Sexual abuse triggers

Donna,

I too was sexually abused as a child. For that very reason I will NEVER go to a male gyn. I just dont feel comfortable with that situation. I have been with this dr for quite some time, and trust her very much, so it isn't a concern for me. You may feel more comfy if you had a female doc also. Hope that this helped at least a little. You have lots of friends on here and many have been through the same thing as you have, so don't worry about what others think of you on here.

I was glad to see this post. I also had some issues due to sexual abuse as a child. I had some nightmares prior to surgery that were just screaming my fears at me. When I realized that I had not made a conscious connection between my past experience and the surgery, it helped me to reason things out and to recognize the trust I have in my surgeons and the great responsibility I was yielding into their hands. Just putting it all together...the fear, the trust and the connection to my past, helped me to put it all back where it belongs (in the past) and to move forward with faith and confidence.

I hope that you will find this same peace of mind. I do think telling your doctor of your concerns will help both of you to make this a better experience. Perhaps knowing who will be in the operating room and how many men/women will be present will give you some comfort.

Good luck and best wishes for a smooth surgery and recovery, physically and mentally.

Maggiemay

I had a TVH on June 2, and I am a rape survivor. I had a lot of fears beforehand, I too do not do well with stirrups or vaginal pain. When I had episiotomies with both my deliveries it brought everything back, I was terrified of the feeling of vulnerability and helplessness after surgery. I was fine. I never did tell my Dr or anyone my concerns. Not because it was not the right thing to do, but because I couldn't do it. If you can tell him or her ahead of time go for it, it can only help your Dr care for you if he knows what you are afraid of. I did not even see the striupps at all. I went into the OR, lay on the table. They put in the IV and blood pressure cuff, told me sweet dreams and what felt like a minute later I was in recovery. I had vaginal packing, and I was worried about the feeling and what it would trigger. Nothing. I hated the pressure, but it was more like when the babies head is ready to deliver than trauma. I have not had any flashbacks, or nightmares from the hysterectomy. I am in pain, but it is getting better each day. It is not anywhere near the same kind of pain the rape and torture was. There is nothing even remotely sexual about any of it, not even similar to a gyn exam. I hope this helps you. I am worried about the 6 week check up, but hey, I will cross that bridge later. My prayers are with you. Good luck, and take care. If you can be reassured try to do it vaginally. I think it would be worth avoiding an abdominal incision if you can.

panda

Lovetoread (Donna)

I am sorry you had to suffer through the torment of sexual abuse and I completely understand your worries with surgery.

My personal opinion is that I would put this surgery off, I am not sure why you are having the hyst, of course for cancer you can't put this off. For non life threatening issues I personally would put this surgery off until you feel more comfortable and perhaps get another opinion.

I believe this type of surgery we all need to be totally at peace with the decision and its potential outcomes, I wasn't and it did bring up past abuse issues with me and I felt abuse yet again.

It has been 3 years since my surgery and I am on the road, although it has taken a very, very long time and the depression was the worst I have been through to date.

As I said, my opinion only, put this off if you can. I think you need to feel comfortable.

Good luck

After the doctor came in to talk to me and was about finished, I asked him if I could tell him something. He smiled and walked to a chair and told me I could tell him anything. I looked at the floor and told him that it was probably stupid...to which he said that he didn't concider anything "stupid". So I just blurted out that I had been sexually abused by my pastor when I was a teen and the thought of being in "that" position and unconscious was somewhat difficult. His reponse? He told me that he understood why that would be difficult, and that from the moment I would get into the hopital to the moment I left that I would be treated with the utmost respect. He told me that I would be draped everywhere except where they had to work and that nobody would be able to see much of anything...that I would basically be fully dressed. He told me that I would always be treated with respect. I couldn't really look at him, but would nod that I heard him. Then he leaned in until I looked at him and he said..."I promise." Then he told me "thank you" for telling him and that it wasn't stupid at all.

Both of the times I've seen him, he always knocks on the door and even askes if he can come in before he looks in...even today when I didn't even have to undress. He has been very respectful and kind, as has everyone in his office. I am feeling much better. Thanks for letting me air this out here. That was a good first step.

I do have a therapist who I can talk to if I start having issues with it afterward. As a matter of fact, she is going to call me a couple of weeks after my surgery to see how it went and to see if I need to schedule an appointment...plus she reassured me I can call sooner if I need to. That also helps.

Thanks again,
Donna

Donna,

It sounds like you have a wonderful, compassionate doctor. I am so proud of you that you could voice your fears and get the support and reassurance you needed. You are an inspirtation to me. I did not bring up my "issues" with my GYN, but I was able to talk them out with my DH and he helped me to see why I was making the connection with surgery and the abuse. We all need to tell someone.

Good luck with surgery and a smooth recovery. I KNOW you will have excellent care from your doctor!

Maggiemay

Donna...

I just got teary reading your last post. What a great doctor! And I really commend you for recognizing your fears and bringing them up, both here and with your DH and doc.

This could actually be an emotionally corrective experience for you. A chance to learn to trust again. I'm so glad that you already have your therapist in place to process this experience with.

I didn't realize that I was having abuse issues until *after* the surgery, when my therapist pointed it out. I was *not* treated well by my doc--nothing sexual, but he was disrespectful and performed a surgery on me that I really didn't need. When I just couldn't let go of my anger, my therapist and I started to view it as a form of sexual abuse. You *are* powerless and they *are* dealing with your female parts.

But, you've made sure that you can trust this doc. Good work!



Margot

lovetoread, I am in awe of how you took such good care of yourself. First, to bring this subject up on Hystersisters (where I haven't seen it in the months that I've been here). You just made it easier for women who just couldn't articulate the subject. Second, you identified an underlying source of anxiety from the surgery to the past history of sexual abuse that some women may not have realized. And third, it must have been very difficult for you to tell you doctor.

You were very assertive in getting the care you needed.

Donna,
I can understand your fears. I was raped when I was 18 by my best friends brother. For that reason I can *not* deal with a male GYN. I told my DR (female) about what had happened and she assured me that she wouldn't let anything inappropriate happen to me.

I have learned to deal with my fears with the help of my friends and family. I never had counselling afterwards. I blamed myself, but I know now that I'm older, that it was *not* my fault. NO means NO no matter what.

My big problem is having the exam. When I was pregnant with my DS I had to see the 2 male GYN's that was partners with my DR. I got lucky and ended up with my DR for the delivery.


Telling your DR was the right thing to do. He sounds like he is a very caring and compassionate DR. Now that he knows your fears he will be even more compassionate. Things *will* work out.

Sending lots and lots of 'S your way,
Shan