How do you tell the little ones?

I haven't told my kids yet that mommy has to have surgery. My son is 7 and my daughter 3. My son is a worrier. We spend little time apart and they will stay the night with someone in the family. I want to keep it basic. But then how do I explain that I can't get up and make pancakes before breakfast on Monday or that they have to be careful with my stomach and all the other things I don't know about yet. I am feeling very overwhelmed tonight. This sucks.

I have 6 year old twins, and have been very upfront with them about what to expect after my surgery. We've practiced ways that are "safe" for them to touch and hug me, and talked about how there are some things I won't be able to do with them for a while. I've told them that I will be able to read them stories, and I'd love it if they would read to me. My kids also love singing and dancing and putting in shows, so I'm betting I'll be entertained! Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation. My boys are almost 2 and almost 4. I asked their pediatrician if she had any advice on how to handle it and she said to just keep it simple: mommy has to go to the hospital so she can feel better. she has an ouchie so please no climbing but I love you and I really like hugs. And enlist others to help, distract, and keep them occupied. I also have found in other situations that giving them jobs to do really helps. Frankly they know I haven't been feeling well (at least the older one) so they already have some experience with that.

I'm also planning on talking to their teachers since they are in daycare a couple days a week. They may have some advice since they work with that age group a lot, but they can also keep an eye out and reassure them if they are worried or out of sorts.

Hopefully others who have been through it will also respond, but your post caught my attention since I've been figuring out the same thing. Good luck!

I will remember the safe touch thing.

What about having dolls or stuffed animals act things out? Esp the mommy comes back part! I thought my 4 year old took it all as well as could be expected ... Until he got really upset when I went for my 1st post-op! One thing he did love was having tangible ways to help, like getting my throw blanket (fairies, compliments of himself!) and pillow pet. I think having something to do gives them a sense of control.

My ds was 3 years old when I had my surgery. (DD was 16 at the time, so she understood everything.) I just told him that I had to have an operation and that my tummy would be very sore for a while.

He also understood I wouldn't be able to lift him or do much with him for several weeks after surgery.

One thing that really helped was that we got a DVD player for the TV in my "recovery room" (which in my case was the living room) and that way I was able to snuggle with my son and watch movies. We also got a couple of new "special toys" he could play with only in that area. That way he had something to look forward to and he had something to do while he was with me. My son was really into farms at that time, so we found a barn set with animals. He loved it, and it was good for lots of quiet playtime -- even I could help him set it up on the coffee table by my couch.

I have a one and three year old so explaining wasn't always easy but they will have some understanding.

I picked up a couple books from the library about going to the doctor and bought the book "Going to the Hospital." even though it is about a child going hubs and I just changed the words so it was Mommy is going. For young children it made it easier to understand when they had some pictures to help.

We did a lot of "inside mommy's tummy hurts and so the doctor is going to help make it better." I am a firm believer in using the real terminology like hospital, surgery, etc. and not coming up with fluffy euphamisims to try and make a child feel better, it doesn't. I didn't say hysterectomy or such b/c that is beyond what they need to know right now. I have found that by our three year old knowing I had surgery I can say "Remember why mommy can't pick you up?" Kiddo's reply "Surgery" and she doesn't get upset or anything.

I like the safe touching idea too, that's a good one! What I did after being home for a day or two when my little one wasn't understanding I showed her my incision sites. I didn't scare her and she got a very good idea of why mommy was hurting.

We spend lots of time cuddling and she loves to help me with blankets, getting the remote, watching a movie with me, etc. Even our baby has a little understanding in that she will remember that mama can't pick her up and she will crawl to dada, but will cuddle with me and kiss me, etc.

Kid are very intuitive and realize that mommy doesn't feel well. Just let them help and they will feel like a superhero!

Hi, I showed my 3 year old my tummy after and the plasters .. Told him to be gentle and showed him how to touch my tummy and that he needed to sit beside me (not on me) .. He was fine after that .. Always wanted to see the plasters and always gentle .. His version of it was 'mum went to hospital to get her poo out' .. Don't ask me how he came up with this .. Might be that he was constipated before .. He is a big strong and active boy and I was worried but he was absolutely fine .. They adjust .. With the older kids I was fairly open and told them I would be very sick but I would get better.

I have a 4 year old and 8 year old. My 4 year old is normally attached to mommy at the hip though. I have already begun talking about my upcoming surgery to him on a regular basis. Like if we are playing and he gets to climbing on me..i remind him that in a few weeks when mommy has surgery he wont be able to do that. Or when he wants me to carry him or something.
I also plan on showing him my belly after the surgery, visual things tend to really hit home with him..and I think that will be the key is for him to see my ouchies and know that is why he has to be super careful!Now getting my cat to not climb on me at night is going to be the tricky part!

Hi I am a single parent to a 5 year old. She is well ahead in language and has been keen on playing doctors or hospitals since I got her a little medical kit at 2. I have always given her proper words and tried to give her real first aid information in her play. I figured it could only help if she learnt some things early. She also knows she was a c-section so I had explained that to her before. And only a few months ago she was in hospital herself to get her tonsils out and an emergency admission 2 weeks later. She had the kids hospital books too. So I guess she was better prepared than most when I explained my operation to her and straight away got me to lie on sofa while she brought a mask and asked what flavour gas I would like. And I realised that she has had to cope with a mum having bad days lying on the couch in pain many times over past two years.

I also recommend setting it up so your kids can get themselves drinks and snacks, at least the older one helping the younger so you don't have to be jumping up every time. My daughter was wildly excited at being allowed to go on her first sleepover with her cousin. It was something she has wanted to do for a while. She packed her own bag. She was there 4 nights and a 5th with me there too. A lot for a first sleepover but she coped fine.

I also practiced with her what she could do in an emergency if I got sick. I hoped it wouldnt be needed but felt more comfortable coaching her on which neighbour to go to, how to open the front door with the keys and we role played calling an ambulance and remembering her address. Though here I could register my address on my mobile phone so that it could be tracked on an emergency call.

Once home we spent a lot of time on the sofa bed together with her tv on and me trying to rest or playing games. I kept a cushion handy on or near my tummy for the careless cuddles, elbows or knees. She also helped a lot with things like laundry loading and unloading the machine for me. I did show her my scar and again whenever there was any whining about me asking her to do things for herself.

The worst part was about 2 weeks before the operation I explained it meant no more babies in our family and that upset her the most as she has asked for a sibling since she was 2. She asked if I could have one quickly before the surgery! She has also cried about that several times since my operation. I guess that came as more of a shock to her.

Overall she has coped very well. It has forced her to grow up very suddenly in a few ways. Some are great. Others felt forced on me but once done you can't go back. And she had some fun too as I reached out to other parents and asked if they would take her away on play dates the first few weekends to give me some recovery time.

She didn't visit me in hospital as I went to a big city too far away to be practical but we had video calls on FaceTime or Skype each day which she thought was great. I did end up back in the local hospital with complications 2 weeks after. Fortunately not such an emergency that she had to do anything. I was able to call my brother to take us to the ER. She did visit me in that hospital. Wasn't at all concerned about seeing me in a gown hooked up to a drip. Just got bored after 5 minutes and wanted to go. I guess some kids could be upset by seeing their mum unwell and in hospital though.

Probably too long an answer but I hope it helps. Good luck with your surgery.