Its got the best of me!

I feel like all I do is complain. I want to just hide (maybe in my closet) sometimes. Someplace no one will find me. I have to nagg about the house, my inlaws, my hair, my everything.:hair:
The weather is aweful and I can't sleep.
My mom called (we are very close) and I think she needed to talk and I really couldn't make myself care (if thats what I mean).
I usually am the one who drops everything to help everyone else---but myself. I always do with out for my kids, my husband, my gr. grandma,strangers. I feel aweful, like I should call and appoligize. But, It is 1:52 am at her house. I don't think she would like that.
Am I the only one? Does everyone want to give up that fake "nothing is wrong with me" face? I know I was not rude (thats not me)> but, I was not receptive either.

Sisiter who lost her umph,
Leslie

Oh I know exactly how you feel. Because I laugh and I get through the days I don't think people really truly understand how very hard this is. Besides feeling miserable I am worried and scared. My mom said she doesn't know how to help me because she's never been through this. I am a single mom so I don't have a husband or boyfriend to help me at home when I have the surgery and certainly not to help with the emotional side. I know it may sound crazy but sometimes I feel like this should be "all about me!!!" I don't want to listen to anyone else's problems or deal with anything else. I want to completely submit to my misery!! Hang in there. You are not alone at all!

Hmmm...maybe we should start the sleepless sisters brigade!

Sorry you're having such a tough time. It seems to me that I'm handling everything just fine, then something unrelated happens and I come unglued.

I've kind of got the opposite problem. My DH, mother-in-law, and daughter keep asking me if I'm okay, and I am--right up until they bug me about it again. I know they're trying to be helpful, but sometimes I'd rather just hide (closet sounds like a *really* good idea)

About the best medicine I've found so far is just coming to this board. There's lots of support here, and I guess it's the right kind because I don't mind all the questions I see here. I suppose that's because I know everybody here has at least some understanding of what each of us is going through. Around my house, at least, that ain't the case!

Anyway, I just wanted to echo that "you're not alone" sentiment. It's really true here, and I know we're all grateful for it!

K (18 days to go until my TAH/BSO/bladder sling)

I too feel like all I do is complain and when I'm not complaining I escape by sleeping. My friends and co-workers seem to avoid me because I was the one that was always up and happy. always there to listen to their worries and problems and since I've been going through bleeding, bleeding, hormones, more bleeding, ablation, bleeding, more hormones, bleeding I have become so focused on me and what's wrong with me and hurting all the time and I tend to keep everything to myself so it's hard for me to talk to anyone and no one I know has had my problems so they don't understand. And I am short with everyone including my mother, she even said she'll be glad when this is over so I won't be so mean (she called me one day and she was eating something and I refused to talk t her because I didn't want to listen to her chomp--something I normally try and tolerate)). I think it is really hard for those of us who are always giving to deal with needing especially when those we need from don't really understand how someone not "sick" can feel so bad mentally and physically. My co-workers were all shocked when I came back from a dr appt 2 weeks ago and requested medical leave for surgery. One of them even said you want to do this like it was my choice, I think I snapped and told HIM that actually I would prefer to bleed everyday for the rest of my life but my doctor didn't think that would be a good idea.

We are all there for you and you're not alone in feeling the way you do because I think every sister here is riding the emotional roller coaster. Too bad all that money was spent on make Viagra and not finding a pill to fix female problems because if every female had my problems there would be no need for Viagra.

Cindy

*Joins everyone in the closet* We'll all just hide here together!! I know what you all mean. When I get snappy with my hubby, I have to quickly say afterward, "sorry just on the roller coaster again". Then we laugh about it, even though I don't feel like laughing. Thanksgiving is coming up, then my birthday the day after, and I don't even feel like celebrating. I just want to curl up on the couch and cry when I feel like it and have everyone leave me alone. But, on top of the holidays I have my tests and finals in college to contend with. And my two kids who don't understand why mom is upset all the time. It just gets to be overwhelming. I've been trying to get our Christmas shopping done, and we're on a really limited budget until after my surgery so that's adding to the stress. I've tried to get people to buy me sweat pants and outfits for my birthday so I'll have things to wear post-op and they all say, "you can buy that yourself" or "why not wait until Christmas?" I can't wait until Christmas, what am I supposed to wear the ten days before it comes? I guess they figure I'll just walk around naked and no one will notice!!! I live in Florida so I don't have many long pants as it is and what I do have is jeans that hurt to wear now because I'm swelled so bad.
I'm sorry to vent and ramble, but I figured at least you all would understand what I'm going through, and from reading previous posts you all do.

So, I say untill surgery we'll all just hide in the closet, indulge in chocolate, and cry and complain to each other where we can get some support!!!

Hi Sisters (LIW)
(woops! sent it with the first line only LOL!)
This all reminds me of a country song that goes something like this 'Baby, now you've had the best of me, here's the REST of me...' Anybody know it?
It's OK, we all go through that - hey, just DISH it out! This is your time, it IS about you and your body and your healing.
Have no guilt - and make sure you demand the help that you need and deserve. Your family, friends, etc. will have to understand that the tables are turned, and it's their time to give back!
Here's wishing you all well - hope you have a safe and successful journey to the Post-Op side - see you there soon!

joano

I too have the same emotions and feelings rightnow. DH doesn't understand, we fought last night because I was trying to do my homework for school, and he couldn't sweep the kitchen with our two youngest in there. How does he think I feel, I try to clean all day, to no avail of course, with two or three kids running right behind me tearing it all out again!!! He says I'm always mean to him. I would rather be mean to him than take it out on my children when he's the one I'm mad at. I too am trying to buy for christmas on a limited budget. DH says, you can always order online after your surgery. I replied, and who is going to wrap them! He said they don't need wrapped-he just doesn't understand. I guess instead of laying in bed tossing and turniong trying to go back to sleep, I should've got up and logged in...apparently I wasn't the only one up all night! LOL I did finally manage to get the Chrristmas tree up, and the kids decorated it. My DH is mad about that too. He said wait until after TG, oh yeah, thats what I want, something else to try and get done real quick before surgery 12-8-04. My mother in law also doesn't help matters. She said well, if you can find a job, even if it's seasonal, you should go to work and cancel your hyst! SHe had a hyst about a year ago, but she feels I couldn't be as bad in pain as she was, because she is older. LOL I would gladly let her live in my body for a month, I bet that would change her mind!
Well, I guess I've taken up enough of your time rambling, thanks for listening and letting me ramble.

Hopefully this rollercoaster'll end SOON!!!

Boy do I know what you all mean about the emotional roller coaster. :hair: I am normally a very positive person and one that does alot for others but here lately I find myself griping and wanting to be left alone. Which is not at all like me.

Today is my birthday and all I want is to be left alone. Isn't that pitiful? Normally I would want to be surrounded with friends and family but for some reason I don't want anyone around me. I want to do the housework (in peace) and be left alone. I feel so unappreciated here lately (which is really odd for me) and I can't help but feel angry that noone seems to care. Sounds silly I guess but that is how I have been feeling. :eyes:

I hate feeling this way but noone seems to understand or even care and it just irritates me to no end!

Thank God for this website and for being able to come here and vent and not be judged.

One day I know this Durnd rollercoaster is gonna crash and I ALMOST feel sorry for the inisent bystanders! ALMOST!

I give so much ALL the time and it never seems to come back!

My DH has the nerve to say to me, "poor Leslie, its always about you."

Needless to say he slept on the couch down stairs.
I have not even tried to put up x-mas. I go dec 6. I am gonna crack----------I still haven't bought the things I need for surgery, and not 1 pres. Oh, well!!!!!

Thanks Ladies for letting me know I am not the only one!!!

Sister in Meltdown mode,
Leslie

ok girls move over...this closet is big enough for ALL of us...before I went in for surgery I felt guilty because I felt more people should have been concerned about me..I thought I was being selfish, but this IS a big deal..at least to me it was. Now that I am through surgery I get phone calls from family that tell me what is going on in their lives and then ask me how I am as an after thought. It would be nice if one of my sisters would bring over pizza and a movie and spend time with me...it is SO boring here by myself all day. My BF leaves for work before I get up , gets home about 6-630 and then is asleep on the couch by 730..woohoo...so NO ONE is leaving this closet until we spend some quality time with each other!!