Preparing the Hubby

I'm a new member, but have been lurking the boards for the better part of a week now. I can't begin to tell you all how much you have helped me! I'm scheduled for Nov. 12 to have my uterus and cervix removed, and possibly my right ovary (ultrasound showed a cyst).

Here's my silly question. For those of you with hubbys/boyfriends, how are they handling this whole thing? I must tell you that I am truly blessed with the most wonderful husband in the world. He really hasn't said much other than he's so happy that I have this chance to finally live without so much pain and misery...and he wants to see me happy and pain free. My hubby (like most men, I imagine), doesn't really talk about "feelings"...you know what I mean! The only thing that he is sort of "afraid of" is the aftercare. My hubby doesn't have a clue how to cook (except throwing a lean cuisine into the microwave!), and I've NEVER let him touch the laundry (for good reason!). He's very worried about taking care of me. Are any of you going thru this as well?

Hi MichelleB..
I to had "EVERYTHING" removed, I had a tah on Aug 22nd I also had Cervical Cancer ....
I have been with my D/H for 2 years, married 1 year last Aug 23 I had my tah the day before our 1st Wedding Anniversary (Bummer) I married the most kindest, sweetest, loveing, careing man alive. He was so scared when, he found out I had Cervical Cancer and needed a hysterectomy. He was there for me, when I needed a shoulder to lean and cry on. But he found the strength to keep my spirits up. My mom lives here, but my D/H Don wanted to take care of me, after surgery. He had everything planned to the T. He spent some time on the Intenet reading, and going to each and every Dr. Appt I had. Asking the Dr's questions, he wanted answers to. He was there to take me to ER after, he put a hard days work in. He didn't ever complain about anything, I asked him to do for me. He knows some what how to cook, at least BQ He made sure I had everything, within reach when he left for work each morning. He called me a few times a day, and was home for lunch everyday to check on me. And made sure I got all of my medications down, before he went back to work. Blessed ((YES)) very much so .... He is my Best Friend - My Husband - and my Lover I am going on 7 weeks now, and this man still to this day, watches out for me .. What a guy!!
Enjoli

~*Mary B*~

I'm sure he will be just fine. You may however sit by the washer on a chair and supervise the sorting, detergent and selection of water temp and cycles for the laundry, I certainly do...LOL.....don't wanna have to shop for all new clothes when I am up and around again! I also caught a sale on Lean Cuisine and I will be eating good, DH and DS will have to fend for themselves! LOL About preparing him for surgery, it was slow going. I bought several books on hysterectomy, including the Hyster sisters book, The Woman's Guide to Hysterectomy by Adelaide Haas & Susan Puretz, and Hysterectomy by Suzie Hayman. Of course I didn't get DH to actually read them, but when he showed interest I did show him the diagrams, pictures and charts which helped him better understand the operation and what parts would be removed. Men do not want to admit they know nothing about the insides of their wives bodies, but he absorbed whatever I showed him so that he would be able to understand the DR when he came to tell him how the operation went. He was acting like it was no big thing, but very supportive while my surgery kept getting delayed on the day I went to the hospital. But when they pushed me off the elevator after the operation and he saw I was in pain, He totally fell apart! My Mom just told me this yesterday, I don't remember much of that part. She said she had never seen a man cry like that, (only the 2nd time in the 18 years we have been together that I have known him to cry at all!, the 1st was when his Mom died) she said it was like he actually felt the pain I was in! Evidently it hit him just then what I had been thru and the recovery to come. Well he has been just wonderful, if a lil over-protective since, I can't fart without him knowing it.....and congratulating me on it! He read my post-op recovery list and makes me drink lots and take short walks so that I can like a good lil princess! Hope this helps you! Take care, 's

My DH has already gone through having 2 women in his life have this surgery, his mother, and his first wife, but he tells me this is different. He read the information I brought home from the Dr & I'm sure he's already gone on the web for more research as he's very methodical. Seeing me in pain will be his downfall, but he'll not show it in front of me.

Since he already does 95% of the cooking (stress reliever from his job), I'm worried about gaining more weight. But....I won't let him do the laundry either. Good idea about the chair & watching.

I guess you can only do so much to prepare them, and they can take it from there if they want more. Everyone reponds differently to surgery and to healing, even between operations, and you have to take it as it comes, IMHO. Knowledge is power. Armed with facts, and past experiences of others will help prepare you and you can help him.
Sorry for the rambling I'm getting nervous. Pre-op is today.

Welcome MichelleB!!!
My surgery is also Nov, 12 - the countdown has started!! My DH is a pretty thoughtful guy, but I've had to direct him on what I wanted, not him. He first wanted to ship out a friend to stay with us while I was recuperating & I told him I didn't want someone here 27/7. I've set up daily visits with my friends here (we moved from CT to CA 2 years ago.) Then he wanted to hire a housekeeper and I had to tell him we'd be fine! There's just the 2 of us and things can't get that bad for the time I'm off my feet. He said after working all week he doesn't want to have to do housework. Of course, I GENTLY reminded him that I work all week and manage to maintain our home & he can handle it temporarily!
He's in his fifties and is old fashioned & set in his ways, but I couldn't ask for a sweeter mate. I have confidence that he'll be just fine when the time actually comes.
Do you think they have the same fears and doubts and are unsure of the future the same as us?? Maybe we should start a Hyster-Mister site for them to talk to each other the way we do!!!
Good luck,
Pam

Hello ladies,

I would also advise you NOT to be afraid or timid about asking for help from your DH, especially with getting up and down the stairs, or for water or a book to read, etc.

We've been preparing them to assist us after our surgery and they do want to help, bless their hearts, so go ahead and make sure they feel useful.

I had a short list of items for my DH to do for me before he left the house after he went back to work. We have 3 flights of stairs and I asked him to bring laundry baskets up and down the stairs when I was able to start doing laundry. I also asked him to help me set up my recovery area each day.

Then when he was home from work I would ask him to bring me food and drinks if I forgot something after sitting down or making a trip up or down the stairs. Or to get me my medicine so he would know that I was in pain or needed a nap.

Don't be superwoman. Your DH loves you and wants you to recover with his help. You have got to make him a part of your recovery in order to get through this together. I am now 6 weeks post op and my DH and I got on spendidly.

Good luck to all of you LIW. See you on the other side.

I also go in on Nov.12th. Not too far away! As far as my DH helping out, he has been wonderful. We have always had an agreement - he does the outside work (cars, lawn, etc...) and I do the inside. He cooks and cleans while I am at work 2 days a week and he also mops the floor every night while I clear the table. Lucky me!!! As far as the laundry, that has always been my job. Here is my plan though...I am going to post notes in the laundry room. Whites in hot, colors in cold, etc...use this much detergent, this much bleach and so on. Thank you to the inventor of post-it notes! My 8yr old DD even told me that after school she will help clean the house and load the dishwasher. I just plan on leaving little notes here and there and everything should be fine. Try it!!!

Thanks everyone for your replys!

Lovin'AZ, it sounds like you and your hubby have the same kind of arrangement we do, except mine can't cook! I think I'm gonna just start cooking/freezing like a madwoman before my date!!!

I think John (DH) will be able to be with me for the day of surgery and then probably the next 3 or 4 days. He's a pilot, and has to bid his schedule every month, so we won't know till later this month which days he will actually be able to get off. My mom and dad are going to come here from Florida during the time John can't be here. God, I hope they don't stress me out!

I know where you all are coming from.my dh and I have been living together for a year and married for 4 months,he was single for 10yrs before we got together.So he knows how to keep a house clean and do laundry,pay the bills..he can cook somewhat,and do the wash some what,however its not the way that i would like it..So i do like the idea of the post its cause I can tell my dh something and an hour later he will say i dont remember that...so if itsin writing he cant say i didnt tell him LOL!!!...He can do the laundry,but i dont like how he folds it and it gets under my skin so i will make sure that the house is clean,laundry is done,(which will only last a few days) LOL!!,and also with the meals since he will only be home for that w/e and the kids will be home on thanksgiving vacation i will plan meals ahead..make a couple of pots of soup/chili and freeze it,get easy meals the homebakes,hotdogs etc..things that can be done in a few short steps or done in the microwave,alos if you have older kids that helps as well.so my 13yr son already knows and will be reminded that he will have to watch his 6yr sister and help around the house take the trash out,do the dishes put wash away..and he will reminded many times before nov 19th.

also I had a cone biopsy weds oct 8th and my dh was great with me and he took it like a man would ,really didnt express much,but when they let him back in my room and he saw me there he gave me a hug and cried.I told him that i am ok and i will be ok after this and its something that he knows will be better for us in the long run.So i would say get a game plan set up use the post its to back it up and know that everything will be ok and the simple things can and will be taking care of even if it isnt up to our standards and can be fixed later..i love the idea of the hyster mister idea as well...gotta teach dh how to use the internet first LOL!!!