Superwoman

I had the idea of checking into a hotel for 2 weeks post-op. Now I don't know if that's exactly safe, but you have room service, maid service, TV, phone. That is....if you absolutely refuse to have anyone in your home helping you. You could have visitors, and kick them out when you're tired.

(I'm only thinking about a hotel, because my mother thinks "laying around after surgery" is not an option)!

Hi,
I thought about that too! Oh well, I just went home!
Hum.. seems to me your mother has not had a major surgery that has had many internel stitches. If you donot "lay around" after surgery you may end up having another surgery! I did very little for the first 4 weeks. I have a very active family as well. When I went in for my post op check up I was complently healed inside and my incision was doing well too. It just had a few scabs that were not anything to be worried about. When you are discharged maybe your mother can be with you and ask the doctor to explain that you need to take it easy and why. I hope this helps. I have to admit that I did not tell my parents that I had surgery yet. My dad is a bully, who likes to be a big-shot! Long story.

Hugs!

Well my mother just came over to tell me not to go to a hotel, but a NURSING HOME after my surgery. (I thought if I mentioned my hotel idea, she might feel guilty enough to cave in and offer a little help.

She takes the cake. She sais she has her "social obligations". All I wanted was a bit of her time in the afternoons to entertain my 4 yr. old. He's my only child and we usually play together in the afternoons. There are no kids in our neighborhood. No cousins or kids in the family. Hmmm...I've got to come up with a plan.

Maybe going to a hotel would be a good idea. I am so sorry that your mother is unsupportive in this endeavor. Makes me feel even more blessed since my mom is actually flying from Indiana to Calfiornia to help out for a week, and I dont' even have children living with me. I wish I could loan her out to you for a while. You wouldn't live in Sacramento by any chance, she can do double duties..........

I wish you all the best in your plight.

How lovely! If I could afford it I would seriously have a maid or a nurse come to help. Too bad my cousin has to work. She's a nurse. My Mom doesn't want to fly down to SC from CT because she doesn't like to fly in the winter. I understand it is scary but this is major surgery here. I did not just up and decide to get my insides all chopped out for fun. Sorry for brutality of it. My sister is trying to talk my Mom into flying down with her but I don't know. If I am lucky at least I will have my sister here to help me with my to be 2 year old son (his birthday is on the 4th of January and my surgery is the 5th-oh boy!). What a vacation for her! Well, I sincerely wish you luck with your Mom and I hope that she soon realizes that she is hurting your feelings. Just let me call her and talk to her! I'll straighten the mess out! Hugs, Lori
[Edited by sshlah on 12-16-2000]

That is so sad. I have a mom who get's like that at the worst times too. The hyster will heal but I'm afraid the relationship between you and your mom will take a lot longer to heal. If you're needing some compassion, we're here for you. I wish we could help out with the rest. It's important that you go into this feeling positive so you have to try to see this as HER loss rather than yours and move on. There are a lot of mothers right here on these boards and we can get mothering from each other too. So deary, keep your feet up and don't get bent out of shape about this. Sending you big motherly hugs.

Okay, Kathy, you made me get teary eyed. I honestly don't know what I'd do without each and every one of you guys.

My mother has always been this way, but it still makes my jaw drop open with surprise sometimes. I just cannot imagine treating anyone this way, much less my own child! And I've been a "good" child too! lol.

She's had surgery before, and plenty of help, so I just don't get it. Many, many moons ago before I had come to any peace of mind about her, a therapist told me she is a narcissist (sp?) and if I would watch the movie "Mommie Dearest" I might get a better idea of her personality type.
It's comical to me now, that I'm older. But also emotionally painful with an event such as this surgery I'm facing. This Christmas I'm giving her satin covered closet hangers! (remember the scene in the movie NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!) ROFL.

She won't have any idea what they symbolize, it's more a gesture for me than for her.

I can certainly relate to kinda feeling like the odd man out when one of the folks charged with the duty of bringing you up in this world with love and support, HAS NO CLUE! But, thankfully WE DO! My Mum and I have a great relationship as long as we're thousands of miles apart. Put her in the same room with me and all my good sense, years of emotional growth, and all... fly right out the door.

With that said.... maybe it just might be a blessing in disguise that your mom can't do this with or for you. You will certainly need support around you and not someone to open up emotional wounds while you're trying to heal physical wounds. If we were to play "devil's advocate" for a moment, on behalf of you Mum.... maybe she just can't let herself cope with this kind of stuff.... like a lot of men can't. They seem to use their "control" mechanisms to help them survive. Letting go of that "control" means letting that which they fear (which usually isn't there anyway) come near.

So... see if you can do the hotel. See if there's any "in house" nursing assistance available to you. I think sometimes insurance even pays for it. I thought that I would be a feeble, bed ridden, basket case when I got home. Nope. I was able to get around,... just more slowly.

Be strong.... and know that it will all come together for you. We'll certainly have you in our prayers.

Hi Hysterical. I wanted to send you an e-mail but I was unable to get your email address through the boards. So here's my email: Kathster70@prodigy.net

Feel very free to use it. I've been where you're at. By the way, smiles through tears is my favorite emotion.

((((hugs)))) to you, Hysterical. I wonder who your mom thinks will (or won't) take care of her if she gets in a tough spot someday. Hmmmph. As Pat said, you're probably better off not having to deal with her while you're recovering.

One of the papers I had to fill out when I did my pre-op the other day had a lot of questions about what support you have at home, do you have kids, do you have a ride home, are you afraid of anyone in your household, etc. There was also a box to check about wanting to speak with a social worker. You might call the hospital where you'll be going and ask them where you can turn for help.

I have heard of people staying in hotels. Saw one on TV that specializes in housing people who've had surgery. Most of their guests are women who've had cosmetic surgery, and want to just hide out (from their hubbies, even) and get better. Very "hush hush" about the guest list.

I thought a cruise might be perfect. Shuffle around the decks, watch the scenary go by, everyone takes care of you... but if you did pop a stitch or something it would be hard to get to help quickly. So maybe the hotel is a better deal.