DH stressed!!!!

My DH is a wonderful man, very kind and compassionate, but not known for his ability to deal with stressful situations. My family actually jokes about it. I've actually asked him several times if he thinks I should cancel the surgery because he's so stressed.

I can't even get my in-laws to stay in the state and help him. They are traveling half way across the country twice during my surgery/recovery and their son is having major stress and anxiety. So they raise him to not be able to handle things, and I'm spending vast time comforting him while I should be thinking about me and making plans for my recovery.

Has anyone else come across the same thing?? Does he think he has to be perfect??? I need a little understanding. Tonight we argued about his lack of time off during my surgery/recovery. He made no plans to be off the day of surgery, he'll take a half day the next day. But that's it. I think he took more time off for our dog when he had surgery earlier this year.

A little light on this subject would be most helpful - just under 10 days to go!!!!

HI, Karen!
Thanks for sharing with us!
You are definitely going to need your DH in this with you..much more than a half day or a day and a half. Is your DH planning to be home when you come home from the hospital?
I had real concerns involving DH and recovery scene - my doctor was WONDERUFL with this and spoke to my husband about the care I would need with recovery. The doctor made no idle chat about the importance in all of this. My DH was there the whole day of surgery (even though they do spend a considerable amount of time alone - waiting) but he was most definitely there when I came back to my room. He also worked the next 3 days I was in the hospital - there was no sense in him sitting around and I was well cared for in the PALACE. My surgery was Monday, he was off on Friday, the full weekend, and a few days the following week. He was WONDERFUL! I truly believe this was helped by the chat with the doctor.
This is a time for you!!!! Yes, he may be stressed because he is concerned about you but you have to focus on yourself here - TRUST ME! Keep in touch with us!
Blessings to you!
AMF

TAH 7/19/04 - kept ovaries - adenomyosis, fibroid, heavy bleeding
FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

Take the poor guy to the doctor and have him treated for stress and anxiety. Maybe they'll give him an antidepressant. Anything to calm him now and later. This can't be healthy for him, and YOU need to rest and take care of yourself. Take care of him now so that he can take care of himself later when you can't.

Hi, Karen.

Don't know whether your DH has been there yet, but if not, have him take a look at www.misterhystersisters.com.

There isn't much written about it here, and it's not very extensive, but there is a lot of good information there for DH's who have needs of their own. Granted, ours are the more critical needs now, but this has to be traumatic for them as well.

My husband is a Brit who was raised with a little bit of the "stiff upper lip" attitude, but he started at the companion site, then read the MisterHysterSister book which I bought. Since then, he has been supportive and compassionate for this entire six-week waiting period.... a period which will come to an end on Wednesday morning when I enter the Castle!!!

I have no way of knowing how my DH would have been if we had not had the resources mentioned above, but I am really glad they were available to us. Maybe they can help you, too.

Best wishes to you both.
Take care and be well.
s,
Carrie

Hi Karen
Don't stress yourself out with his stress. You don't need to add to your own. I knew my man was not going to handle it well. He went stone cold silent when he heard about the surgery. I only had 5 days to plan. And plan I did. He did take the day off to come to the hospital with me, but his comfort level was way off. I was reassuring him as they were wheeling me into surgery. But if you know all these things you can prepare better.
Do you have family or friends you can rely on? My girlfriends and sister jumped in and took over. I told them that he wasn't going to be able to handle it and he also has that stiff upper lip attitude about sickness, push through the pain and all that. But because he already has enough pressure on him with everyday work stresses I did not want to add to it. One of my friends actually got all her friends to each make a dish for us for dinner each nite. (you can also do this ahead of time)
I was alone my first full day after surgery and I wanted it that way. I felt like crap and I looked like it too. And I was pretty sick of having my naps interupted in the hospital and reassuring my visitors that I was fine.
If you are going to spend anytime alone ask your friends not call, pick one person who is going to check in with you and keep your cell phone on you.
My 1st 3 days at home my phone never stopped ringing, and I didn't dare turn it off or they would all think I keeled over.
I know this sounds like I'm complaining about too many friends believe me I'm not. Everyone of them helped me thru this, and I love them for it. But you are going to need to rest.
As far as hubby goes, cut him some slack, not everyone is able to cope with sickness and change and it doesn't necesarily mean he needs counseling or drugs it just means your stronger than he is. But you knew that didn't you???
I hope all goes well with your surgery and remember concentrate on you, who know you may come home from the hospital to find him your willing nursemaid, (but don't count on it)!
Peace & wellness!!
Sharon

Kelkal,

My DH is now home asleep because he is "Sick". All my family said he would get sick because he can't handle someone else being sick. He is a wonderful husband, but anytime something happens to one of us, he has something happen to him. Now I just laugh, but when we were younger it drove me CRAZY! I know exactly what you are talking about.