this? I can't just "accept it". And telling me to adopt doesn't make it any easier, either. (Though I know everyone who tells me that means well, I really do.) And I hope this site is a welcome relief, too... but I need to know HOW to deal with this and nobody has been able to give me any way of doing this. So, if anyone had these feelings before surgery and found something that really helped put it into perspective I would love to hear it!

I am so sorry nothing we can say will make you feel better. I don't know exactly what it is that you have since my hysterectomy was for fibroids, enlarged uterus and anemia due to heavy periods. Have you spoken to your dr (and definitely go for a 2nd and 3rd opinion) to see if there is any way possible to try to have a child before having the hysterectomy?

is there a support group thru your dr that you can talk to others about the child side of the operation? can you have a baby now and put off the surgery till you have a cesarain at the same time?
i didnt want to seem pushy about the adoption thing, dont think i was being, just wanted you to know how my mum felt and how i felt.
if you cant have the children now then i think you will need to have some support councelling with someone who does not know you or will judge you on your thoughts, family can be supportive but they can also be opinionated. how does your huubie feel?

Newsjunkie...My heart hurts for you...I wish there was something I could do for you...I do have children, and had my hyst at 41, but I did experience years of infertility and miscarraiges so I know that agony of heart that comes with not being able to have a child...And even at my age, with children I still mourn the loss of possibility that comes with a hyst....some of that is normal as you'll see on this site, many women who really didn't want to have anymore kids still felt a sense of grief at the finality of a hysterectomy...

That said...maybe you should consult your Dr and your dear husband (DH) about having a child before you do the hyst. I know you're in pain and it does severely limit your life, but many times these problems sort of take a time out during a pregnancy....In my own experience, I felt tons better during my pregnancies even though I was in considerable pain in between them...it was like the pregnancy just put all the other stuff on hold...again, this is my own experience, but you might at least consider the possibility of having a child and then planning a hyst afterward.....

There are no do overs with a hyst, and I'm not the only person on here who will encourage you to be very sure before you have the surgery....I'll keep you in my prayers, and if you want to PM me to talk more, feel free!
s,
Janice

There is a wonderful website you might want to check out. It offers alot of support. Its called childlessnotbychoice.com.

I would get a second opinion, and I would also see a fertility specialist right away. First, weigh your options about whether you would be able to carry a child at all at this point. Then, weight your options about whether it would be safe for you to wait to have the hysterectomy. Absolutely don't do anything without being sure it's the best choice for you. Without a doubt.

The heart wants what the heart wants, and if you do come to the conclusion that you will not be able to carry your own children, feel free to grieve that. It's a loss. The more free you are to experience that grief, the quicker and more thoroughly you'll recover from that grief.

Best of luck, friend. Keep us posted.