What can i do for my hubby? what have you done for the one who took care of you?

Hello Sisters!

I am 4 weeks post op today! YEAH!
i did run into complications and i was brought in for a second surgery yesterday...no biggie, i can handle it...

But my sweetie whom has been there from the begining of it all is getting worn out, its not like he complains, he is amazing, he gets mad at me if i try to help or if i over do it...he is just wonderful...

But the past few days I have noticed that he just isnt all there anymore, he is tired and he has been getting short with everything...

i am not demanding, on the contrary i try to do what i can - i even made dinner tonight, without burning it...

I do know that i have done everything to make sure he is satisfied and that he knows what he means to me and that i am so greatfull for all he has done to help me recover..

I am just worried and i want him to be happy...

so here is what i am asking...

what have you done? little surprises? littlest suggestions, actions, i have given him massages and i have given him the day off and he still wont take it.

give me humor, give me stories give me mistakes i will take them all i will try them all...

I just want to make him happy...

i am worried because i am scheduled for one more surgery and i want to make sure he is going to be ok.

I know its a long request, but please share with me what you have done for the ones taking care of you...

even if it is simple or if is/was elaborate

Thank you sisters!

Jabs

I went to my local massage therapist and bought my DBF a full body massage with aromatherapy and hot stones. He loved it!!! and it helped him to relax if only for a few days.
He wasn't stressed out about taking care of me - he was stressed out about how I was feeling and if I was hurting, if I needed anything. He has been absolutely wonderful through the whole process so I wanted to do something for him to make him feel better.
He said that it was one of the most thoughtful things anyone had ever done for him!!! It made me feel good that I could make his day.
Hope that you get some good ideas.

WOW! What a great idea. Grateful as I am, I really hadn't thought about doing something special to say thank you for all my DH has done.

He keeps saying how much he is enjoying our time together, even if this is the only way we can get 6 uninterrupted weeks together! What I have been doing is making sure I tell him how much I love him and appreciate all he's doing. I also do little things which Im able to do that I know are important to him, like getting the coffee ready the night before so he can just flick the switch when he gets up. Ill have to think on this one and let you know if I come up with anything special!

Well what I nice thought....My DH has been wonderful as well. I am pleasantly surprised at just how wonderful. Today I bought him some Memorabllia for his favorite football team. This is a big deal because I'm a huge football fan and my fav team and his are arch rivals.......Therefor I always said I didn't want any of his crappy team stuff in my house and if I found it I would never dust it....

Well today I broke my own rule....Not only will he have something so special to him. He will know just how much I hate it but wanted him to have it just to make him happy. Someday....I might even dust it....

Glad others are thinking about taking care of those who are taking care of them.

It sounds like your husband is a lot like mine. I tried many times to give my DH time off, and he refused. Actually got upset for me suggesting it.

I also made sure my DH was hearing many times a day how wonderful he was. I also made sure he heard me telling my friends how wonderful he was and how much I loved him. He would just beam when he heard me telling my friends.

He loves you and part of his stress is seeing you not feel well and the only thing he can do is what he is doing. Husbands want to make us feel all better, and they can't always.

Doing nice things for him like the massage, is great, but don't expect him to not be stressed until you are all better.

My DH became a little frazzled toward the end of my six weeks, and I believe yours has probably reached this point. Tell me: Is he the most reliable man you ever met? Is he capable of juggling the house, the kids, his job? Does he feel like he's just doing what needs to be done? If so, congratulations, you're married to my DH's twin! And, sister, he's a keeper! Mine would get upset if I tried to say thank you, or tell him how much I appreciated what he'd done for me. It bothered him, because in his opinion, he was doing what he was supposed to be doing! He has always been one who helped around the house, and played with our DD's, so for me to thank him just seemed to wear on his nerves. So, I'm going to agree with Fantasy Goddess, but in a different way: I sent my husband to the Richard Petty Driving Experience. He is very into racing of any kind, but Nascar really cranks his tractor. It was a full weekend, and he had the time of his life! I say, expound on whatever interests he has, and find a small way to turn it into a big gesture. Whew! Sorry, that was long!
Vanessa

Vanessa, it sounds like you're married to my hubby's twin! Except if I were to try and send him away for a weekend alone he'd get REALLY upset. He values our time together too much to spend the weekend apart (he's told me this on numerous occasions when I've suggested he go somewhere without me)

When I try to thank him for all he's done for me he simply says, "You thank me enough by being you and loving me"

*sniff* now I'm getting teary eyed...

I was able to thank my DH for all that he has done for me, I got him a golf package, he is really into golf (although I'm not) he was able to spend the day doing something that he loved, and I was happy to see him enjoy himself, I also had a pedicure and manicure booked for when he came home, he really liked it, so he had a full day of a sport that he adores, and some pampering to top it off.

Hope this helps
snickers

I asked DH this past weekend - and what he told me was that the day to day stuff that I do is what he needs - just being there and being a 'support' for him - being level headed and pointing out the other side of things.

Over the years, both of us have learned that it's not the "big things" but the consistency in the "small things" that have kept us together.

What I would recommend - is to sit him down and just say 'thank you' - listing the stuff he has done and letting him know that you acknowledge and appreciate all of it.

Jabs and all of the Sisters who have replyed, Thank You!

I've enjoyed reading this thread...it's a real morning brightener.

One thing I've worked hard to do, and last night my husband told me that he appreciated, was to tell him what I wanted done. Except for one cranky Saturday nearly two weeks ago, I tell him if I want a chore done; for ex., please mop the kitchen floor. DH doesn't like it when I expect him to see what I see or to read my mind...

I love the massage idea. I think I'll arrange for a twofer....have someone come to the house to do both of us.

I had my four week check-up yesterday. Last night my husband and I went out to dinner together for the first time. We had a wonderful time! He really enjoyed having my company for a bit over and hour. No phone, no messy house, just us chatting about the day.

The last thing I want to mention is my use of humor. DH and I have found something to share a smile, or even a laugh, about every day. No matter how tired and sore I've been....there is always a wisecrack to be found.