Anniversary day before surgery....help!

Marty~ glad you think so! Without your post I wouldn't have even remembered that we had it! : ) The free things we can do might end up being the best...we're strapped enough $ wise that I think my husband can hear the "cha-ching" as we're eating at restaurants. Just the same, maybe we'll grab a salad at my favorite Greek place.....wow. I'm nervous. I wonder if _I'll_ be able to enjoy anything...... today I've been a wreck. Maybe the day before will be better?

Hey, I have a funny sort of question......

OK, I know this sounds pessimistic, but the coupon book-- the more I think of it the more anxiety I have that I won't be able to keep my promises.....what would reasonable promises be when I know I'll be out of commission sexually for a while? I guess I'm frustrated because with my husband, there are only a few things that matter to him-- sex and food. So if I promise him a shoulder rub or a trip to the movie theater, it's kind of, uh, like not meaningful to him. Maybe if I let him pick a violent movie?? Ahhh.

I just don't function this way....... is there something wrong with me? I feel whenever I plan something in advance somehow I end up ruining it or not delivering the way I wanted to, or just simply that it totally doesn't mean as much to him as it would to me....

For instance, one year I put together a picnic-- goblets, fancy food and drinks, blind-folded him and took him to a scenic spot... He was just like, "that was nice of you honey." It was really disappointing.

So I've gotten very addicted to spontaneity, which turns out OK, but my husband's even asked me lately if I could start planning things with him without feeling pressure and ruining it......

This is a bit of a different issue than my main question, but if any of you have some advice, I would be most appreciative.

Ellie

Aaaah, Ellie. Your husband is different than you are. Funny that. You go ahead and marry a male, and see what happens???
Don't worry about coupon books or promises.
Just talk about looking forward to your life together in new health.
Six weeks is small price to pay for better health for the years to come.
Prepare for what you personally might need - if there is frozen food or canned food that you can get in advance, do it, pack your bag and pillow, and research what's going to happen to you.
This will make it easier when your husband has to take care of you.
This is going to be a very different time in your relationship.
But this can be so good.
Men like to be appreciated for their masculine strength.
Men like to be needed.
And you need the man to do manly things: Carrying, lifting, fetching. Bringing food to the cave.
Praise him for doing all these things. Praise him for being a man.
Maybe for the first time in your marriage you are going to have to be totally dependent on him.
That's not a bad thing.
You need him. He needs you, and for sure, he's going to be thinking about how much he needs you while he waits to hear from the doctor.
I'm sure there are things he has had to wait for and work for in the past. This is one of them. If he is openly appreciated for the things he does, he will feel a sense of accomplishment.
Yes, he will get frustrated, and so will you. Just remember he can't read your mind, anticipate your needs, or truly understand what is wrong. All he can do is DO. So give him things to do and let him know how much it helps.