Feel like I'm losing my sanity (children mentioned)

I never had any tears before my surgery... it's as if I kept my feeling just far enough out of my thoughts to handle them. During the first two weeks after the surgery... still no tears. Always felt like I was on the edge of them.

I am very blessed with my two sons, but my dh and I had been planning on a third (my two are from prior relationships) which would be biologically his... luckily he loves my boys as his own. I think I'm okay with not being able to give him a child, but at the same time I feel like I have failed him. He tries so hard to reassure me that he IS okay with it.

Sigh. Then last night, I went to bed crying... and I mean sobbing. I don't even know why I was crying! I took the ambien my doc gave me to help me sleep (it worked the prior two nights) but it didn't work. I took the pain meds he gave me and it didn't even seem to touch the pain.

Now today.... I just feel about as down as I could ever feel. I can't seem to get my spirits up. I feel like crud. Tears are coming and going... no where near as bad as last night, but I can't seem to get over whatever it is that is bothering me.

Anyhow, I'm sorry for venting, but I just thought it might help me to figure out why the he** I'm so down in the dumps.

I hoe everyone else's day is going better than mine!

Desiree, I'm only a week out and have been the same way. Nothing went the way I had hoped. I'm feeling worse then I imagained. Sleep comes and goes and I'm sure that is adding to my emotions right now. I have felt lonely and forgotten about by my family and friends. The lack of support was something I had a feeling would happen but in my mind had hoped they would all surprise me.. but they didn't, they let us down. The ones that hurt the most are my 4 sisters, none of which have shown their faces and that is depressing. Out of all people I was expecting more from them. I wasn't planning any more children so I can only imagine what you are going through there but still the fact that I don't have that option anymore is a downer by itself. You know I'll still be thinking about you. I hope soon we are back in a position to make each other laugh again. You have been a great support for me and I greatly appreciate it. Maybe it is hormones, that is what I wam blaming and hope things level out and our moods return to theirselves soon. Huge hug!

Thanks Danielle! It is kinda odd that we both are down at the same time... since I've known you it's always been one or the other... kwim? If I was down you brought me up... if you were down I brought you up... hmmm guess we'll need some outside help this time

I haven't been depressed in such a long time... I just don't know how to deal with this. I hate this feeling.

I know what you mean about others letting you down... I thought I had more friends than I actually do... that in itself is depressing. On the other hand, my mom has surprised me... we have talked more lately than the last few years put together. I'm just wore out... physically and emotionally.

Here's to hoping you and I are back to our wacky, goofy selves soon. Miss ya. Great big hugs right back at ya!

Danielle - remember, you didn't cry for a long time. With me, there seems to be some radar in me that senses when it's safe to let things out and cry....

Kind of like - you stored extra water in the well, and it will take a bit to get it out.

I still get 'blah' - which is not as bad - and I think we sisters underestimate the shock the surgery has on us.

I wish you and your laughing buddy healing of spirit...and laughing soon.

I'm sorry that you girls are feeling this way. I'm (in my opinion) an emotional person, I can cry over the littlest things. But since my surgery I've only cried once. I figured I'd be a total nutcase. (LOL!)

I really don't have any magic words for you girls, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and sending Hugs. Hope that you feel better soon!

Desiree, I am right there with you on this one. I also have two boys from a previous marriage and while DH loves them as if they were his own I wanted to give him his biological child as well. He says it doesn't matter, that he has the boys and my health and that is what is important. I know the people in my life think my emotions stem from the surgery but the truth of it is I am genuinely greiving the loss of a child.

Leah

Leah,
My dh also tries to tell me that it doesn't matter... I know how he is concerned for my health, but I also know how much it hurts him too to not have his "own" child w/me. I totally know how you feel about grieving the loss of a child... many of us hystersisters are going through that.... the loss of the child we will now never have.

sending a big your way