Decreased libido before surgery??

OK, ladies. I need some help with this one. With all of my serious pain and discomfort, not to mention some mild depression over never being able to have a baby, my libido is about
pretty much gone right now. I mean, it is just not on my list of things to do right now.

My fiance says her understands this and mentioned a week or so ago that he was sorry he had been pressuring me and he understood.

The last few days things have taken a turn for the worse. He asks me every night if there is any chance of making love (there usually isn't) and then looks really turse and upset when I say probably not. And now we were flipping through the show coming up the next hour, and when we saw a listing for some workout show, he said "ooooh, maybe there'll be bikinis" and eagerly selected that channel. I was really hurt. Really.

Don't get me wrong...he is a great man and a very supportive partner in all regards. I realize he is very sexual and he is greatly missing sex, but I want to yell at him to get over it!!! Does he really think I am enjoying being a sexless blob in constant pain? I don't think so.

Just when I think he undestand all this is happening ( or NOT happening), he gets all sex crazed and makes his disappointment known. He seems to forget the reason that things are slow right now....I am in constant discomfort and exhaustion and am dealing with life altering surgery.

Every day now I dread the moment when he wants to make love and I don't. PLEASE HELP! I am starting to feel like this frigid ***** and it really is upsetting. I have to say I just could not care any less about sex right now.

Has anyone been through this before, and how did you handle it? Am I overreacting???

Thanks, Sisters

I went through the same thing before I went in...however....the best advise I can give you is to grin and bear it it is important for him to feel he is still important! We have so many priorities prior to surgery and we have ti pamper ourselves but if we expect our Dh's to pamper us for 4-6 weeks or longer and go without physical affection after then we need to pamper them a little before we go in to. They need to get physical affection to remember that we love them and care about their feelings as well. It is very difficult on the Dh as well....

This is NOT intened to be harsh and you better pamper yourself and have everything done to be ready for surgery but even a princess has to be nice to the court or they wont bow before her for long!!! LOL

Best of Luck to you,
Shawnie

Dear Fallbride,

From what I've seen on this site it is perfectly normal for you to lose your libido before surgery - especially if some of your reasons for having the surgery are related to pain. And even if it isn't .. .you have a whole lot on your mind right now and sex just isn't on the list!!

The fact of the matter is that guys are different. And yes, sometimes they just-don't-get-it!
Which can be hurtful and frustrating for us.

If your guy is normally a pretty good guy, try to keep that in mind as you are going through this phase.
Part of the "problem" with men is that they just don't know how to relate to this situation... He is probably terribly worried and he might even think that by making love you will feel better! He is probably also worried about how long it will be before you resume intimacy after your surgery.

Maybe you have to sit him down (yes, again) and explain how much pain you are in, how uncomfortable you are, and how sex just doesn't figure in your "yes, I'd love to do that" list right now.

If you can talk about it a bit, maybe you can get away from the nightly request - and have a clear understanding that you'd love to cuddle and be close, but (in a nice way) you don't want to be hassled about sex everynight.

He probably is a pretty good guy.... give him another chance!
best wishes,
Cheryl

Dear Fallbride

Believe it or not, but you are perfectly normal and not a "fridgid *****"

You have so much on your plate right now and it is very difficult to relax with all this other stuff going on , and if you aren't relaxed it just isn't going to happen. Right?

Maybe you could read him some of the outercourse threads, and
maybe you two could come up with an alternative to actual innercourse.

I understand how you don't feel like it, it's hard to summon up pleasure feelings when you hurt from the navel to the knees.

Snuggle with him, praise his understanding
(all be it limited) and tell him how much you appreciate his support right now and that you are looking forward to the day....etc.....

As they used to say on Ally Macbeal- they think with their dumb sticks.....(a lot of the time)

And he probably isn't really sure how to comfort you, you have to teach him,

Good Luck

He sounds like an OK guy- maybe he just needs some guidence in what to do to help you through what you are going through


Dilu