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Help - my mom is making me panic! Help - my mom is making me panic!

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  #1  
Unread 06-16-2017, 08:58 AM
Help - my mom is making me panic!

Help! I was diagnosed with fibroids by my first gyno in December and I have been TERRIFIED about the risk of cancer ever since - I switched gyno dr's to a new one who said I should have a hysterectomy and I should have it with a minimally invasive gyno at a major New England hospital..

I met with him last week - I'm not sure if I am going with him or another dr I'm scheduling an appmt with, but either way I thought I had made a decision - he said with my age (33) and history - heavy bleeding but not outside of my period - as well as blood work, a CT done at the end of April and an ultrasound report from the end of Nov that he wasn't worried about cancer - I still am so I'm not sure how I felt about that (I emailed him today with more of my concerns) - I'll be hopefully meeting with the other dr soon and sending him all my films -

And then came the email from my mom - it started with saying that she can't understand why I'm even thinking about surgery because my symptoms don't seem that sever to her - then she went on to describe all the horrors of birth control that only her mother (a nurse in the 50's/60's) knew about (all things that are written on the back of the package...) then she started describing IUDs as nothing but internal torture devices and someday we'll all find out that all this birth control stuff was nothing but a system of torture put in place to subjugate women .... And of course she then had to say "I knew a girl who died at 20 from a blood clot because of birth control"

I have already told her that the dr's have put me in birth control to help with the heavy bleeding... Thank mom #1

Then she went on about cancer - she had apparently an endometrial stromal sarcoma (I think that's it) less than 5 years after breast cancer

The whole second half of her email went on about how it's a genetic cancer so I orobably have it and if I have a laproscopic surgery with the hospital in question it will probably spread and then I will die - and here is the 4 year old article horror story to prove it...

There have been a few more emails since then, including the latest in reliable info ... From the dr oz tv show - I refuse to read anymore emails from here because I spent the whole **** day after the last one in tears and I am still in a panic - but I can't help but wondering if there is something worth reading in it - tho the odds are against it

As a final kick in the face, she went on about th horrors of pharma companies, how they are nothin but liars, and they don't make any meds to help people - we'll all find out someday that they were just poisoning us all - SHE pushed me to get a degree to work in pharma which I did for several years - my husband works in pharma and is very passionate about the work he does - but yet again, everything we care about is ****....

Now, I know this is the same woman that told me a few years ago that I would die if I traveled alone in Europe because I didn't have my husband to protect me - and spent my childhood yelling at the end of every argument "I could have died from cancer - how would you have felt then!" - scarring - and possibly a lot of mental abuse that I have never dealt with - I'm crying just thinking about it...

I don't know how to deal with this - I am terrified that it is cancer and I've thought that since the beginning - mostly due to my talent of freaking out - now she is sending me every **** thing she can to make it so much worse - I have been dealing with anxiety for 2 years now - convinced I was going to die for who knows what reason - thank whoever for acupuncture! - then I have been worried about dying from surgery because of my allergies and asthma - and worried about it because of cancer - all of this rather ironic because I had been so suicidal for so long -

I can't take her crap - I can't take the constant panic that this has caused since Tuesday - I just want to know I'm ok and I don't know how to go about doing that -

My asthma dr wants me to wait on surgery until my asthma is controlled again, post pollen season - I've been dealing with asthma symptoms for years that have only been treated since seeing this dr in January so this is all new to me and just another layer of panic - luckily these dr's are my favorite of all I see

I don't know if there are any tests I should be insisting I have - I've had an ultrasound, 2 CTs for pelvic pain where they found an ovarian cyst in the second - but no one told me - I found out about it when I printed it out.. What else should I do? Who else do I talk to? Am I just crazy? How do I get past this panic that my mom wants me to wallow in and live again? Help
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  #2  
Unread 06-16-2017, 09:49 AM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

What are you using for e-mail software? I use MS Outlook and I can set filters to route e-mails from specific addresses directly to the Trash folder. When I empty the Trash folder, bye-bye e-mail. :-) Does your e-mail software offer something similar?

Another option would be your anti-virus software. Some types allow you to "black-list" specific e-mail addresses. You never even see the e-mail.

Just because someone is your parent doesn't mean they can't be a nasty, destructive human being. I cut communication with my father almost three decades ago because of this.

You *should* notify your doctor about your mother having breast cancer and endometrial stromal sarcoma because this *does* affect your own cancer risks. Given these factors, you may want to consult with a gynecological oncologist and even possibly have the gyn onc do the surgery. ESS is rare, but it tends to affect women at younger ages than the more common endometrial adenocarcinoma. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3385272/
Your gyn's comments as to why he thinks you don't have cancer sound to me as if he's only thinking of adenocarcinoma. A gyn onc would have more knowledge.

Cancer does not mean death. We have women on this forum who've had ESS and lived to tell the tale. :-) So you don't need to be panicked, but you *do* need to be informed and to make sure your doctors are also informed.
  #3  
Unread 06-16-2017, 02:33 PM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

Tricinala, your mother is ill-informed about many things.

Fibroids do not mean cancer. In fact, fibroids very rarely become malignant. A competent physician would not recommend a hysterectomy on the basis of fibroids alone.

And IUDs are "internal torture devices"? Please, what is this woman smoking? I used IUDs for decades and I can assure you they are not.
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  #4  
Unread 06-16-2017, 02:44 PM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Tricinala View Post
...Now, I know this is the same woman that told me a few years ago that I would die if I traveled alone in Europe because I didn't have my husband to protect me...
This was my "favourite" bit of lunacy. I did several short trips in Europe (on my own) in my late 20s. When I was 31, I quit my job to spend an entire year travelling there. Now mind, I'd been on my own since I was 17. My father, who couldn't be bothered to pay attention to me when I was a kid, freaked out and demanded a "detailed itinerary." Yeah, forget that!

I bought a youth hostel membership and a one-way plane ticket, went over for a year and had a great time. :-)
  #5  
Unread 06-16-2017, 06:02 PM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

I don't believe that I would be accepting your mother's "expert advice". I am right there with the comments above. I would certainly let your doctor know about family history and follow through with what your Doctor (and second opinion) feels is needed. You are the best advocate for yourself.

Your mother sounds to me like she also needs to see a Doctor. I would go with a mental health expert. I would NOT be sharing anymore information with her. I have to agree that I would not be accepting anymore of her e-mails either.

I will say a prayer for you...one that will help you find answers and help you find your inner strength!
  #6  
Unread 06-17-2017, 06:39 AM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

Thanks everyone - I'm glad I'm not crazy for getting upset about this - I sent her a message saying she has to stop - and I'm not checking my emails at all until after the weekend at least - I emailed the first surgeon I saw with some follow-up questions and family history and I'm working on setting up a second opinion with another surgeon - I have an appmt with my ob/gyn too at the end of July - I'm done trying to figure out my mom's weird rants

Unfortunately that hasn't fixed the damage done - I am still in a stressed panic - I keep looking at my husband and then getting scared that something with happen to me - I guess I always feel like something bad will happen when things are going well - ugh - my blood pressure is high and my heart is high and the stress is UGH!

I was thinking this morning maybe I should go and talk to someone - that's a big hurdle for me to get over too :P
  #7  
Unread 06-17-2017, 07:02 AM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Tricinala View Post
...I was thinking this morning maybe I should go and talk to someone - that's a big hurdle for me to get over too :P
That's a really good idea. Your mother's been doing a number on you since you were born. It makes complete sense that some assistance in getting the inside of your head sorted out would be useful.
  #8  
Unread 06-17-2017, 11:15 AM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by SurprisedInNB View Post
That's a really good idea. Your mother's been doing a number on you since you were born. It makes complete sense that some assistance in getting the inside of your head sorted out would be useful.

I completely agree. There are even mental health professionals who specialize in helping women with female medical issues; at least in my area. I'm not saying you need that specific support - but if it's available to you in might help to have a therapist who is familiar with the medical issues going on.

But ultimately the biggest issue is the destructive comments by your mother. Whether she is doing these things out of malice or because she herself needs help doesn't matter. You need another tool in your toolbox leading you to better health - both physical AND mental.

Good luck - post often!
  #9  
Unread 06-17-2017, 01:36 PM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

From time to time in my life I've gone through experiences that seemed to tear open old wounds in my psyche. It's never fun at the time, but I've often found that this gives me a chance to start doing the psychological work I need to do to help those wounds start to heal more soundly and completely.

This surgery could be your chance to re-examine your relationship with your mother and to start working on healing some of the psychological damage she's done to you over the years.
  #10  
Unread 06-17-2017, 03:41 PM
Re: Help - my mom is making me panic!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Tricinala View Post
Thanks everyone - I'm glad I'm not crazy for getting upset about this - I sent her a message saying she has to stop - and I'm not checking my emails at all until after the weekend at least - I emailed the first surgeon I saw with some follow-up questions and family history and I'm working on setting up a second opinion with another surgeon - I have an appmt with my ob/gyn too at the end of July - I'm done trying to figure out my mom's weird rants

Unfortunately that hasn't fixed the damage done - I am still in a stressed panic - I keep looking at my husband and then getting scared that something with happen to me - I guess I always feel like something bad will happen when things are going well - ugh - my blood pressure is high and my heart is high and the stress is UGH!

I was thinking this morning maybe I should go and talk to someone - that's a big hurdle for me to get over too :P
You are NOT crazy! You take care of yourself. Sounds like you have came up with a great game plan! You are number 1 here. I will say prayers for you! You will be great!
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