Don't know what to do

Its me again.. not sure which post i am posting on getting lost here but went for 6 week post op doc said went another 3 weeks for intercourse husbad looks at doctor and said really doc said she still has some stiches and her aniexity level iis so high.. hubby turns arund and says but im not that big.. doctor almost fell over laughing and said i am not going to put this in chart. she never heard a man say that before.. yes my hubsand is getting impaient.. docctor said you need to be really gentle and terat her like a virgin.. then hubby said i dont want to hurt her.. anywyas just hving the internal it hurt be so bad.. then the next day i was cramping and inside i was hurtiung i am so scared to have intercourse with my hiusband and no he is no that big but i iam scared as hell.. he wanted to try last night i said no he wanted to try this moring i said no, he said how about fooling around i said no my heart starts beating fast then i start crying im scared.. is this normal.. im scared i am going to lose him. He has issues with porn in the computer he also has had an affair in the past. should i just do it and fake it and then cry afterwards.. i am really scared.. and then if it dosnet feel like it did beofre and if i dont get satisified i will be devasted. but if it hurts ooooooooooo i dont know what to do.. its my husband he should respect how i feel, BUT IF HAVIGN AN INTERNAL EXAM HURT ME ISNT HE GOING TO. this just sucks so bad. i want that intimacy i had with him back.

(((livestrong1168))), I'm sorry that your DH isn't being more understanding. Your doctor was clear in saying that you can't have intercourse for another three weeks and you have said "no" as well. You have to follow your doctor's orders or you run the risk of tearing and/or infection, setting your recovery back to the beginning. Make sure your DH understands that. If you feel up to it, you can take care of his needs without compromising your recovery. It's important that you put yourself and your recovery ahead of his needs.

Stand firm on this--you need this time to heal without complications. Show him this resource: Post-Op Intimacy.

I'm sending gentle

I agree with ms. April
Take care of yourself, you need to heal.
TK

my thoughts are with you

Some advice for you, dear. The more you think about it, the more anxious you will get about it.
This might be a little sensitive subject, but here goes....it will make you feel better if you take the equipment for a private test run before hubs gets to it. You know what I mean? Some personal time so you can try it out and see what hurts and what does not.
It really helped me with my anxiety and then it went so well with hubs!
I was so afraid my gear wouldn't work anymore. But when it did, it was pretty darn good!
So look forward to it and calm yourself down! Try not to freak out.

I see you had your the same time i had mine i had mine the 13th when did you have the ok and when you had the ok was it the same with hubby.. and were you stilll satisified were you able to have the big O wiithout a cervix and uterus and did it hurt. Did it feel empty.. so many questions.. so anxious.. even afraid to try it on my own.. i know silly. just scared.

alisa

I'm 5 1/2 weeks post-op from a hysterectomy and vestibule lesion removal (right at the opening of the vagina) and I'm scared too. I went thru 2 pregnancies and don't remember feeling scared at all! I did a test run last night with a vibrator and it hurt to have 1 inch in!!...Sorry if TMI! Fortunately, my boyfriend is very patient, but he's also very anxious to resume intimacy also. His b-day is next week, day after my 6 week pre-op date and I know he wants it BAD and so do I.

I have a dr appt at noon today....I'll let you know what she says.

I hope your hubby is understanding! Your health is important and he could end up having to wait even longer if you don't heal correctly.

Ok, I am very empathetic about the worries re: intercourse. As a single woman, I'm concerned as well -- and you can see my prior posting about having to get over the first hump (with somebody completely new!).

I appreciate this advice to take care of yourself but, um, at the risk of offfending anybody's sensibilities, I'd suggest that your HUSBAND take care of himself (with or without porn)!!

Can anybody on here possibly imagine a man having prostate surgery and his wife harrassing him to HURRY UP AND GET IT UP?

In the meantime, hang in there.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I still have a ways to wait, right now I only have half a vagina, and have to wait for the upper reconstruction. I wish your DH was more understanding/patient. I guess I am really fortunate it has been 13 weeks since I've been intimate and my SO understands that right at the moment it probably will have to wait until Mid to late Novemeber. I've offered to be intimate in other ways but he refuses and says it doesn't seem fair. But, I got a good laugh at what your DH said about he is small and doesn't think he would hurt you. LOL. That was priceless. Maybe he is being a little hard on himself. (Sorry, no pun intended).

Just got back from my follow-up and I have to wait 2 more weeks for any sexual activity. My stitches are not completely healed and the dr advised that I could bleed and cause more damage. Thankfully my BF is patient and caring. I called him with the news and he said he "went without" longer than this when he was married to his ex! LOL

Crazy thing she told me.....she's had patients that have attempted to have sex while still recovery at the hospital days after surgery!!!!!

Your doctor has told you to wait & you are not ready. Please do not let your hubby pressure you into doing anything you are not ready for. You only have this one chance to heal correctly & you do not want to mess that up. I waited until 11 weeks because I was not ready & I am soooo glad that I waited. Nothing is going to happen if he doesn't get sex right now.