Thinking about cancelling

Hi,

Two days to go & I'm thinking of cancelling (been waiting since May) - I bet there's not many people like this ! I'm finding it so difficult accepting that this is my best course for my health & I'm TOTALLY anxious about the op itself about how I would be post op on all kinds of issues - depression, weight gain etc, etc.

Actually, physically I'm feeling much better than I have done for a while with little or no pain. A few weeks ago I had greenish /yellow graulated stuff coming out in my urine (sorry, yuky detail) over a period of 2/3 days & the docs' were not sure what was. I have since had loads of tests - there was a theory on that the fibroid might be breaking down - or a cyst or abcess in bladder or kidney. I haven't had another scan but I do feel that my womb is less bulky but this could be wishful thinking. I'm really concerned about going ahead without knowing what this is - urine tests have proved inconclusive. They have scheduled me for an ultra sound scan at the last minute on Monday morning before the operation.

I may have the option of embolisation still.

Plus I've just read alot of the post op stuff here again & I feel I could be letting myself in for a long hard road of pain, weight gain etc etc when my sypmtoms at the moment are bearable. Also, in the equation is my job - I have been off because been so unwell but now may be I could go back. Question on the future though? I don't think I'm ready to do this but recognize that delaying any not be a good idea either given that the bladder/ kidney problem maybe excarebated by the fibroid.

I know I'm sounding rambling & confused - not to mention terrified of the prospect of going ahead on Monday - HELP ! My frightened child within is taking over & I can't think straight !

Thanks, Rona

Hi Rona,

I'm so sorry you're feeling anxious and confused, but it's totally normal. You're so close to your surgery now that of course you're going to be frightened and having second thoughts. I too have had thoughts of cancelling and have thought "I just can't do this." You can do it, and you're almost there! Although your symptoms seem better at the moment, I think you'd really regret it if you cancelled now (especially after waiting since May to have it done). I think you should just take a deep breath, try to stay as calm as possible (way easier said than done) and push forward. In a few days, it will be over and you'll be on the road to recovery!

Hang in there. My thoughts are with you as I'm sure I'll be feeling the exact same way as you in two weeks time.

Big

Hi Rona,
I dont know how to help you or answer you. It must be an immensely tough decision. First off, you need to think about what your doctor has told you. Is it ok to put it off, or could you be in some serious danger. Secondly, you need to think about your life, with pain and without. If I was in your shoes I would be writing this all down, maybe putting off surgery for a month or two and talking to the doctor or doctors if need be.

I knew what I wanted three years ago. I was 35. The doctors wanted me to try to conceive one last time. I am three days away and have moments of "No, I want to keep trying". I know the heartbreak for me of trying and failing. I cannot see the future, but my past speaks volumes. The worst part is they dont know why. HOWEVER, I am having this because I already have a son and he needs me to be healthy and well. I dont have the problems just about everyone else on here does. Most people think I am chopping off my arm because I have a broken fingernail. And who knows, maybe I am. The doctors here have not given me a better solution, or one that I am confortable with. So I had a choice. A very personal one that I had to come to grips with. And i made it.

I really hope this in some small way helps you. I am quite positive you and I are not alone in the wavering department. Take care.
Hugs
Kat

Hi Rona
Im sorry you are feeling so unsure, I know it is a hard decision to make. Everyone else has different advise and opionions.
It IS your body and if you are this unsure about it my opinion would be to wait until you explore all your options and have all the answers to what is happening to your body. Since once you have the surgery there is no turning back.
As far as the recovery goes, I am a little more than 2 wks Post- op and let me tell you, that it has been very uneventful.I felt great I have had no pain since I came home from the hospital, just a little discomfort around the incision the first few days. I have felt great, just have to keep reminding myself not to overdo it. I have taken the time to pamper myself and just relax.
I also had a large fibroid, that was making my tummy big, what a difference since that is gone. My pants are all loose now. Yeah.....
I know I was pleasantly surprised because it seems that all you read about it how everyone is suffering.
I guess as humans we tend to post more when we have problems than when things are going great.
Anyway good luck with your decision, I feel for you, cause I know its not easy.



Linda

I'm only three days post-op and already I know that I'm better today than I was on Wednesday morning. God Bless you Hon...I know it's scarey...I pray for Peace of mind for your decision.

Hugs,

Mich

Hi Rona, If you have had misgiving since scheduling this surgery perhaps you need to have a serious talk with your doctor before proceeding since this is not reversible. You may even want to get a second or even third opinion re alternatives you might try before surgery. If this is a case of pre-op op jitters you have my deepest sympathy. In fact I vacillated re having the surgery throughout my waiting period - thank goodness it was short - and for me this was stupid since I was dealing with possible cancer; I was scared of having the actual operation - a first ever in my life. On the actual operation day, I told the nurse in pre-op prep that I might just jump right off that op table. She laughed but I think the A-man gave me a extra strong dose of "relaxing" meds as I was out before I got into the operating room - I guess they were not taking any chances.
I wish you good luck in making the right decision for you.
s, peggiesue

Hi Rona,

No matter what you ultimately decide, what you are going through is totally normal. Hysterectomy IS a big deal. But for many medical conditions, it really does offer help and relief. It is a hugely personal decision. Like others here I would encourage you to speak to your Doc if you can beforehand (I know your surgery is on Monday so it may be hard to reach him/her before then) and ask any/all questions you are thinking of now. And definitely ask anything you might be worried or concerned about here - this is a safe haven!

One thing I will comment on is the swelly belly and weight gain. Yes, I did have huge s-b after the surgery and I sure did gain weight... but you know what, I also CHOSE to eat like a darn pig and lay around and do nothing. Even after my doc's follow-up visits at which he told me I could be out jogging if I wanted to! I made the conscious DECISION to eat (mac and cheese, ice cream, pizza, McDonalds, you get the idea...) and lay around... and just let myself be a SLOTH for awhile. Honest to god, my daily routine included watching "Ellen" on TV and eating those easy-bake cookies - every single day. No wonder I gained weight. But that is what I needed at the time, to feel comforted and OK with my situation. Other gals are out there walking and exercising within weeks of the surgery (with their dr's OK of course) but for me it took a bit longer!

Once I *decided* later that I didn't want or choose to continue on like that forever, I started eating healthy again and exercising (slowly at first, even though it was 6 months post-op I'd really let myself get out of shape...) and ta-da... right now, 11 months out, I'm in the best shape of my life, at age almost-37. Lost 30 lbs, added muscle and feel fabulous. The weight gain is NOT necessarily what everyone will experience, for short or long term. I'm glad I had the surgery and don't regret it one bit.

Yes, I still have a bit of swelly belly even now - but losing other fat has made it so "manageable" that I even bought my very first pair of LOW-RIDER jeans (in the single digits!!!) that FIT! Who would've thought? Surely not me.

This is a time to pamper yourself and try to relax. I know it is incredibly scary and there are a lot of what-ifs. Only you know what will ultimately be right for you to do. But please know this wonderful group of women here is always here for you and can offer a lot of strength, help and information.

Take care,
Michelle (happydog)

Rona I could have written that post 6 weeks ago. I did finally quit reading the post-op posts until after surgery. There are some that have complications, but remember that many many more aren't having any, and they aren't posting so much because they are enjoying life without all the problems that have been plauging them for yrs.

I almost walked out of the OR room. I was freaking out so bad. I didn't feel confident in my discion. I am still grappling with the fact that I do not have a uterus. For me it is a process of letting go.

I had been trying to avoid the hyst. for some time. Finally things turned serious with a blockage and kidney troubles from the fibroid. A friend of mine had just told me the week before that she hoped I didn't end up in an emergency situation before I made my choice. And there I was a week later.

I'm feeling physically great. The before time was 1000 times worse than the after time.

Good luck to you. I think it's normal to have doubts and second thoughts. I did make the list of pros and cons.....there weren't any cons really. I needed to take charge of my health. Sometimes the right thing isn't what we want, but what we must choose.