confused and not sure what to do

This is my first time to post a message anywhere! I’m trying to make my decision and need help!! And just a warning, you guys are probably going to as confused as me after reading this.

About six years ago I was diagnosed with a pre-malignant tumor on my left ovary. It was removed through surgery. No chemo. At the time both my OBGYN and Oncologist suggested that I have a hysterectomy but I was opposed to the idea because I was only 29 years old and unmarried. We decided to do a laparotomy on my internal organs to see if there was any indication that the cancer had spread. There was none. My doctor told me that this was a very slow growing cancer, but that there was a chance it would return and he suggested I have a hysterectomy anyway. I was very, very adamant about not having one. I wanted kids so bad.

This past year I started lactating. It was discovered that I had a pituitary tumor (it is small and they don’t want to do surgery to remove it). My tumor causes me to product too much prolactin, thereby ceasing my production of estrogen. To make matters worse I am allergic to the medicine. My endocrinologist suggested that I have a hysterectomy to counter the effects of the tumor.

My Internal Medicine specialist suggested I have a hysterectomy because three of his patients had the same kind of cancer as me and theirs came back within two years. (My oncologist said he did not now if it was the same or not.)

My oncologist is now being wishy-washy (I think because of my past attitude (I yelled at him that if it was him he would not be so anxious to cut off his testicles)) and is saying to do what I am comfortable with and that the cancer may never come back or even if I have the hysterectomy it could come back anyway.

Whew...out of breath.

I want to get to feeling better. I don't want to risk the cancer coming back. But, I don't want to make things worse- what if I don’t get to feeling better? I don't want to lose my ability to enjoy sex. (But, because of the pituitary tumor my libido has dropped dramatically.) And, I'm tired of going to see new doctors. As my 2nd endocrinologist said about the pituitary "you could go to nine different doctors and you would probably get nine different recommendations."

I have been dating someone for three years who has had a vasectomy and who has two beautiful kids who love me. But, what if we don’t end up getting married, will I regret this if I am with someone new?

Can you help? I am having trouble with this decision. I am thinking about having this done the first of August. I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I know this has been long and confusing. Thanks for listening.

Karen, you sound like you're having a really tough time. In the end you'll have to make up your own mind regardless of the advice you get. It is your body and your body parts.

First read all of the posts here on this site. There are a lot of people going through a lot of different things, but we all have something in common - we need support and comfort, and you'll find it here.

Have you talked to your significant other and told him how you're feeling? Maybe it's time to talk about the possibility of getting married. Three years should be long enough to be close enough to him to talk about anything and everything.

Your concerns about having children are very valid, but your quality of life needs to be there for you to enjoy those children and him (and vice versa). This would hold true even for someone new in your life.

Talk to him and your doctor, listen, and read - educate yourself as much as possible on all of your options. As I said up above, you'll find a lot of good information here.

One step at a time, you'll get there, wishing you the best!

Karen,
WOW! This is a hard one for you! I am sorry you are going through this!
I know no one can make this decision for you, and I know you dont want to make it alone! Is there a very close clergy member that can support you in a closer way?
I believe no one can advise unless they have walked in your shoes.
As far as kids go, there are numerous other ways to have them in your life; temp or permanent. I know it couldn't be the same as carrying one, but I know my sister in law who had the same problem has adopted and the baby and she are closer than a lot of genetic parents I know. She is always in tears calling and telling me how wonderful heis and how much she loves him!
As far as your onconoogist goes, I probably would have told him the same thing! Testicles---that's funny-You go Girl!
I do know that a lot of women here have had better sex and more drive or the same amount of drive after a hysterectomy. Maybe the estrogen we will take after one helps that, and before we just dont have enough to get the libido up!
Where are you? If your in Sacramento-I am here! Dont know how much good I'll be, but I am a willing listener!
And I can put you in contact with a great Dr who will listen and get you some help from other ladies in his practice.
Other than this, I know someone will be along to give better advice than I can. I wish you peace.
Peanut

I'm sorry I can't reply to your concerns about cancer related issues.... I wasn't put to that challenge with my hyster. But, it does look like you have a lot of things to consider and a lot of digging up of info, AND some soul searching to do about whether to do the hyster or not.

Here's what I would suggest.... You may want to get familiar with more then just the Pre Op boards. I'd say visit "The Road Less Traveled" to see how some ladies are coping with cancer concerns and/or other unusual hyster related concerns..... "Aching Hearts" to see how some ladies are coping with that very real urge to have children..... "Cancer Concerns" to post and get replies from ladies who may better understand more about your cancer related issues.

I think you'll be better able to make this very difficult decision after you've done your homework.... We'll surely be here in large numbers to support you along the way, but only you can be the best judge of what's best for you and your quality of life.

Please take care and keep us posted on your progress. Great big hugs to you.... and keep on posting!