Frustrated light dimming

Well I am just back from the ER, where once again I was treated like a drug seeker. Yes, all that blood- I just want pain killers. While there I flooded so I am sitting there in nasty pants as she 'talks' to me. I am a military dependent and the care I have had since February is deplorable. Sent here, there, appointments made/ canceled by them, going and being bumped, loss of US report, going and only seen by NP because the Dr is running behind. The ER NPs advice today was, I see from your US you have numerous fibroids and cysts, and your uterus is enlarged. If u can't get an appointment tomorrow, and feel you cannot wait until Wednesday (my appointment day) then come back and we will try to get you taken care of. (and yes, I have been to patient advocacy and called insurance to be seen off post)

I am writing because I am losing my light. I feel I am no longer shining on and am so so so sad. I know my family has had it with me and frankly, I have had it with this body too. Why do we have to fight to get good medical care. I have seen others on this site that feel the same way. I guess once we bleed out, or collapse while driving etc, maybe the morgue will see us and treat our bodies with respect and dignity.

I'll stop there. For anyone that read through all my whining, thank you- I just had to tell someone that I am so down, so sad, and hurt so much.

Don't let your light dim...just protect it for a while while you catch your breath. Your story sounds familiar- flooding all over the ER floor on more than one occassion (and every other floor at work, at home and at school). Horrendous periods since I was 8 years old, extreme PMS. No one could find anything wrong! Add in back problems and a weight issue, and they forget you are human. It was just a fluke that I managed to flood at the right time to get the right dr. at the right ER, but once I did, it made a difference. I am now 4 days post op and feel like my life is going to begin all over again.
Remember, you are not alone! (and we are all allowed to be sad and whine occasionally) Hugs and blessings to you.

Thank you for reading my post and for your kind words of encouragement. I do need to protect my light. So I dust myself off and continue on. I am blessed to have found this sight, and am encouraged to see a section where others will pray with/ for you. Prayer has helped me through so much. I will pray for your continued healing. May you have a peaceful and restorative sleep tonight.

Dear (((5683wd)))
Sometimes we need others to come alongside and hold us up when we are tired and weak from a battle, whether it is physical or spiritual. That's what sisters in the faith are for and sisters here who share in this experience of facing the physical challenges that seem to ravage our bodies and our souls at times.

Please don't be too hard on yourself for feeling like your light isn't what you want it to be or even if it isn't what it should be, we all go through seasons like that. It sounds like you are being sorely tested right now and I'm sure God is right there with His arms outstretched wanting you to fall into His Grace for you during this time and also wanting you to know that He understands.

I remember how low I felt when I was first where you are right now, trying to find answers for the bleeding and not having a dr yet who seemed to understand and be able to offer me the care I needed. It came in time. I would encourage you to hang in there and not give up. Keep the faith and keep looking to Him who is able to keep you safe until you have the answers you need.

Dear Father, I pray for my sister tonight, asking you to come close, to strengthen her faith and to shine your light into the darkness that threatens her thoughts and keeps her from being able to have victory over the situation at hand. Give her hope again, renew her ability to overcome the things that seem to have gone wrong and that she doesn't see a solution for right now. Open the doors that she needs to have opened so she can receive the care she needs. You know the situation and exactly what needs to happen for her to be healed.

Bless her tonight and this coming week with a renewed vigor for life and especially for You. Be her shelter in this storm and protect her from the attacks that would come against her faith and her peace of mind. Thank you for Your faithfulness to us in every storm. In Your Name we pray, Amen.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."
1 Peter 1:6-7

I will be praying for you. I hope everything will be better for you soon.
Rita

Hello 5683wd
please know that you are not alone. I've been active duty, then a dependant and now a dependant of a retiree. So I clearly understand your frustration in receiving care as a military dependant. It may seem hopeless and frustrating, but talk to patient advocacy again, Call the insurance company again, keep going back to the ER if you can't get an appointment; they are going to have to do something. You are you best advocate. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalms 55:22

You will not have to fight this battle, Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow and the Lord will be with you.
2 Chronicles 20:17

Hang in there sweetie. The Lord's got this. Trust in Him

Love,
Wanda

I am so sorry you are having this horrendous experience. I don't have words of wisdom but just sending prayers to you. I know that God will hear all our prayers and help you through this. Sending hugs and prayers

I haven't been to this site in over 5 years & it has been over 10 years (01/15/2002) since I had my TAH. I logged on tonight because I have my annual tomorrow, & I have a bit of anxiety about it. Not only am I in the middle of the 'War of the Roses' (now since ~2007), but I am since ill (w/ unrelated 'stuff'), probably will lose health insurance, & have been out of the work force as a SAHM, since I left my 'high powered' job when I had my 3rd child (after having about 16 miscarriages in between the 2nd & 3rd). The irony is that my appointment tomorrow is w/ the gyno who was my TAH surgeon in 2002. My very empathetic & fabulous gyno of many years, retired unexpectedly about a year or so ago, & I, like you wrote, was 'shuffled' about & ended up with a doctor, who was an excellent surgeon, but isn't amenable to HRT & it was a year ago when I initially saw him. He basically told me, "I'm not going to prescribe this stuff for you much longer, even if there is no cancer in your family, your 75 y old mother still is on both estrogen & progesterone (she never had a hysterectomy), your bones are falling apart, you went through early menopause unrelated to the TAH I did a decade ago & you aren't even 50 years old yet." Makes one all warm & fuzzy, yes? My initial visit to this site over 10 years ago came from circumstances nearly identical to those ones you are experiencing now, really, a near mirror of my 2001.

Now while my current circumstances may seem *totally* unrelated to your own , reading your post & the heartbreak of your weariness - echoed, as I wrote above, my 2001 all over again. While logging onto HysterSisters for a quick look around for docs & HRT in my area, might seem very coincidental, I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. And, I don't think it's accidental that I'm logging on HysterSisters after 5+ years tonight, to reset my password & there your post sat before me as the first thing I subsequently saw.

While it might seem trite & unhelpful, I'll say it anyway, because it's *TRUE*, even if it doesn't *FEEL* like it: the Lord does understand, you are not alone & He already knows 'the rest of the story' & His Spirit can & I believe (& will pray) give you a peace just to endure. Your concerns wrt the state of our health care, etc... well, 10 years ago I would never have imagined I would have lost so much & still have SO much UNCERTAINTY day to day (while my FAITH is unshakeable -- I want & believe God will work things in my life, on HIS timetable -- I want to more than JUST survive & live day to day) & so while now, through it all, I am *even* more sure & *even* more certain, that God is in *total* control. Hebrews 11:01 is my signature verse . It was a long time for me getting to it & even longer to the present.

& so while I cannot fix anything for you, coming along side you, as one poster wrote, is what I & others can do ... & so I will pray for you, as a friend recently lifted someone in my life up in prayer, prayed: that Jesus will give you a personal sign of encouragement and that you will recognize it. I'm don't mean that you should look for burning bushes - but burning bushes come in all forms these days. I was present to watch my friend's prayer 'coincidentally' be answered & it was personal, it was amazing & it was very much in the realm of the everyday.

God loves you unconditionally & what you need is an advocate ... basically a ~you~ to take care of you ... I'm guessing at this, but I know that's pretty much where I was ... I needed the 'well' version of myself who helped others when they found themselves in my position ... to help me. I will pray for this for you also. I wish I could say it was easy & quick for me, but it was neither -- but anything worth having is worth waiting & working for & I will pray that God enables your patience & sends someone RIGHT there to work on your behalf...

& so on that note I shall end this tome & know that others are praying for you & that Romans 8:26-28 apply too, 'k?

Blessings!!

Thank you all for your prayers, I feel lifted up in spirit. And A strong spirit and light is what I most need. I keep a prayer book and have added all of you to my list of thanks. It is a list I keep to thank God for the people he has blessed me with. There are so many, and it helps me see that he doesn't ever leave me alone in spirit or body.
Precious Pearl and Zenyetta: thank you for the beautiful prayers.
Wandatd: thank you for your service to this great nation and thank you for your encouragement. I will pick myself up and continue the fight I and my family deserve a better life.
Sue: I pray that you once again can advocate for the healing you need. I pray that you and your physician can make you feel strong again. I have an appointment tomorrow and have prayed that he can lead my discussion with the physician tomorrow and guide us on a path of healing. I lift my arms up to praise him and glorify his name.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by susan112262 I haven't been to this site in over 5 years & it has been over 10 years (01/15/2002) since I had my TAH. I logged on tonight because I have my annual tomorrow, & I have a bit of anxiety about it. Not only am I in the middle of the 'War of the Roses' (now since ~2007), but I am since ill (w/ unrelated 'stuff'), probably will lose health insurance, & have been out of the work force as a SAHM, since I left my 'high powered' job when I had my 3rd child (after having about 16 miscarriages in between the 2nd & 3rd). The irony is that my appointment tomorrow is w/ the gyno who was my TAH surgeon in 2002. My very empathetic & fabulous gyno of many years, retired unexpectedly about a year or so ago, & I, like you wrote, was 'shuffled' about & ended up with a doctor, who was an excellent surgeon, but isn't amenable to HRT & it was a year ago when I initially saw him. He basically told me, "I'm not going to prescribe this stuff for you much longer, even if there is no cancer in your family, your 75 y old mother still is on both estrogen & progesterone (she never had a hysterectomy), your bones are falling apart, you went through early menopause unrelated to the TAH I did a decade ago & you aren't even 50 years old yet." Makes one all warm & fuzzy, yes? My initial visit to this site over 10 years ago came from circumstances nearly identical to those ones you are experiencing now, really, a near mirror of my 2001. Now while my current circumstances may seem *totally* unrelated to your own , reading your post & the heartbreak of your weariness - echoed, as I wrote above, my 2001 all over again. While logging onto HysterSisters for a quick look around for docs & HRT in my area, might seem very coincidental, I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. And, I don't think it's accidental that I'm logging on HysterSisters after 5+ years tonight, to reset my password & there your post sat before me as the first thing I subsequently saw. While it might seem trite & unhelpful, I'll say it anyway, because it's *TRUE*, even if it doesn't *FEEL* like it: the Lord does understand, you are not alone & He already knows 'the rest of the story' & His Spirit can & I believe (& will pray) give you a peace just to endure. Your concerns wrt the state of our health care, etc... well, 10 years ago I would never have imagined I would have lost so much & still have SO much UNCERTAINTY day to day (while my FAITH is unshakeable -- I want & believe God will work things in my life, on HIS timetable -- I want to more than JUST survive & live day to day) & so while now, through it all, I am *even* more sure & *even* more certain, that God is in *total* control. Hebrews 11:01 is my signature verse . It was a long time for me getting to it & even longer to the present. & so while I cannot fix anything for you, coming along side you, as one poster wrote, is what I & others can do ... & so I will pray for you, as a friend recently lifted someone in my life up in prayer, prayed: that Jesus will give you a personal sign of encouragement and that you will recognize it. I'm don't mean that you should look for burning bushes - but burning bushes come in all forms these days. I was present to watch my friend's prayer 'coincidentally' be answered & it was personal, it was amazing & it was very much in the realm of the everyday. God loves you unconditionally & what you need is an advocate ... basically a ~you~ to take care of you ... I'm guessing at this, but I know that's pretty much where I was ... I needed the 'well' version of myself who helped others when they found themselves in my position ... to help me. I will pray for this for you also. I wish I could say it was easy & quick for me, but it was neither -- but anything worth having is worth waiting & working for & I will pray that God enables your patience & sends someone RIGHT there to work on your behalf... & so on that note I shall end this tome & know that others are praying for you & that Romans 8:26-28 apply too, 'k? Blessings!!

Susan it is a great thing to be an encourager even when we are in the midst of our own trials. I pray that your doctor's appointment will have a positive outcome. I pray for a complete healing in your body. Prayerfully you won't lose your insurance. Although we know that the Lord will not put on us more than we can bear, I know sometimes I think; Lord are you sure ,
Through our test come powerful testimonies. I know He has greatness in store for you.

For the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10

Stay strong and be encouraged

Love Wanda

Thank you for the prayers and the power of prayer is awesome. I ended up flooding so badly in the waiting room, it was like I couldn't move but knew I neded to get to the bathroom, then the nurse called my name, I guess I got up but that is all I remember, until i was laying on a bed in the ER. Given blood and iron, and they set a date for surgery, again I praise the lord, he had a plan for me. Not the route I wanted but his route to greater things.I feel very weak in body, but strong in my heart. I dream of one day hugging the lord and shutting his praise. Thank you sisters.
Susan tonight my prayers wil be said for you and the need of health you have. The lord would never let a sole suffer due to medical insurance. Where is compassion and respect shown or the body. Prayer works! But don't forget to do your hard work to. Blessings sister d