Telling the Boss

I love my boss, he is the dearest man in the world but telling him I need an Hyst?!?!?! Almost enough to make me not go ahead... (no, wait a minute... standing in front of him talking casually and hoping the flood doesn't show is part of why I'm having it... ) As of this moment, I literally cannot envision saying those words to this man...

And my daughter, she's gonna freak... and anyone else - it's none of their business but I'm the boss so they're gonna notice I'm not there...

Hyperventilating just thinking about it.

Deborah (who, as you see, has a thing about personal privacy)

Felix,

Would your boss Take a general, "I am having surgery and will be out for about 6 weeks" Don't be specific about it if you are not comfortable. And if he doesn't take a general tell him you would rather not go into it. I don't know the reason for your hyst but if it is not for cancer or SERIOUS life threatining illness like that tell him. "It's not life threatening but it has to be done" I don't know what else to tell you. I wasn't working when I had mine so this isn't something I had to do. Maybe one of the other sisters will have a better nswer for you!

Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much... I should have been more specific... there's not question of not telling him. He owns a nursing home... it's his only business. I run it... we talk 3-4 times a day and I consider him a dear friend... he will take hearing it better than I will take telling him... it's just sooooo embarrasing.....

deborah

You will find that once you start telling him, it will get easier. My boss was most understanding and while I was a afraid to say "I have to have a hysterecomy" it was easy once I got started.

I think you will also find that it gets easier and easier! All my co-workers are male and I find myself saying things to them I never thought I could say to a male not my DH. Like "I am having a vaginal hyster" or "had to have a TAH because the cervix was too small". It comes to a point, at least for me, that it is all medical and not embrassing any longer.

I agree with Sunshine- it's not necessary to give the details. With larger employers (over 50 employees) it not even legal for the boss to ask what type of surgery. I work for a large corporation and the only person who could know the details was the company nurse, who handled all disability/FMLA issues, etc. She worked for Human Resources, but the other HR people could not know the details.

Everyone I worked with had no problem with my explanation: I'm having major surgery, but I'll be fine after that, with no follow up treatment needed. I told them to expect approximately a 6 week recovery.

I don't know about your place of employment, but most companies these days require that your request be submitted in writing. If that is the case or even if it is not, that might help you. I would first make sure you have your dates down that you will need to be absent from work and then write a memo requesting the time off. Maybe something like.... Because of personal health issues that require me to have surgery, I find that I am in need of time off from work. This job is very important to me and It is my hope that this will not create a hardship for this company. The Dr. would like to schedule my surgery for--/--/--. The Dr. has informed me that I will need -- days to recover from this surgery. I am hoping that this time line will give you enough notice to prepare for my absence. The decision to have this surgery has been a very difficult and personal one for me. If you require further information regarding this issue, please let me know. I realize my absence from work may cause difficulties. Please let me know what (if anything) I can do to help ease this problem...........

This way, you have put the ball in his court as far as asking any questions. I find it is much easier to answer questions (if asked) than to just blurt out personal information. Even if he does ask the million dollar question and you don't want to tell, you can always say something like "It's a female problem". Unless he is a total cad, I can't imagine him asking anything further. But, if he does, you can always say very politely, "I really don't feel comfortable discussing it with you." and leave it at that.

If there are other females in your place of employment and you have discussed this with them, chances are he will know soon enough anyway. If you haven't told anyone, I would suggest you tell at least one person (female). People like to help out others in need and trust me, you should let them. Don't take this all on yourself. You need to get better. Let others worry about you, you're human, their human. We all care.

hugs, valpal

I had this problem. Really didn't know where to start especially as my boss is 10 years younger than me.

As it goes, he didn't bat a eyelid and it wasn't embarrassing in the least.

All I did was tell him I needed him to schedule a little time to talk to me about a personal issue which would affect the branch and my colleagues ( I work in a bank ). He made time for me then and there so I just said I needed a hysterectomy which would involve me taking at least 6-8 weeks off and probably a couple of days for visits to my dr beforehand.

I'm not very comfortable admitting I have personal stuff to deal with so I guess I kinda took a deep breath and blurted it out expecting all the embarrassing questions to follow. Not a bit of it, he just says OK let me know when, put yourself first and tell me what you need.

That was 2 weeks ago and since then he's cut my workload and made sure that I have enough time to brief my colleagues on stuff I won't get done. I'm not being allowed to get stressed and if I do get snappy I get coffee delivered.

All my colleagues are treating me like a princess already and I haven't even been to the castle yet!

IMO telling your boss can't possibly be worse than you sound like you're imagining it will be, so be brave, get him to schedule 5 minutes to talk to you, and tell him. Practice on your colleagues first - they're gonna find out sooner or later anyway. But make sure you tell the boss, not someone else.

Good luck

Rhian

I also hard a hard time thinking about the telling my boss speech. I only took the time of the car ride from my appt back to the office to think about it (15 mins). I think not dwelling on it helped me a lot. I just went in to his office, asked if he had a minute and when he said yes, I told him I needed major surgery and would be out anywhere from 3 weeks to 2 months and would starting in the middle of May be ok? His response... "Sure, just check with 'Jim and Jane' and make sure neither one of them is taking the month of June off."

He said it jokingly but was also a tad serious. We work in education and our fiscal year ends June 30th so we have to use or lose our vacation time by then. They both said take what you gotta take and we'll manage. We try to make sure that at least 2 of us are here at all times for the most part. I also choose one of the slowest times of the year I could. Students are leaving, but summer projects are not starting up yet.

Good luck to you with your "speech" I do feel the thinking about it and the anxietly before hand was worse then the actual telling of the boss in my case. I'll hope yours will be the same as well.

Take care and you'll be in my thoughts

Rae-Ann

I told my boss and he was wonderful. At that point we were expecting that I would have surgery within 10 days but this SARS thing has quarantined all my city's hospitals so it won't be til the end of April or even May. That has thrown a monkey wrench in their replacement plans but as the ramifications of the outbreak become more obvious, people are more accepting that the best laid plans of mice and gynecologists go astray.

The men I work with tend to be very sensitive and open to women's issues, knowledgeable even. It certainly made it easier. My boss is the Human Resources person in our small workplace and he will be the one helping me to get my short-term disability insurance through quickly.

I have had bosses I would have hesitated to tell, but not him. I know his wife. She keeps him educated

I work with almost all men in my field. I didn't have a problem telling any one of them I was having a hysterectomy. Hey, some of them were even in the know of all my problems leading up to this surgery. Some of them are even very knowledgeable about it from prior experience with wives, sisters, mothers, etc. Hey, I was kind of surprised about that myself.

Men outside of my team however, that I have to do business with, I just told them I was having some girlie type problems. They all know the score and if they don't so what.

Anyway, all of them were great about it. It wasn't embarrassing at all.

ConnieW
TAH/BSO 3/24/2003 Cysts, Adenomyosis, Menorraghia