Used goods... :(

Hi belly sore - I completely agree with what Chris said - all men are not the same, and the man who shows up in your life as the "right" man for you, is the one who loves and accepts you for who you are. As Chris said, there are lots of guys out there who would be thrilled to not worry about pregnancy, and also be thrilled to skip the baby stage and get on with being a dad to some cool young people that you have already put so much time and effort into.

This might sound hokey but I know it worked for me...I formed an image in my head of what the ultimate guy for me would be like. I had a 13 year marriage that ended many years before it actually ended (which in itself I think is the loneliest thing I have ever experienced....being in a marriage that started out great, but ended with no intimacy at all). I was then single for about five years before I started thinking I really wanted to find the person I could potentially share my life with. So I thought about all the things I loved doing, and the things I would hope to share doing with someone. I thought about the traits most important to me. I didn't worry about looks but admittedly I wanted him to be taller than me. And I visualized this person that I knew I could be happy with. And I kid you not, he showed up in my life a couple of years later. If he had showed up sooner, I wouldn't have been ready for him, it wouldn't have worked. Please believe that you will find the right guy at the right time, and please know that being in a disfunctional relationship can be more lonely than being single.

Now....I had to hold off on commenting about the used goods question....wow! I mean it's one of those things that is so insensitive that it is almost laughable. Seriously....if you are used goods, then every other person on the planet is too, because we've all suffered loss, we've all become the person we are as a result of our life path, the good and the bad. And the things that have happened to you in your life are exactly the things that make you the perfect person for the man who shows up in your life when you are ready. And in the meantime, you are taking care of your own health, and recovering your quality of life, for your sake, your kids' sake, and your future partner's sake! Good for you!!!

I tell ya, being anemic and spending too much of my life down and out is what makes ME feel like used goods! I know without a shadow of doubt that after my surgery, I will be DONE feeling like used goods, and I will feel vibrant and sexy and female again!

I do believe that our thoughts have a big impact on what/who we attract. Please keep believing in yourself, and hold on to your goal of meeting the man that is perfect for you - know that he'll show up when the time is right.

Girl keep your head up and remember there will always be haters out there. You are and will always be a "real" women just because we have to go through this surgery does not make us less of a women.

Right now you have a lot on your plate. Please try and put aside your friends stupid comment. We all have said things that have hurt others. You must concentrate on the problem at hand. I am two years post op and I feel better now than I did before my surgery. A hysterectomy was the best thing that I have done in the last ten years. I should have done it sooner. As far as being used goods, that is ridiculous. Ask your children if you are used goods. I guarantee they look at you as the most important person in their life. You are needed goods. Your children need your goodness to help them grow into wonderful adults. So keep that in mind. You are irreplaceable! Your life matters and you are much needed, not only in your childrens lives but also in your family and friends' lives. God has a plan for you. Do not define your whole life by one careless comment.

Good grief! What kind of good man would rather you be in pain and unable to do things??

Be proud that you are doing what is best for you and your kids...they'll appreciate ther mom feeling so much better.

What's more, you can give a guy a family. You've got too amazing kids hed be lucky to have in his life.

Wow Thanks everyone so much, I was pretty hurt and confussed by what was said and even let it dig into my mind a little but you guys are all right!!! She was being mean and bitter and when I do find someone special he will love me for me and not if my love socket is producing
electricity or not. hehe (my sister told me that) And I also broke down and swallowed my pride and ask my youngest sister to come stay labor day weekend with me so I'm not alone and she is and then my other sister has taken leave from the NAVY and is flying home to hang out with me after my baby sister leaves. Thanks everyone for all the great advice you guys and this site are god sents, its making the wait and worry so much easier

Good to hear your feeling better about everything. See you thought you were alone ! Not a chance - you have two of your sisters coming to stay with you and you have hundreds/thousands of sisters here to 'talk' with day or night With all these sisters who needs a man? just kidding I'm sure when the time is right you will find someone to share your life with. Hang in there and take one day at a time.

Great news about your sisters. I know having my SIL around always makes things easier to handle.

I'm glad your sisters are helping you.

Me having cerv.ca drew my sisters and me a lot closer and I am very happy about that. They really take good care of me.

Hey bellysore,

Glad to see you're getting some good support.
When I read the doubts your friend's remarks caused you -- "And as anger as her statements made me I'm wondering if there is any truth to what she’s saying. I realize even being "all" women I can’t seem to find a good guy, but will this make it even harder?" -- I got angry too.

For what it's worth, I have a darlin' husband who was VERY glad to meet a woman who didn't want/have kids -- so there is no way the surgery you're having will make it harder to find the right person.

The right person for you will be a person who is excited and happy about who you are, just as you are. It takes luck, and it took me a long time to meet my guy (I was over 40), but taking care of your health will not make you less lovable. It will help you separate the people who are wrong for you from those who are right from you.

I agree with the other posters - don't let her negative remarks make you feel bad. Let me give you the flipside that one of the women at my work said to me on Friday morning when she found out I'm having surgery. She had hers at age 33. She said "you are going to feel so much better without that pain" and also "let me warn you though, there's no monthly off time as far as hubby is concerned, and he is all over me all the time now that he knows he's not going to cause me pain". I'm sure there are some men who would feel the way your friend expressed, but definitely not all of them do and the ones who do probably wouldn't be the right person for you anyway.